dib Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Q. why do dogs lick their testicles? A. because they can Q why does flatulence smell? A, so deaf people can enjoy them too
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Why do brides wear white? Because the dishwasher should match the refrigerator and the stove.
JÂy RÛßeÒ Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Heard this at lunch today (warning it's pretty nasty): Q: What's an activity 9 out of 10 people enjoy? A; Gang Rape
DDD Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Q: What's the best part of 28 year old girls? A: There's 20 of them... relax...its a joke... What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.
ChevyVanMiller Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Q: What do you get when you cross LSD with the birth control pill? A: A trip without the kids ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Q: What did one cannibal say to the other as they were eating a clown? A: Does this taste funny to you?
HopsGuy Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Q: What do you get when you cross LSD with the birth control pill? A: A trip without the kids ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Q: What did one cannibal say to the other as they were eating a clown? A: Does this taste funny to you? Those are good. Well done, like a properly cooked Texas steak. (I started to make that joke awful, then held back. Evolution is real.)
LeviF Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Those are good. Well done, like a properly cooked Texas steak. A "properly cooked" Texas steak is burned? You learn something new every day.
HopsGuy Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 A "properly cooked" Texas steak is burned? You learn something new every day. How old are you?
MarkyMannn Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Two priests die and are at the Pearly Gates to Heaven St Peter says "no room for you now, I'll send you back for a couple days, and you can be whatever you want Priest 1 says "I want to fly like a bird" And he is off flying Priest 2 says "For once in my life, I want to be a STUD! Couple days later, God asks St Peter where are the two priests St Peter says "No clue, one priest is flying around, the other priest is in Buffalo in a snow tire
Chef Jim Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 This is an old one seeing the person with the staring role is dead but here goes A young man is out on his first date with a beautiful girl. He so wants to impress her but really doesn't know how. He notices Frank Sinatra sitting at a table nearby having dinner. The girl get up to use the restroom. The young man approaches Frank Sinatra and tells him how much he loves this girl and wants to impress her. He asks Mr Sinatra if he can stop over the the table to say hi as if they were good friends. Sinatra, ever th romantic agrees. Great, the young man tells him..oh and my name is Dave. So on his way out of the restaurant Sinatra stops by. "Dave!! Long time so see, how are you?" "!@#$ off Frank....can't you see I'm busy!!"
Buftex Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 This is an old one seeing the person with the staring role is dead but here goes A young man is out on his first date with a beautiful girl. He so wants to impress her but really doesn't know how. He notices Frank Sinatra sitting at a table nearby having dinner. The girl get up to use the restroom. The young man approaches Frank Sinatra and tells him how much he loves this girl and wants to impress her. He asks Mr Sinatra if he can stop over the the table to say hi as if they were good friends. Sinatra, ever th romantic agrees. Great, the young man tells him..oh and my name is Dave. So on his way out of the restaurant Sinatra stops by. "Dave!! Long time so see, how are you?" "!@#$ off Frank....can't you see I'm busy!!" Awesome!
K-9 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 This is an old one seeing the person with the staring role is dead but here goes A young man is out on his first date with a beautiful girl. He so wants to impress her but really doesn't know how. He notices Frank Sinatra sitting at a table nearby having dinner. The girl get up to use the restroom. The young man approaches Frank Sinatra and tells him how much he loves this girl and wants to impress her. He asks Mr Sinatra if he can stop over the the table to say hi as if they were good friends. Sinatra, ever th romantic agrees. Great, the young man tells him..oh and my name is Dave. So on his way out of the restaurant Sinatra stops by. "Dave!! Long time so see, how are you?" "!@#$ off Frank....can't you see I'm busy!!" Classic Don Rickles.
Chef Jim Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Awesome! And of course the joke was told to me by someone when I was working at Ma Maison. Oh and talking about that place prompted me to look up Patrick Terrail, who owned the place, on Facebook. Found him and we've been messaging back and forth. Very cool!
The Poojer Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 that is an infamous story by Mr. Warmth! This is an old one seeing the person with the staring role is dead but here goes A young man is out on his first date with a beautiful girl. He so wants to impress her but really doesn't know how. He notices Frank Sinatra sitting at a table nearby having dinner. The girl get up to use the restroom. The young man approaches Frank Sinatra and tells him how much he loves this girl and wants to impress her. He asks Mr Sinatra if he can stop over the the table to say hi as if they were good friends. Sinatra, ever th romantic agrees. Great, the young man tells him..oh and my name is Dave. So on his way out of the restaurant Sinatra stops by. "Dave!! Long time so see, how are you?" "!@#$ off Frank....can't you see I'm busy!!"
Buftex Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things. On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of spring-water. When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods. He then cleaned up the kitchen and left. On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first, all was bliss. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house. Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth ... but only if he would sign the papers that very day. He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork. A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ...... and to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!
Buftex Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Buftex: I bet Fake Fake Sunny is laughing at that one Fake Fat Sunny? Is my joke too long?
ajzepp Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Fake Fat Sunny? Is my joke too long? lmao...that was just the first thing I thought of when I looked at it...thought FFS was making a comeback
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