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Posted

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

 

Getting her out of the wheel chair.

 

I'm going straight to hell for that one.

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Posted

I bet that joke doesn't sit well with neutrons.

 

Jeeze, my bad. Can't believe I screwed that one up. My face is red. I'll fix.

 

:oops:

Posted

A dyslexic walks into a bra................

 

Q - What's the difference between a '57 Chevy and a waitress?

 

A - Not everyone's had a '57 Chevy

Posted

A dyslexic walks into a bra................

 

Q - What's the difference between a '57 Chevy and a waitress?

 

A - Not everyone's had a '57 Chevy

 

That reminds me of the dyslexic maitre d that got fired from Fuddruckers. He kept saying, "Welcome to rude f*ckers."

Posted

That reminds me of the dyslexic maitre d that got fired from Fuddruckers. He kept saying, "Welcome to rude f*ckers."

I'm a dyslexic dog.

Posted (edited)

Q: Why did Jesus stop playing hockey?

 

A: He kept getting nailed to the boards.

Edited by LeviF91
Posted (edited)

I asked my wife to tell me something that would make me happy and mad at the same time. She replied, "of all your friends, you're the biggest."

 

 

 

I was recently turned down by an online dating site. Question #4 was "tell us what you like most in a woman" I replied "my penis." - Application rejected.

Edited by BLZFAN4LIFE
Posted

woman walks into a pharmacy to inquire about viagra for her husband.

 

woman: can you get it over the counter?

 

pharmacist: i can if i take 2.

Posted

My wife and I were sitting, talking about our finances. We have really been struggling, trying to stretch a paycheck.

 

She says to me "you are spending too much money, every month on beer. You have to give it up!"

 

Then, I'm looking at the credit card bills, and see an $85 charge from Neiman Marcus. "What's this?" I ask her...

 

"Oh, I purchased some make-up" she says.

 

"So, I have to give up beer, but you can spend $85 on make-up? Why am I the one who always have to give things up?" I ask.

 

"Honey, I have to have make-up, so I can look pretty for you" she says.

 

I says "What the hell do you think the beer is for?"

Posted

My wife and I were sitting, talking about our finances. We have really been struggling, trying to stretch a paycheck.

 

She says to me "you are spending too much money, every month on beer. You have to give it up!"

 

Then, I'm looking at the credit card bills, and see an $85 charge from Neiman Marcus. "What's this?" I ask her...

 

"Oh, I purchased some make-up" she says.

 

"So, I have to give up beer, but you can spend $85 on make-up? Why am I the one who always have to give things up?" I ask.

 

"Honey, I have to have make-up, so I can look pretty for you" she says.

 

I says "What the hell do you think the beer is for?"

:worthy:

Posted

 

A farmer noticed that his chickens were sick, and called in a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to help diagnose the problem. The biologist observed the chickens, concluding, "I can tell you there's something wrong with your chickens, but I don't know what's causing it." The chemist took fluid samples from the chickens back to his lab, and returned saying, "I can tell you what's infecting your chickens, but I don't know how they got it." Meanwhile, the physicist had been sitting on the floor, scribbling madly on several notebooks worth of paper. Suddenly, he jumped up, exclaiming, "I have the answer, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum."

 

 

Actually, every physicist joke ends with "...spherical chicken".

 

Except the one that ends with "...spherical gecko" of course.

Posted

Mine are doctor jokes.

 

Doctor says, "Oh I'm glad I found you. You have 24 hous to live"

Patient, "Oh dear"

Doctor says, "The bad part, I've been trying to reach you since yesterday"

Posted

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

 

Getting her out of the wheel chair.

 

I'm going straight to hell for that one.

 

I've got a worse one. One SO bad, that you go to straight to hell just for hearing it. No profanity, but I'm not even sure the mods will let me post it, it's that bad.

Posted

I've got a worse one. One SO bad, that you go to straight to hell just for hearing it. No profanity, but I'm not even sure the mods will let me post it, it's that bad.

 

Is it about Tim Graham?

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