SageAgainstTheMachine Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 At parties and such. Mine is... A man is at a doctor's appointment. The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to stop masturbating." The man says, "Why?" Doctor says, "Because I'm trying to examine you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 What do you get when you cross an elephant with a palm tree? Elephant palm tree sine theta. My brother and I have won "awards" with it. Seriously. We also need to go to better parties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buftex Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 What do you get when you cross an elephant with a palm tree? Elephant palm tree sine theta. My brother and I have won "awards" with it. Seriously. We also need to go to better parties. The Smothers Brothers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SageAgainstTheMachine Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) Also... Q: What's the worst part about kids' birthday parties? A: Cleaning the blood off your clown costume afterward. Edited May 8, 2012 by SageAgainstTheMachine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Q: What's the best part of 28 year old girls? A: There's 20 of them... relax...its a joke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cugalabanza Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Mine's a knock-knock joke. I ask the other person to start it. They go, "knock knock." And I just straight up kick 'em in the nuts as hard as I can and walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SageAgainstTheMachine Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Mine's a knock-knock joke. I ask the other person to start it. They go, "knock knock." And I just straight up kick 'em in the nuts as hard as I can and walk away. This one pisses people off... Knock Knock Who's there? To To who? To whom! Q: What's the best part of 28 year old girls? A: There's 20 of them... relax...its a joke... Say what you want about pedophiles. They drive past schools and parks slowly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeviF Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Q: What's the difference between an onion and a prostitute? A: I don't cry when I'm chopping up a prostitute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JÂy RÛßeÒ Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 You hear about the man with 5 penises? His pants fit like a glove! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmy10 Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says: "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" The Scotsman says: "Hey! McLeod! Get off of my ewe!" My wife's family is all Scottish, and I threatened to tell that joke at our wedding reception. I'm still alive, so obviously I didn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 what kind of bees give milk? Boo Bees Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 there is a bear that is uber happy, gets lots of honey, loves to swim, then other days he can't even get out of bed because he is so sad. It is a bipolar bear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Q: What kind of meat do priests eat? A: Nun come on its a joke...don't want to offend any Priests or Nuns on the board... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Man goes to the Dr to find out why his penis is turning orange. Doc says: "Have you been doing anything unusual lately?" Man replies: "Just eating cheetohs and watching porn" Little girl getting her first haircut while eating a twinkie. Barber says" You're going to get hair on your twinkie" The little girl replies" And I'm going to get T*ts too" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) I saw this one when I was watching some crap movie the other night and it's also a bit of a re-tread... An old man is at the doctor's office. The doctor says, "okay Mr. Smith, I need a stool sample, a urine sample, a blood sample, and some semen". The old man has a puzzled look on his face and looks over at his wife, who says, "the doctor wants your underwear". Edited May 8, 2012 by ajzepp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 I knew a great physics joke...can't remember the joke, but the punch line was "Imagine a spherical chicken." Which just on its own is hilarious, if you're a physicist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JÂy RÛßeÒ Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) I knew a great physics joke...can't remember the joke, but the punch line was "Imagine a spherical chicken." Which just on its own is hilarious, if you're a physicist. A farmer noticed that his chickens were sick, and called in a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to help diagnose the problem. The biologist observed the chickens, concluding, "I can tell you there's something wrong with your chickens, but I don't know what's causing it." The chemist took fluid samples from the chickens back to his lab, and returned saying, "I can tell you what's infecting your chickens, but I don't know how they got it." Meanwhile, the physicist had been sitting on the floor, scribbling madly on several notebooks worth of paper. Suddenly, he jumped up, exclaiming, "I have the answer, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum." Edited May 8, 2012 by JÂy RÛßeÒ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopsGuy Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) I knew a great physics joke...can't remember the joke, but the punch line was "Imagine a spherical chicken." Which just on its own is hilarious, if you're a physicist. Two atoms smash into each other. As one atoms helps the other up he asks, "Are you okay?" Second atom answers, "I'm not sure. I think I lost an electron." First atom: "Are you sure." Second atom: "I'm positive." A proton neutron walks into a bar. Bartender comes down and asks, "What'll you have?" Proton Neutron: "How much for a beer?" Bartender: "For you, no charge." A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." Hands him a $20. After the vendor pockets the bill he just stands there. Buddhist: "Where's my change?" Vendor: "C'mon. You know that change only comes from within." Edited May 8, 2012 by HopsGuy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 A proton walks into a bar. Bartender comes down and asks, "What'll you have?" Proton: "How much for a beer?" Bartender: "For you, no charge." I bet that joke doesn't sit well with neutrons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyst Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Two fish were in a tank, the first fish says to the second fish, "hey do you know how to drive this thing?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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