drinkTHEkoolaid Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 At the end of the day....its your life. Do what you feel is right. Don't end up as some miserable 55 year old sitting.at the end of the corner bar by yourself crying to the bartender that looking.back in hindsight changing your life based on what people on the bills internet board said didn't work out. Just my .02 cents
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Well you asked for it straight, so here goes. Did you ever see the episode of Seinfeld where George decides to do the "opposite?" If telling her your bored(ing) and being apologetic isn't working, you might want to take a different approach. She thinks she has you wrapped around her finger and can go back to you any time she wants. Because you've decided that "she's the one," everything you do tends to reinforce that impression. My take is that you need to give her the impression that you're a good enough catch that if she puts you in the "friend" box, other women will be getting in line to take her place. Pulling that off may be tough, but it's your best shot at getting where you want to go with her. The good news is that the idea that there is only one person out there for you is a romantic myth. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you're probably compatible and could be happy with many of them. You just need to get more creative about how you fish (if nothing else, this video link should cheer you up a bit): http://unofficialnetworks.com/carp-hunters-epic-fishing-77212/ Chin up!
Jerry Christ Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Just an update for you guys Weve been talking a bit. Nothing really ground breaking. I told her how much I missed her and she said she needed this and needed space ect. So I backed off for a few days. She sent me a text and we talked briefly then i sent her one a few days later talked briefly. I talked to her roommate the other night and explained to her that i was worried about my ex forgetting me and that I wanted this to work ect. She told me that she thinks (based on what shes heard and seen) that she has every intention of staying in touch with me and seeing where we are in a while. The roommate thinks that for now this is temporary and if I want this to work, I should just be patient. Today I got to work and we had no power so I texted my ex and asked what i should do with my new found day off and we talked a bit. I said something like "Ok well I know your busy I wont keep bugging you with my boredom" She responded "Captain Hindsight, I hate when you do that... you never bug me. I'd tell you if I couldnt talk to you cause i was busy. Stop thinking that bc we arent dating youve all of a sudden become the most annoying person in the world to me. Because you arent. Youre still a very close friend to and if your bored I want you to be able to text me." I said i was sorry and I was just trying to respect her space. She said "I know you are and i really do appreciate that. But if your gonna talk to me, then talk to me. When you do that it makes me feel bad like you think im ignoring you or something and Im not." I said" I know you not ignoring me, like i said im just trying to respect your space and let you live, but i'll remember that." We talked after that a bit just like we had a month before and then the conversation fizzled. And here I am. I know my gift is in hindsight and that I may be setting myself up for failure but i decided that I'm willing to wait for her to figure things out and hopefully we can get back together when I'm closer and this is just a footnote in our relationship. Things shes said and her roommate has said suggest this could work. I havent doubted my feelings for her, ever. Since we met, ive known. I cant explain it, i dont understand it, but I know. I'll fight for it, wait for it, whatever it takes. But i know. I know you guys give it to me straight. Am I being crazy? Or am I right to be fight for what I am sure is my future wife? Doesn't sound good bro. I would just go on living life...if it happens it happens but at the same time if you continue to dwell on it and she knows that you do......I can see from the text. Then she will eventually push it further away or become vocal about it in a way that will hurt your feelings. Women get mean with emotional guys who they know that care about them after their is a break in relationship.
Captain Hindsight Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I like the idea of doing the opposite. Im gonna start with that
section122 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Holy crap. You sir have been placed squarely in the friend zone. You must be a nice guy and one she doesn't mind hanging out with but not one she wants to date. You need to move on. What you want and what she wants are not compatible no matter how much the 2 of you may be. Live your life. Do not wait around for this girl. I promise you that it will lead to nothing good. She eventually will find a guy that she wants to date and you will be stuck and mad at yourself. Do not do this to yourself. The "opposite approach" will not work here. She isn't interested in dating you right now. What she does like is that the option is there if she feels like she needs it. Do not be her hanger on. I've been in your shoes and your hanging on to something that isn't there. There is much truth to the if its meant to be it will be. You are in your mid twenties (if I'm not mistaken) this is the time to see what is out in the world. So many girls so many possibilities. Don't be Capt. Narrowminded and stick with what (you know) doesn't work. Breaking up is hard but healing doesn't happen until you move on. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you wanted honest and this is how I honestly feel.
Doc Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Holy crap. You sir have been placed squarely in the friend zone. You must be a nice guy and one she doesn't mind hanging out with but not one she wants to date. You need to move on. What you want and what she wants are not compatible no matter how much the 2 of you may be. Live your life. Do not wait around for this girl. I promise you that it will lead to nothing good. She eventually will find a guy that she wants to date and you will be stuck and mad at yourself. Do not do this to yourself. The "opposite approach" will not work here. She isn't interested in dating you right now. What she does like is that the option is there if she feels like she needs it. Do not be her hanger on. I've been in your shoes and your hanging on to something that isn't there. There is much truth to the if its meant to be it will be. You are in your mid twenties (if I'm not mistaken) this is the time to see what is out in the world. So many girls so many possibilities. Don't be Capt. Narrowminded and stick with what (you know) doesn't work. Breaking up is hard but healing doesn't happen until you move on. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you wanted honest and this is how I honestly feel. I agree. The saying "if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours..." applies here. Cut down on/off the chatter and live your life. If she wants you, she knows where to find you.
Metal Man Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 It is a real fine line between not chasing after a girl enough, or pursuing her too much. Tough thing is if it doesn't work out you'll always be wondering which side you fell on but sounds like you got the hindsight thing down. Every girl/situation is different too so you can't even learn from past mistakes. Only advice is to do your best at reading the situation as it unfolds and follow your gut.
erynthered Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Sounds lie she's got a pretty strong grip on your twig and berries. Its time to end it and move on.
mead107 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Date some other people. just don't sit on your arse waiting. sounds like there are things she is not happy with. Re read what you told us and think about it. So, go date some other people and when she wants to see you she will let you know. then you can make up your mind about her. Just don't waste time sitting around waiting or you will look back and say that was a waste of a year of not having fun.
section122 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Every girl/situation is different too so you can't even learn from past mistakes. Worst. Advice. Ever.
Just Jack Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Today I got to work and we had no power so I texted my ex and asked what i should do with my new found day off and we talked a bit. Get rid of any trace of her and her number off your phone and emails. Next time you're bored and want someone to text, text (212) 804-6979.
NoSaint Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 heres the thing.... you came back here knowing every single person would say "dear lord brother, back away from the woman" and still asked to hear it again. that says something about what you know deep down.
Metal Man Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Worst. Advice. Ever. Maybe in the majority of life's ordeals but in my experience every female brings an entirely new set of rules with her. If you have been able to find a correlation in the way women think then you are a much smarter man than I and should market that into a few hundred million dollars in book sales for yourself.
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 . . . in my experience every female brings an entirely new set of rules with her . . . . . . The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason . . . Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting would find this "ironical."
section122 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Maybe in the majority of life's ordeals but in my experience every female brings an entirely new set of rules with her. If you have been able to find a correlation in the way women think then you are a much smarter man than I and should market that into a few hundred million dollars in book sales for yourself. It's funny just when you figure women out - how to pick them up, how to talk to them, how to see obvious glaring warning signs, how to avoid crazies, not believe the lies (or even be involved with one who does), etc... BAM you find a good one and all of these skills become useless (although I never though about the book idea ) Really it all boils down to remembering that they think emotionally while men think logically. It probably doesn't hurt that I grew up in a house full of women then spent almost 10 years working with emotionally unstable youths (while dating some emotionally unstable women ). The best thing I learned though was in a drunken haze while visiting my college gf about 8 years later. She had cheated on me in college and was involved with a guy who she lived with, had been with for 2 years, and owned a business with. It was very apparent that I would be able to get with her and I remember in my stupor thinking this is the same whore she was 8 years ago. This realization helped me move past the girl that had me in the situation as Hindsight here. I thought to myself then why the f*ck do you expect Jen (girl I was stuck on) to change. Moved on instantly (and yes of course I hooked up with my ex gf who says no to free p*ssy!) A few months later I met the girl I would eventually marry. heres the thing.... you came back here knowing every single person would say "dear lord brother, back away from the woman" and still asked to hear it again. that says something about what you know deep down. Dude I'm gonna man crush on you for a moment but wow you always bring very insightful knowledgeable posts here and make it a joy to come to this board. This is just another example of that.
Metal Man Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 It's funny just when you figure women out - how to pick them up, how to talk to them, how to see obvious glaring warning signs, how to avoid crazies, not believe the lies (or even be involved with one who does), etc... BAM you find a good one and all of these skills become useless (although I never though about the book idea ) Really it all boils down to remembering that they think emotionally while men think logically. It probably doesn't hurt that I grew up in a house full of women then spent almost 10 years working with emotionally unstable youths (while dating some emotionally unstable women ). Pretty much what I was getting at. You're definitely preaching some truth. Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting would find this "ironical." Ha, great observation. "Reason" and "female" should probably never be used together in one post, or applied in unison out in the real world... like pop-rocks and soda... bad things man.
section122 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 "Reason" and "female" should probably never be used together in one post, or applied in unison out in the real world... like pop-rocks and soda... bad things man.
KD in CA Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Holy crap. You sir have been placed squarely in the friend zone. You must be a nice guy and one she doesn't mind hanging out with but not one she wants to date. You need to move on. What you want and what she wants are not compatible no matter how much the 2 of you may be. Live your life. Do not wait around for this girl. I promise you that it will lead to nothing good. She eventually will find a guy that she wants to date and you will be stuck and mad at yourself. Do not do this to yourself. The "opposite approach" will not work here. She isn't interested in dating you right now. What she does like is that the option is there if she feels like she needs it. Do not be her hanger on. I've been in your shoes and your hanging on to something that isn't there. There is much truth to the if its meant to be it will be. You are in your mid twenties (if I'm not mistaken) this is the time to see what is out in the world. So many girls so many possibilities. Don't be Capt. Narrowminded and stick with what (you know) doesn't work. Breaking up is hard but healing doesn't happen until you move on. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you wanted honest and this is how I honestly feel. Not harsh enough IMO. But excellent summary of the situation. Here's my attempt: STOP CALLING AND SENDING TEXT MESSAGES TO YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND. SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU ANYMORE SO GO FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES.
Doc Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Ha, great observation. "Reason" and "female" should probably never be used together in one post, or applied in unison out in the real world... like pop-rocks and soda... bad things man. Reminds me of that great scene from " ."
DC Tom Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Just an update for you guys Weve been talking a bit. Nothing really ground breaking. I told her how much I missed her and she said she needed this and needed space ect. So I backed off for a few days. She sent me a text and we talked briefly then i sent her one a few days later talked briefly. I talked to her roommate the other night and explained to her that i was worried about my ex forgetting me and that I wanted this to work ect. She told me that she thinks (based on what shes heard and seen) that she has every intention of staying in touch with me and seeing where we are in a while. The roommate thinks that for now this is temporary and if I want this to work, I should just be patient. Today I got to work and we had no power so I texted my ex and asked what i should do with my new found day off and we talked a bit. I said something like "Ok well I know your busy I wont keep bugging you with my boredom" She responded "Captain Hindsight, I hate when you do that... you never bug me. I'd tell you if I couldnt talk to you cause i was busy. Stop thinking that bc we arent dating youve all of a sudden become the most annoying person in the world to me. Because you arent. Youre still a very close friend to and if your bored I want you to be able to text me." I said i was sorry and I was just trying to respect her space. She said "I know you are and i really do appreciate that. But if your gonna talk to me, then talk to me. When you do that it makes me feel bad like you think im ignoring you or something and Im not." I said" I know you not ignoring me, like i said im just trying to respect your space and let you live, but i'll remember that." We talked after that a bit just like we had a month before and then the conversation fizzled. And here I am. I know my gift is in hindsight and that I may be setting myself up for failure but i decided that I'm willing to wait for her to figure things out and hopefully we can get back together when I'm closer and this is just a footnote in our relationship. Things shes said and her roommate has said suggest this could work. I havent doubted my feelings for her, ever. Since we met, ive known. I cant explain it, i dont understand it, but I know. I'll fight for it, wait for it, whatever it takes. But i know. I know you guys give it to me straight. Am I being crazy? Or am I right to be fight for what I am sure is my future wife? CUT OFF ALL CONTACT. You're not doing yourself any favors. Either she'll start to miss you and contact you herself, or she won't and you'll stop torturing yourself that much quicker. Either way is better than trying to remain in touch. Life is too short for bull **** drama like this. Learn that lesson early, and you'll be better off.
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