Adam Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Wasn't Jasper the little known friendly snowman, who was a friend of Casper, the Friendly Ghost?
joejoebills Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 So you're implying that people from Buffalo are in now way sensible and anyone who found my post funny is either mentally deficient or your dad? I find your opinions very interesting and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. Out of curiosity, what enlightened city do you call home? Oh, and good luck with the daddy issues. I love my Dad, i just think his sense of humor is different. Maybe its just a Buffalo thing...
Jauronimo Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) Wasn't Jasper the little known friendly snowman, who was a friend of Casper, the Friendly Ghost? Good question, Adam. Could Jasper have in fact inspired a book written many years before his own conception? Does he bend time and matter? Do his dreadlocks give him strange sexual powers? I heard he ate a live porcupine "just for the experience." But why? Could he turn the world on with his smile? Does he put out on the first date? Is it true that his second favorite sport is pogo stick? I heard he sends Brett Favre dick pics everyday, once when he wakes up and again before bed. Why? Should we send Brett Favre pictures of our genitals? Is Jasper afraid of polka dots? Could he turn Ellen straight? How high can he count? Is it true that his flatulence is not flammable? Does this give him some kind of an advantage in elevators or long car rides? How is that even possible? Jasper speaks fluent mandarin. He said he "picked it up from fortune cookies." Is he lying? Is it for our own good? What is he protecting us from and should we root out the nonbelievers? How many purges will it take? Could Jasper microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn't touch it? I'm worried that I'm not capable of loving Jasper enough. Should I leave my wife? Should we burn all of our possessions? Can he rollerskate? Is it time to panic? Edited June 1, 2011 by Jauronimo
Turbosrrgood Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) If he is on the PS, it's very unlikely anyone would take him off of it, especially the Pats or Jets. That would mean they would have to take a guy not good enough to make the Bills weak defensive roster...and replace someone on the Jets or Pats rosters... The guy didn't even play NT last year, he played guard at a no name school against midgets...What we we are hoping for is another Jason Peters like transformation...It's the best team for him...if he shows any ability at all then he should have no problem making this team. Edit...Of course the lockout screws him bad... If there is no pre-season for him to try out, there is almost no way he could make the team. Edited June 1, 2011 by Turbosrrgood
Jauronimo Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) If he is on the PS, it's very unlikely anyone would take him off of it, especially the Pats or Jets. That would mean they would have to take a guy not good enough to make the Bills weak defensive roster...and replace someone on the Jets or Pats rosters... The guy didn't even play NT last year, he played guard at a no name school against midgets...What we we are hoping for is another Jason Peters like transformation...It's the best team for him...if he shows any ability at all then he should have no problem making this team. Edit...Of course the lockout screws him bad... If there is no pre-season for him to try out, there is almost no way he could make the team. How far did he throw the midgets? Did he even throw the midgets? What was it like for him to play against midgets given that he may doubt their very existence? Does this pose existential dillemas for Jasper or does he think in a fifth dimension? If we hooked him up to a machine to measure his brain waves would it look like spirograph? Would the machine just catch on fire or would it draw pictures of animals that have not yet been discovered by science or perhaps trace a map to some kind of treasure? Edited June 1, 2011 by Jauronimo
DC Tom Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 How was that amusing? I'm not from Buffalo but my dad is and this is the kind of thing my Dad would find funny. This must be Buffalo humor because there is no way that any sensible person could find this even remotly funny. Would Jasper find it funny? Good question, Adam. Could Jasper have in fact inspired a book written many years before his own conception? Does he bend time and matter? Do his dreadlocks give him strange sexual powers? I heard he ate a live porcupine "just for the experience." But why? Could he turn the world on with his smile? Does he put out on the first date? Is it true that his second favorite sport is pogo stick? I heard he sends Brett Favre dick pics everyday, once when he wakes up and again before bed. Why? Should we send Brett Favre pictures of our genitals? Is Jasper afraid of polka dots? Could he turn Ellen straight? How high can he count? Is it true that his flatulence is not flammable? Does this give him some kind of an advantage in elevators or long car rides? How is that even possible? Jasper speaks fluent mandarin. He said he "picked it up from fortune cookies." Is he lying? Is it for our own good? What is he protecting us from and should we root out the nonbelievers? How many purges will it take? Could Jasper microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn't touch it? I'm worried that I'm not capable of loving Jasper enough. Should I leave my wife? Should we burn all of our possessions? Can he rollerskate? Is it time to panic? Jasper is rumored to have heard every existent version of "Louie, Louie", just so you know.
joejoebills Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Wow, i thought this thread would of had at least 500 replies by now...
AReed Deep For 7 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks to the OP this was by far the most entertaining thing ive read all day
The Avenger Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I was just reading that Stephen Hawking is the word's top authority on Jasperian physics which explains all things in the universe - he's only scratching the surface of of field but he's light years ahead of understanding what others understand - eventually all will be revealed.
Matt in KC Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 How far did he throw the midgets? Did he even throw the midgets? What was it like for him to play against midgets given that he may doubt their very existence? Does this pose existential dillemas for Jasper or does he think in a fifth dimension? If we hooked him up to a machine to measure his brain waves would it look like spirograph? Would the machine just catch on fire or would it draw pictures of animals that have not yet been discovered by science or perhaps trace a map to some kind of treasure? I was a little luke warm on the initial post about Repsaj (~may he bless the Bills~), but I really enjoyed this one. Do you think Repsaj has anything to do with the extreme weather (tornados etc.) this Spring?
Fitz's Beard Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Had Schein taken Jasper into account on his list, how much higher would the Bills have ranked? Would they have passed at least the Patriots? Will he single handily make this franchise amazing?
Jauronimo Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 I was a little luke warm on the initial post about Repsaj (~may he bless the Bills~), but I really enjoyed this one. Do you think Repsaj has anything to do with the extreme weather (tornados etc.) this Spring? There's absolutely no question that maybe Jasper is involved in the extreme weather patterns we are currently experiencing, but how is he probably doing it and what are his motives, possibly? Is the severe weather a diversion to throw us off his track? Is he going to take the world by storm as Calvin Klein's next underwear model? Have the French already surrendered? Will his enormous ass be on billboards? Do we know too much? Will we be wearing CK Jasper cologne and will it smell like hot dogs? Does he look good in a beret? Does anyone look good in a beret? If a midget falls in the forest and no one is around to hear, does it make a tiny disproportionate sound? What would Jasper say? Is his mind capable of being blown? If his mind were blown would wind speeds exceed 100 mph and cause the formation of a funnnel cloud?
Astrobot Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Does the fact that "Michael Jasper" is an anagram for Spherical Jam mean that we've finally found our Pat Williams (which is an anagram for Impalas Wilt)?
Jauronimo Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 Does the fact that "Michael Jasper" is an anagram for Spherical Jam mean that we've finally found our Pat Williams (which is an anagram for Impalas Wilt)? I think Astro just blew the doors open on this investigation. Is it just a coincidence that the letters in his name coincide with J - Jupiter, A- Alpha Centari, S - Saturn, P- Pluto, E -EARTH!, R - Reptune? Has he been to outer space or does he find space exploration to be effeminate? What did he learn and how many people will he probe? Did he really invent the French kiss? Will he only probe rednecks and drunks and will he wear gloves?
Buffalo Barbarian Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 There have been a handful of interviews with Jasper and much speculation about him and his future with the Bills, but we've still only scratched the surface. There's still so much we don't know. Below are just a few of the questions that I and others on TBD have about Jasper: Will Jasper make the roster or be taken on the practice squad? Will other teams take him off our PS? Can he start in 2011? Would he play special teams? Was his coming foretold in some book? Has his favorite color been invented yet? Why not and what are we doing about it? Has the Earth actually moved closer to the sun since Jasper? Would the South have won the civil war if they had Jasper? If he were an ice cream flavor what would he be? Would you let him date your daughter? Would you let him date your wife or son? Is he a top or a bottom (he has lost weight)? Would a bucket of his sweat cure diseases or remove red wine stains? Is he dating anyone? Would he carry his bride to the top of a tall building or skyscraper? How many pool balls can he fit in his mouth? How far can he throw a midget? Does he believe in midgets? Could he actually steal Christmas? Did he postpone the rapture? Would Jasper score more goals than Wayne Gretzky or dance better than Baryshnikov? Does he know what the definition of "was" is? Does he care? Can Jasper be turned in to a weapon (mount rockets under each arm)? Would an automoton Jasper violate Asimov's third rule of robotics? Could robot Jasper develop human feelings? Are the Russians working on a Jasper right now? What if Jasper falls into the wrong hands, like Al Qaeda or the Dolphins? Are we in imminent danger? Is he ticklish? Jasper spelled backwards is Repsaj. What does this mean? Does the utterance of Repsaj open some type of parallel dimension or make women aroused? Does anyone else have questions or answers to the above? ?
yall Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Wow, i thought this thread would of had at least 500 replies by now... No way to top the OP. You don't go painting lipstick on the Mona Lisa, right?
BillsfaninFl Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) Now this is the kind of senseless post that distracts from serious evaluations of the Bills. I love it. Joejoebills, your life will be enriched if you are able to share your father's appreciation for this kind of humor. The much maligned city of Buffalo is filled with fans who have "paid their dues" over the years by having to tough it out when things go bad. That helps you to see the humor in almost anything. And a few laughs, or even a smile, is a lot better than giving up. Look how easily the pampered fans in Miami cried when their team stumbled. They don't have the stuff that makes Bills fans great. Only we can B word all we want and never lose the ability to suddenly billieve after that "hail Mary" pass succeeds. Edited June 3, 2011 by BillsfaninFl
Haven Moses Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Someone better tell him not to try to eat the midget trainer.
Jauronimo Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 ? You will have to be more specific Barbarian.
Adam Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I say that the Japerian economic model will reduce the deficit and unemployment with a coherent tangental marketing plan, with co-directional changes to all relative quantities.
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