ieatcrayonz Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 So I'm at the grocery store minding my own business and a whole mess ensues. I usually have one of my employees go to the store but today I felt like getting back to basics. I hopped in the Bently and headed for the store. At first everything was great. I got some good deals on fruit and vegetables. There was some hippy a little bit behind me so I switched the organic bananas with the regular ones just to screw with him. I'm sure his wife Astrid will be able to taste the difference and yell at him for weeks . I also overheard some lady complaining about Capri Sun which is cool. Anyway I get toward the last aisle and I see a Mormon dude there with a shopping cart 3/4s full. He looks all flustered as he is talking on his cell phone and he looks angry too. Then all of a sudden he quickly leaves the aisle and disappears around the corner. I thought this was weird but even weirder is that he left his cart there. I figure I better follow him but as I start to go I realize that the cart is probably the key to the whole thing. So I look in his cart: Some fruit milk eggs cereal but then I see a bag of kitty litter and a box of matches. He also left a cell phone in there. This obviously could have been a bomb. So I called homeland security. I didn't leave because I wanted to watch out for the other people at the store. There were even some old people and I have as much or more respect for them than anyone, but let's face it they need help, so I stayed. Holy crap there were police cars and helicopters and I think a tank and a SWAT team and mass panic. They came up to me in aisle 10 and ask me to go to aisle 3 to identify the perp. I get there and the Mormon dude is face down on the ground with a box of Oreos laying in front of him and he is yelling and getting handcuffed. He struggled free from the agent just a little bit so I kicked him in the head. That store is efficient too. The next thing I heard was: "Jimmy.....Jimmy to aisle 3 to clean the teeth off the floor". After a whole bunch of talking and yelling and a look at his cell phone by the bomb squad it turned out that he was only acting all weird because his wife called him to remind him about the Oreos. He was complaining that he was already past that aisle. That's why he left the cart. Oh, and they also have a cat. I think he said its name is Marmalade. Anyway now the Homeland security dudes get all pissed at me for following their own rules. I wish they would make up their mind. Just a weird day. I'm not sure if there is a lesson here but it is probably that Mormons shouldn't have cats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 "This is due entirely to the failed policies of George W. Bush" - Nancy Pelosi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanker Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Remember, if kitty litter and matches are outlawed, only outlaws will have kitty litter and matches. Good work there Crayonz. I'll sleep better knowing you're on guard watching over the soft underbelly of America that is our chain of supermarkets. Did you have a chance to get over to Walmart and pick up a new three wolf moon tee shirt? I hear they're all the rage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 Remember, if kitty litter and matches are outlawed, only outlaws will have kitty litter and matches. Good work there Crayonz. I'll sleep better knowing you're on guard watching over the soft underbelly of America that is our chain of supermarkets. Did you have a chance to get over to Walmart and pick up a new three wolf moon tee shirt? I hear they're all the rage. I sort of felt bad about the teeth but at the time I thought he was a bomber. After the fact I am not too upset either. I mean he named his cat Marmalade and he doesn't think he deserves to get kicked in the mouth? Plus, he runs back to the Oreo aisle like a puppet on a string because the wife tells him to do it? I think three teeth is about right. I don't know anything about any three wolf moon t-shirt. Beerboy said something about three cougar moons last Saturday. Is that related? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dexter Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 "This is due entirely to the failed policies of George W. Bush" - Nancy Pelosi. Just imagine if W had kept federal spending flat instead of doubling it over 8 years... but but but that would not have been "compassionate conservatism..." and it might have affected the two and only two things W cared about, the money going into his campaign chest, and what Zionists in the "US media" said about W... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 Just imagine if W had kept federal spending flat instead of doubling it over 8 years... but but but that would not have been "compassionate conservatism..." and it might have affected the two and only two things W cared about, the money going into his campaign chest, and what Zionists in the "US media" said about W... Dude I wasn't even in the kosher aisle the whole time I was at the store. Keep this in your own threads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dexter Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Dude I wasn't even in the kosher aisle the whole time I was at the store. Keep this in your own threads. If you hate freedom of speech, truth, and the US so much, why don't you leave and go live where you support = ISRAEL... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 If you hate freedom of speech, truth, and the US so much, why don't you leave and go live where you support = ISRAEL... I'm not trying to squelch your freedom of speech, just asking that you leave this thread open for discussion on Mormons owning cats. I think you should have the right to start 300 threads on the same topic if you'd like. This is especially true when someone has denied you your Viagra. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
George Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 I'm not trying to squelch your freedom of speech, just asking that you leave this thread open for discussion on Mormons owning cats. I think you should have the right to start 300 threads on the same topic if you'd like. This is especially true when someone has denied you your Viagra. I just can't compete with this. It's a waste of time to even try. And the best part is most of you Liberal Jerk-Wads don't even get the joke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OCinBuffalo Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I just can't compete with this. It's a waste of time to even try. And the best part is most of you Liberal Jerk-Wads don't even get the joke... Sometimes. But, then again, crayonz is often a parody of the entire board itself. For example, crayonz doesn't explain how he knew the guy was Mormon. So, why throw that in there? Now, go looking for threads where anybody mentions Mormons recently...or sending employees to the store, or having employees in general, or organic food, or pretentious people, etc., and Viola! Now you may have some of the salient details that will be in the next crayonz thread. Not saying crayonz is without talent.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 Sometimes. But, then again, crayonz is often a parody of the entire board itself. For example, crayonz doesn't explain how he knew the guy was Mormon. So, why throw that in there? Now, go looking for threads where anybody mentions Mormons recently...or sending employees to the store, or having employees in general, or organic food, or pretentious people, etc., and Viola! Now you may have some of the salient details that will be in the next crayonz thread. Not saying crayonz is without talent.... Dude I am not a racist or anything but a lot of Mormons have that Middle Eastern look. The guy was on his cell phone speaking in arabic and in an angry mood. Thus.........Mormon. Anyway he was yelling "Yalla, yalla, yalla, bleep Allah oreos bleep." In retrospect I should have picked up on the oreos thing but for all I know oreos is Mormon for bomb. I'm sorry if my details aren't up to your standards. Maybe I'll pick apart your thread next time. Sheesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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