Pete Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 From an email- 01. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect. 02. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. 03. If I save time, when do I get it back? 04. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 05. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. (not true to me though). 06. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. 07. The statement below is true. The statement above is false. 08. As I said before, I never repeat myself. 09. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. 10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work. :-)) 11. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. 12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 13. War doesn't determine who's righ. War determines who's left. 14. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk. 15. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? 16. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. 17.I was born intelligent - education ruined me. * 18.A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a,work station... What more can I say 19.If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 20.Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright Until you hear them speak. 21.How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ? 22.Don't frown. You never know who is falling in Iove with your smile. 23.The Best of Provebs Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough. 24.Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun. 25.Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep ! 26.ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what ? Who's in a hurry ? 27.Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop 28.A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject. 29.A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.... Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started? 30.Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tux of Borg Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 Hey baby, Why don't you come back to my place, and play slip and slide on the smurf's crocodile mile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenchBledsoe Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 I know this doctor who gave a guy six months to live. . . the guy couldn't pay his bill. . . so he gave him another six months! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixxxer Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 a guy hangs a banner on his room that reads "Don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today" while saying to himself 'I'll start tomorrow' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justnzane Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 VOte against a tyrant, vote for saddam hussein French army Starve a Squirrel, eat a nut Politician: I am an honest man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 From an email- 155714[/snapback] Thanx for the smile, Pete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 whaddya call a dyslexic agnostic insomniac??? . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...... someone who lays awake at night wondering if there's a dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimBob2232 Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A: Mace will do that to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 From an email- 01. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect. 02. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. 03. If I save time, when do I get it back? 04. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 05. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. (not true to me though). 06. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. 07. The statement below is true. The statement above is false. 08. As I said before, I never repeat myself. 09. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. 10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work. :-)) 11. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. 12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 13. War doesn't determine who's righ. War determines who's left. 14. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk. 15. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? 16. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. 17.I was born intelligent - education ruined me. * 18.A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a,work station... What more can I say 19.If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 20.Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright Until you hear them speak. 21.How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ? 22.Don't frown. You never know who is falling in Iove with your smile. 23.The Best of Provebs Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough. 24.Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun. 25.Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep ! 26.ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what ? Who's in a hurry ? 27.Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop 28.A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject. 29.A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.... Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started? 30.Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting. 155714[/snapback] Alot of those sound like Jay London's routine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 so the doctor says rectum, it damn near killed him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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