Where is it?

[Beerball]

Dudes,

 

As you well know I have tons of money and although I am very financially wise there are a few things I like to spend money on. These things are cars, travel and the finest foods.

 

Anyway I have pretty much been to all the most expensive places in the world, most of which are not known to the general public. Anyway, the one places I've always wondered aboout is Suffragette city from that song by Elton John or whoever. Anyway it must be expensive because it says that the guy can't afford the chicken. Chicken is not typically an expensive food so the preparation of this dish in Suffragette city must be exquisite. I can't even imagine how much the claviar must cost there. I am hungry at the moment and would like to try something new.

 

Anyway, where is this place?

Take a left at Waterloo. Once you pass through Geneva you're almost there.

[ieatcrayonz]

Unfortunately, no. The RFID chip short circuited shortly after the implant was activated, from what I heard.

Dude, that's just what Carl told Sammy. She is so jealous she would tell him anything. I forgot all about that chip. I will have to find Carl though. She is constantly visiting her children. She really isn't the same since Khalid died, but she hasn't lost her sluttiness so I will also have to check with some of the less scrupulous males rodents in the area to see if they have seen Carl. The problem is that very few of them talk having never eaten any Silica. I am only aware of Carl and Sammy. The Googlebot can interpret their language but is out looking for Sammy.

 

I think I will start at my weird neighbor's house because he has a hamster that use to be one of Carl's main squeezes. Bottom line is if I find Carl, I will find the information about the chip, summon the Googlebot, locate Sammy, get him hom and not be so distracted all the time. This plan is coming together. Thanks for reminding me of this chip.

[BuffaloBill]

The place is called Separate Jet City,

 

where there is a 'bathroom to the right."

[ieatcrayonz]

Update:

 

After checking at my crazy neighbor's house I think Carl has been there recently. That hamster over there was worn out. If Carl was there, she might be home soon at least for a few days. She comes and goes as she pleases. In more ways than one.

 

Anyway, if I find her I might be able to track down Sammy. It is strange that the Googlebot has been Incognito for a few weeks but I'm sure that will end soon. Keep your fingers crossed.

[Beerball]

Update:

 

After checking at my crazy neighbor's house I think Carl has been there recently. That hamster over there was worn out. If Carl was there, she might be home soon at least for a few days. She comes and goes as she pleases. In more ways than one.

 

Anyway, if I find her I might be able to track down Sammy. It is strange that the Googlebot has been Incognito for a few weeks but I'm sure that will end soon. Keep your fingers crossed.

Googlebots are by there very nature secretive creatures. I don't think you have anything to worry about there. Besides, if something is up you can always use your remote kill switch to stop that bugger if he's up to no good. Its range reaches well into outerspace so the bot will be dropped wherever he is, even Mars (not that he could get there).

 

Carl needs to be fixed. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times...that slut will be the death of you. Now you've got another batch of babies on the way.

[ieatcrayonz]

Googlebots are by there very nature secretive creatures. I don't think you have anything to worry about there. Besides, if something is up you can always use your remote kill switch to stop that bugger if he's up to no good. Its range reaches well into outerspace so the bot will be dropped wherever he is, even Mars (not that he could get there).

 

Carl needs to be fixed. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times...that slut will be the death of you. Now you've got another batch of babies on the way.

Fixing Carl is like forbidding Steely from incorrectly solving mysteries. It would take away her very nature.

 

Anyway, well duh I have the kill switch to the Googlebot. I told you it has been Incognito for the last few weeks. Although I find that strange that the Googlebot would want to be Incognito, the kill switch came in handy when the two crying Chads were put out of their misery for the season. If the Googlebot decides to keep up this whole Incognito thing, Tyler Thigpen is in big trouble.

[Cugalabanza]

I dig the way you guys do business.

[Carl]

Fine gentlefolk of Two Bills Drive, I fear I may need your help. Although it is quite presumptuous of me to ask help from strangers, I feel I must. Please forgive my lack of etiquette.

 

I have been monitoring this thread from near the premises of my home. I am wont to be self reliant, but in this case I fear that is impossible. You see my master tends not to believe things when they are not what he wants to hear. He will use any excuse to deem bad news false. With me delivering the news, the excuse will come easily given my stature in the pecking order of the animal kingdom. I do indeed have a working RFID chip implanted in Samuel; in fact I have two for redunancy. These are of the latest technology which is not available to the general public. They were meant to quell my feelings of jealousy and served that purpose well. Samuel is a loyal mate.

 

Now the chips have generated a far different fear in my heart. These chips send out distress signals upon their demise. There is nothing in existence which can stop these signals from being sent. I have received no such signals. I am not receiveing signals of any type. Until their last transmission, both chips were in a proximity that indiciated their presence within Samuel. He has not, or at least had not been chopped to bits. Still, my mind is racing with thoughts of what may be happening to Samuel. None of them are good. My greatest fear is that they have taken Samuel.

 

Without the assistance of the Googlebot all will be lost. Without convincing my master, I will have no access to the Googlebot. This is where I need your help; especially that of Mr. Beverage Container. Please convince my master that Samuel is in need. Use the password "gherkin" if he does not believe you. Without the fine people of this board, I shudder to give any conjecture as to Samuel's future.

 

Without the fine people of this board, there are only two people who could help me. One of these people is vile, un-couth and demanding. The other is a nice gentleman, but easily distracted and taken off point. I am hesitant to enlist either's help without trying the people herein first. Please use this thread to convince my master to let me have access to the Googlebot. I thank you in advance.

 

 

This message sent from Carl's Blackberry handheld.

Edited November 15, 2010 by Carl

[sullim4]

Fine gentlefolk of Two Bills Drive, I fear I may need your help. Although it is quite presumptuous of me to ask help from strangers, I feel I must. Please forgive my lack of etiquette.

 

I have been monitoring this thread from near the premises of my home. I am wont to be self reliant, but in this case I fear that is impossible. You see my master tends not to believe things when they are not what he wants to hear. He will use any excuse to deem bad news false. With me delivering the news, the excuse will come easily given my stature in the pecking order of the animal kingdom. I do indeed have a working RFID chip implanted in Samuel; in fact I have two for redunancy. These are of the latest technology which is not available to the general public. They were meant to quell my feelings of jealousy and served that purpose well. Samuel is a loyal mate.

 

Now the chips have generated a far different fear in my heart. These chips send out distress signals upon their demise. There is nothing in existence which can stop these signals from being sent. I have received no such signals. I am not receiveing signals of any type. Until their last transmission, both chips were in a proximity that indiciated their presence within Samuel. He has not, or at least had not been chopped to bits. Still, my mind is racing with thoughts of what may be happening to Samuel. None of them are good. My greatest fear is that they have taken Samuel.

 

Without the assistance of the Googlebot all will be lost. Without convincing my master, I will have no access to the Googlebot. This is where I need your help; especially that of Mr. Beverage Container. Please convince my master that Samuel is in need. Use the password "gherkin" if he does not believe you. Without the fine people of this board, I shudder to give any conjecture as to Samuel's future.

 

Without the fine people of this board, there are only two people who could help me. One of these people is vile, un-couth and demanding. The other is a nice gentleman, but easily distracted and taken off point. I am hesitant to enlist either's help without trying the people herein first. Please use this thread to convince my master to let me have access to the Googlebot. I thank you in advance.

 

 

This message sent from Carl's Blackberry handheld.

 

This update is very concerning. I hope Samuel is still OK. Unfortunate that you did not chip the Googlebot as well.

 

My understanding is that your owner is easily distracted by all things Canadian. Perhaps if you framed your argument to him in a way that compared it to something Canadian, he'd be forced to see that you are being rational in your request for use of the Googlebot? When presented with two alternatives, one being Canadian, I think it is safe to say that Mr. Crayonz would choose the unCanadian option 99% of the time.

[Beerball]

Fine gentlefolk of Two Bills Drive, I fear I may need your help. Although it is quite presumptuous of me to ask help from strangers, I feel I must. Please forgive my lack of etiquette.

 

I have been monitoring this thread from near the premises of my home. I am wont to be self reliant, but in this case I fear that is impossible. You see my master tends not to believe things when they are not what he wants to hear. He will use any excuse to deem bad news false. With me delivering the news, the excuse will come easily given my stature in the pecking order of the animal kingdom. I do indeed have a working RFID chip implanted in Samuel; in fact I have two for redunancy. These are of the latest technology which is not available to the general public. They were meant to quell my feelings of jealousy and served that purpose well. Samuel is a loyal mate.

 

Now the chips have generated a far different fear in my heart. These chips send out distress signals upon their demise. There is nothing in existence which can stop these signals from being sent. I have received no such signals. I am not receiveing signals of any type. Until their last transmission, both chips were in a proximity that indiciated their presence within Samuel. He has not, or at least had not been chopped to bits. Still, my mind is racing with thoughts of what may be happening to Samuel. None of them are good. My greatest fear is that they have taken Samuel.

 

Without the assistance of the Googlebot all will be lost. Without convincing my master, I will have no access to the Googlebot. This is where I need your help; especially that of Mr. Beverage Container. Please convince my master that Samuel is in need. Use the password "gherkin" if he does not believe you. Without the fine people of this board, I shudder to give any conjecture as to Samuel's future.

 

Without the fine people of this board, there are only two people who could help me. One of these people is vile, un-couth and demanding. The other is a nice gentleman, but easily distracted and taken off point. I am hesitant to enlist either's help without trying the people herein first. Please use this thread to convince my master to let me have access to the Googlebot. I thank you in advance.

 

 

This message sent from Carl's Blackberry handheld.

You type good for a gerbil, for some reason Sammy could never spell worth a ****. I think he's hanging out at a local gin mill because your 'master' told him you were sleeping around on him again. Sammy got all weepy and POed and left in a Huff. Look for him at the end of the bar. He'll be the furry guy camped out on the footrest sipping bourbon.

[Carl]

You type good for a gerbil, for some reason Sammy could never spell worth a ****. I think he's hanging out at a local gin mill because your 'master' told him you were sleeping around on him again. Sammy got all weepy and POed and left in a Huff. Look for him at the end of the bar. He'll be the furry guy camped out on the footrest sipping bourbon.

I type well, Mr. Beverage Container. I type well.

 

Unfortunately Samuel's current problem is not simply one of intoxication. If it were, the chips would have helped me locate him. As I stated, I fear they have taken him because of the lack of signal. I had already resolved my latest indiscretion with Samuel. When he went missing, his last known location was a trick or treating expedition. The chips tracked him from the area on a very strange and circuitous route and then simply vanished without a distress signal.

 

I would try to follow the advice of of Mr. Sullim, but I know from past experience that my master considers humans as vastly superior to every other species and he considers Canadians to be human; albeit barely. My pleas would fall on deaf ears.

 

Alas, it is with much regret that I must ask for the assistance of the kind but easily distracted man. I am going to do everything I can to avoid the only other person who can help. Mr. Beverage Container, I'd only ask that you give some serious thought to this matter and not simply come up with ad hoc theories on the location of Samuel. My master may heed your requests if you approach the matter in a tactful manner.

[Beerball]

I type well, Mr. Beverage Container. I type well.

 

Unfortunately Samuel's current problem is not simply one of intoxication. If it were, the chips would have helped me locate him. As I stated, I fear they have taken him because of the lack of signal. I had already resolved my latest indiscretion with Samuel. When he went missing, his last known location was a trick or treating expedition. The chips tracked him from the area on a very strange and circuitous route and then simply vanished without a distress signal.

 

I would try to follow the advice of of Mr. Sullim, but I know from past experience that my master considers humans as vastly superior to every other species and he considers Canadians to be human; albeit barely. My pleas would fall on deaf ears.

 

Alas, it is with much regret that I must ask for the assistance of the kind but easily distracted man. I am going to do everything I can to avoid the only other person who can help. Mr. Beverage Container, I'd only ask that you give some serious thought to this matter and not simply come up with ad hoc theories on the location of Samuel. My master may heed your requests if you approach the matter in a tactful manner.

OK OK OK

 

Because your 'Master' is a very busy man and he frequently overlooks posts, even in threads he starts, I sent him the following PM:

 

Boss--I have received the following information regarding your dear departed Sammy: he was last heard from on 10/31 while on a snack gathering excursion in this general area. We have solid intelligence that this was his last known location. For some reason his chip signal stopped there (or it is being blocked by some 3^rd dimensional vortex). I was able to obtain this image of the building which was the closest habitation to his disappearance point. Our intelligence also tells us that this is not the first disappearance in this general area. Apparently there are phenomenon outside of the norm here so the bot may be discombobulated, lost or disabled in this general vicinity.

 

My recommendation is for you to send in your #1 strike team ASAP. Since Jimmy Spags is Incognito I recommend you send his twin brother Vinny to lead the expedition.

 

Also--please treat that stupid slut Carl with a bit of deference. That filthy whore is pulling her tail off in worry about Sammy.

 

You happy now?

[sullim4]

Some interesting information.

 

Sammy last accessed his account on November 13:

 

http://forums.twobillsdrive.com/user/8062-not-a-hamster/

 

This leaves two likely scenarios. Either Sammy is being tortured and he's cracked by handing his password to the enemy, or he's out joyriding with the Googlebot on your Master's dime. What concerns me is that Mr. Beerball's intelligence points to his last location being somewhere near Denver. This is extremely close to NORAD, which houses both US and Canadian forces. What if they've captured BOTH Sammy and the Googlebot?

 

If your master is going to continue to ignore your pleas, and Sammy has indeed been captured, I think you are left with no alternative but to assemble an army of silica-fed hamsters and storm NORAD headquarters yourself.

[Beerball]

If your master is going to continue to ignore your pleas, and Sammy has indeed been captured, I think you are left with no alternative but to assemble an army of silica-fed hamsters and storm NORAD headquarters yourself.

Locked & loaded

 

link

Edited November 19, 2010 by Beerball