Tipster19 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 A long time ago I made you mine, thru the rain, snow and sunshine. I sit and wonder, what has happened to you? It's too late to leave so now what do I do? Like many of the faithful, I wear my heart on my sleeve, thru the good times and the bad times I still do believe, A franchise that once upon a time used to walk tall, now has forgotten it's pride and learned how to crawl. I won't leave because that's not how I'm built, but it's hard to just sit and watch you wilt. I see the Red, White and Blue and I think of American pride, but when I see what has happened to you I want to run and hide. I'm not asking for much but for some dirt, grit and backbone, It's not just for you or for me because I don't stand alone. It's not for Super Bowls, championships or any of that kind of glory, I'm just tired of this whole last decade of hearing the same old story. I'm pleading to you by taking my own time to write about you in a feeble weak ass poem, what will help make a difference for you, a relocation, or even playing under a dome? My kids are grown and gone but they still give me the phone calls whenever you play, when they try to get excited for me and ask me what I think, I have nothing to say. I'm beyond being ashamed because I've decided and came to terms that you're my cross that I'll bare, I'll still be watching you as you stumble and lose but don't worry, I'm not leaving, I'm still here. I'm going to go for now because I'm done writing this nonsense and embarrassing myself over you, but just know that when Sunday rolls around that I'll still be screaming for the Red, White and Blue! Go Bills, I love you!
SageAgainstTheMachine Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Not bad, but the end-rhyme seems rather contrived. A more organic rhyme scheme might render this poetry rather evocative.
Van_phelaN1 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Not bad, but the end-rhyme seems rather contrived. A more organic rhyme scheme might render this poetry rather evocative. You are critiquing a poem about a football team and you are actually going to tear the guy apart for his rhyme scheme?? I hope there is humor intended somewhere that I am not picking up on through the evil interwebs
SageAgainstTheMachine Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 You are critiquing a poem about a football team and you are actually going to tear the guy apart for his rhyme scheme?? I hope there is humor intended somewhere that I am not picking up on through the evil interwebs Yeah, I was trying to be wryly humorous.
metzelaars_lives Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 A long time ago I made you mine, thru the rain, snow and sunshine. I sit and wonder, what has happened to you? It's too late to leave so now what do I do? Like many of the faithful, I wear my heart on my sleeve, thru the good times and the bad times I still do believe, A franchise that once upon a time used to walk tall, now has forgotten it's pride and learned how to crawl. I won't leave because that's not how I'm built, but it's hard to just sit and watch you wilt. I see the Red, White and Blue and I think of American pride, but when I see what has happened to you I want to run and hide. I'm not asking for much but for some dirt, grit and backbone, It's not just for you or for me because I don't stand alone. It's not for Super Bowls, championships or any of that kind of glory, I'm just tired of this whole last decade of hearing the same old story. I'm pleading to you by taking my own time to write about you in a feeble weak ass poem, what will help make a difference for you, a relocation, or even playing under a dome? My kids are grown and gone but they still give me the phone calls whenever you play, when they try to get excited for me and ask me what I think, I have nothing to say. I'm beyond being ashamed because I've decided and came to terms that you're my cross that I'll bare, I'll still be watching you as you stumble and lose but don't worry, I'm not leaving, I'm still here. I'm going to go for now because I'm done writing this nonsense and embarrassing myself over you, but just know that when Sunday rolls around that I'll still be screaming for the Red, White and Blue! Go Bills, I love you! Our franchise, our team, our city has all gone down the pooper For God's sake our Tight End is a guy named Stupar
Bflojohn Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 God knows I don't have that type of creative bone in my body, but nevertheless, your prose is exactly how I feel too! Thanks, it was fun to read.
outsidethebox Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Our franchise, our team, our city has all gone down the pooper For God's sake our Tight End is a guy named Stupar LOL! He said pooper! LOL!
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