2010

[frogger]

No one ever actually asks for help, they leave it in code and expect that people will read into it. Since no one here knows me personally and any attempt at creating a code would just be in vain. Here I go, I need words of encouragement, I am having a horrible year.

relationship

It started, finding out that the girl that I had been seeing for 2 years was cheating on me. It got better when I met another girl after months of lonely nights, I thought that she was the one, not that maybe she was the one-but in fact she was it. Till last night when she told me she wanted to take a break. I thought I did everything right, and yet I guess I didn't.

career

At the very beginning of the year I had a great job, until it was bought out by its competition, they then cut my pay in half reduced my vacation and increased my insurance rate. I stuck with it for a few months, but I felt I was worth more so I left, and started working for a friend of mine. A guy I've known for years started his own business years ago and finally they were big enough to hire me. He was no longer in the field and basically worked in the office. The manager he and his partner had hired decided I wasn't right for the company and fired me, I was later told he was threatened by my years of experience and my relationship with the owner. But the owner would not step in. regardless I was jobless, I have never been fired in my life and had no idea what to do, I stuck my neck out for this guy and his company and lost everything, of course I have been rehired by another company I start tomorrow, but at a fraction of what I was paid before, and of course no vacation the first year. I was without work for 4 weeks, and have lost almost everything, and the small amount that I was hoping to get from unemployment was denied.

I honestly have no idea how I am going to get through this week let alone today, I have a past due notice sitting on my coffee table next to a notice that I will not be getting help from unemployment. I am waiting for my car to be repo'd and the power to be turned off, hopefully I can find enough money to pay rent in 2 weeks.

Frogger

[The Dean]

Sounds like things are pretty rough there, froggy. I'm not going to tell you that they can only get better, because that's a crock (or a croak?). Things can always get worse. Remember that.

 

OK, now where to begin. Let's start with Unemployment, since that's the easiest to fix. You can dispute the finding, and unless you have really misrepresented what happened, you will likely win. I also was denied UI once and won the appeal. I believe there are some others here who have had the same experience. You MAY want to hire a lawyer with experience in this field (it will cost a couple of hundred dollars, but might be worth it to ensure victory) but you don't NEED a lawyer. Just be concise and honest and make sure you show up. Showing up is half the battle in these things. In the meantime, don't stop looking for work (you claim to have a lot of experience) and don't wallow in your pity. Things may be bad for you now, but wallowing/self pity is likely to make things worse. Do stuff. It will help your self esteem and help keep your mind off things.

 

Now to the harder issues. The way you describe the time w/o a girlfriend ("months of lonely nights") suggests you aren't really happy being by yourself. Everybody is different, so I'm not saying I have your answer, but I would try to work on being happy with myself before getting into a relationship with someone else. Try to look on this time out of a relationship as a dose of freedom. It may be tougher to enjoy this freedom with money issues, but it can be done. If you can meet and defeat that challenge, then you have something that will be valuable to you for the rest of your life, IMO: the ability to be happy by/with yourself, with little money and few material possessions. I think that mindset will display itself in your confidence and you will be more attractive to others (women, friends and employers) when you once again become employed, successful with relationships/job/etc. It will also help you from becoming an intolerable asswipe if/when you become wildly successful with women and business, some day!

[Jim in Anchorage]

No one ever actually asks for help, they leave it in code and expect that people will read into it. Since no one here knows me personally and any attempt at creating a code would just be in vain. Here I go, I need words of encouragement, I am having a horrible year.

relationship

It started, finding out that the girl that I had been seeing for 2 years was cheating on me. It got better when I met another girl after months of lonely nights, I thought that she was the one, not that maybe she was the one-but in fact she was it. Till last night when she told me she wanted to take a break. I thought I did everything right, and yet I guess I didn't.

career

At the very beginning of the year I had a great job, until it was bought out by its competition, they then cut my pay in half reduced my vacation and increased my insurance rate. I stuck with it for a few months, but I felt I was worth more so I left, and started working for a friend of mine. A guy I've known for years started his own business years ago and finally they were big enough to hire me. He was no longer in the field and basically worked in the office. The manager he and his partner had hired decided I wasn't right for the company and fired me, I was later told he was threatened by my years of experience and my relationship with the owner. But the owner would not step in. regardless I was jobless, I have never been fired in my life and had no idea what to do, I stuck my neck out for this guy and his company and lost everything, of course I have been rehired by another company I start tomorrow, but at a fraction of what I was paid before, and of course no vacation the first year. I was without work for 4 weeks, and have lost almost everything, and the small amount that I was hoping to get from unemployment was denied.

I honestly have no idea how I am going to get through this week let alone today, I have a past due notice sitting on my coffee table next to a notice that I will not be getting help from unemployment. I am waiting for my car to be repo'd and the power to be turned off, hopefully I can find enough money to pay rent in 2 weeks.

Frogger

I have been though far, far worse. First of all explain to the landlord why you may be late with the rent. Don't just blow it off and not pay. And I am a landlord and will take a reasonable explanation as to why they may be late.[i had a renter say to me "I can't pay-what do you what me to do-rob a bank?" Wrong answer, eviction notice.

Past due? Generally no action is taken[shut off] till 90 days. Pay the oldest bill first-that puts you at 60 day's and buys some time.

[Jim in Anchorage]

Sounds like things are pretty rough there, froggy. I'm not going to tell you that they can only get better, because that's a crock (or a croak?). Things can always get worse. Remember that.

 

OK, now where to begin. Let's start with Unemployment, since that's the easiest to fix. You can dispute the finding, and unless you have really misrepresented what happened, you will likely win. I also was denied UI once and won the appeal. I believe there are some others here who have had the same experience. You MAY want to hire a lawyer with experience in this field (it will cost a couple of hundred dollars, but might be worth it to ensure victory) but you don't NEED a lawyer. Just be concise and honest and make sure you show up. Showing up is half the battle in these things. In the meantime, don't stop looking for work (you claim to have a lot of experience) and don't wallow in your pity. Things may be bad for you now, but wallowing/self pity is likely to make things worse. Do stuff. It will help your self esteem and help keep your mind off things.

 

Now to the harder issues. The way you describe the time w/o a girlfriend ("months of lonely nights") suggests you aren't really happy being by yourself. Everybody is different, so I'm not saying I have your answer, but I would try to work on being happy with myself before getting into a relationship with someone else. Try to look on this time out of a relationship as a dose of freedom. It may be tougher to enjoy this freedom with money issues, but it can be done. If you can meet and defeat that challenge, then you have something that will be valuable to you for the rest of your life, IMO: the ability to be happy by/with yourself, with little money and few material possessions. I think that mindset will display itself in your confidence and you will be more attractive to others (women, friends and employers) when you once again become employed, successful with relationships/job/etc. It will also help you from becoming an intolerable asswipe if/when you become wildly successful with women and business, some day!

I had no idea dear Abby posted here

[Peace]

Agree BTW with Jim (a first time for all things). Explaining to the landlord what is going on will help a lot. I am sympathetic to someone who has the courtesy to call. People who blow me off get legal action. Why? It's just courteous.

 

I have no solution for the actual problems but do believe that awful cliche that "This too shall pass." When I look back at the many moments I had that were similar to what you're going through, I can't believe how much angst I was in. It always passed. And it really does pale in comparison to what many other people go through. Take some deep breaths. Count your blessings. And sort things out slowly as best you can.

 

Oh, and don't be afraid to ask for help. People will help if they can. Try not to ask for cash if you can avoid it...but someone's car, a spare room, a job (even an oddjob), a meal, groceries, a toke of weed are the sorts of things people are ALWAYS willing to give when they can.

 

BTW, you're in a good spot as far as looking for work. What kind of work do you do and where are you?

[Captain Caveman]

good luck, hope things get better soon.

[thebug]

Stay positive man. Do you have family and friends where you live? If so lean on them, that's what they are for. Maybe crash on someones couch for a bit until you can get back on your feet. It's ok to ask for help. You are off to a good start by being open about it. Be honest with people and they will likely cut you a break. Good luck. I look forward to hearing your bounce back story.

[Jim in Anchorage]

Agree BTW with Jim (a first time for all things). Explaining to the landlord what is going on will help a lot. I am sympathetic to someone who has the courtesy to call. People who blow me off get legal action. Why? It's just courteous.

 

I have no solution for the actual problems but do believe that awful cliché that "This too shall pass." When I look back at the many moments I had that were similar to what you're going through, I can't believe how much angst I was in. It always passed. And it really does pale in comparison to what many other people go through. Take some deep breaths. Count your blessings. And sort things out slowly as best you can.

 

Oh, and don't be afraid to ask for help. People will help if they can. Try not to ask for cash if you can avoid it...but someone's car, a spare room, a job (even an odd job), a meal, groceries, a toke of weed are the sorts of things people are ALWAYS willing to give when they can.

 

BTW, you're in a good spot as far as looking for work. What kind of work do you do and where are you?

Thrilled you agree with me. Certainty a good reefer hit is exactly what he needs. That will fix it.

Edited September 13, 2010 by Jim in Anchorage

[Chef Jim]

 

Sorry, that's all I've got right now. Best thing is to bring a smile.

[shrader]

I haven't been too crazy about 2010 either, but can't really offer you much in the way of advice. But best of luck to you. I hope you get things in order soon.

[KD in CA]

Sorry to hear some of you guys have had a rough stretch. Hope things start to pick up soon.

[Peace]

It could be worse: You could be a Bills fan.

[The Dean]

Thrilled you agree with me. Certainty a good reefer hit is exactly what he needs. That will fix it.

 

 

Well, there is no magic bullet for fixing everything, but an occasional break to enjoy a buzz might help one slog through. It has worked for me in the past, when properly administered.

[DrDawkinstein]

I have been though far, far worse. First of all explain to the landlord why you may be late with the rent. Don't just blow it off and not pay. And I am a landlord and will take a reasonable explanation as to why they may be late.[i had a renter say to me "I can't pay-what do you what me to do-rob a bank?" Wrong answer, eviction notice.

Past due? Generally no action is taken[shut off] till 90 days. Pay the oldest bill first-that puts you at 60 day's and buys some time.

 

hang in there Froggy, things will work themselves out if you just keep plugging away.

 

also, great advice from Jim, but don't just talk to your landlord. your best bet is to keep in contact with anyone (company) you are late in paying. even if it is months. if you are worried about your car being repossessed then the best thing you can do for yourself is be in contact with the financing company before they call you. if they already are calling, call them in the morning before they get to you. explain to them the situation, and let them know that you now have a job with pay coming. even if they can put a "promise to pay $X.XX on XX/XX/XX " on record on your account, it will save you from being reposessed. and the promise isnt legally binding, so dont worry too much about it. just dont give them your payment info. not saying to be sneaky and lie, just protect yourself during a tough time. they will appreciate you approaching them, and it will take some stress off until you finally do get paid.

 

i know about that right way to do it, cause i went through some really hard times, did it the wrong way (hide from your bills), and lost everything. ive since gone through rough patches that went much smoother because i learned from my mistakes and then did it the right way.

 

good luck and keep your head up dude. we've all been there before.

Edited September 13, 2010 by DrDankenstein

[The Poojer]

there are resources that can help...churches, social services, family friends.....trust me, been there, done that....keep in mind, car gets repo'd, the sun will still come up....work with the power company, work with the car company....not sure how old you are, but think of this as your time to figure out a new tact...think about going back to school, think of a career that has interested you. whatever you do, don't worry about a relationship right now...this is YOU time, don't complicate your life or someone elses life right now.

 

seriously, think of this as an opportunity and see what possibilities are out there...you are gonna have to suck up your pride and lean on others, people are always willing to help...you'd be amazed...best of all, don't keep it in....announcing this to a bunch of 'strangers' is a good step, we may goof on others all the time, but when one of the members of this community needs a bit of support, this group always steps up to the challenge.

 

Good luck and keep me/us posted.

 

No one ever actually asks for help, they leave it in code and expect that people will read into it. Since no one here knows me personally and any attempt at creating a code would just be in vain. Here I go, I need words of encouragement, I am having a horrible year.

relationship

It started, finding out that the girl that I had been seeing for 2 years was cheating on me. It got better when I met another girl after months of lonely nights, I thought that she was the one, not that maybe she was the one-but in fact she was it. Till last night when she told me she wanted to take a break. I thought I did everything right, and yet I guess I didn't.

career

At the very beginning of the year I had a great job, until it was bought out by its competition, they then cut my pay in half reduced my vacation and increased my insurance rate. I stuck with it for a few months, but I felt I was worth more so I left, and started working for a friend of mine. A guy I've known for years started his own business years ago and finally they were big enough to hire me. He was no longer in the field and basically worked in the office. The manager he and his partner had hired decided I wasn't right for the company and fired me, I was later told he was threatened by my years of experience and my relationship with the owner. But the owner would not step in. regardless I was jobless, I have never been fired in my life and had no idea what to do, I stuck my neck out for this guy and his company and lost everything, of course I have been rehired by another company I start tomorrow, but at a fraction of what I was paid before, and of course no vacation the first year. I was without work for 4 weeks, and have lost almost everything, and the small amount that I was hoping to get from unemployment was denied.

I honestly have no idea how I am going to get through this week let alone today, I have a past due notice sitting on my coffee table next to a notice that I will not be getting help from unemployment. I am waiting for my car to be repo'd and the power to be turned off, hopefully I can find enough money to pay rent in 2 weeks.

Frogger

[Cugalabanza]

...I am having a horrible year...

I'm sorry to hear about all your bad breaks. I can't really offer any more advice that what has been posted here already. But I do know what it's like when it feels that life is kicking you when you're down. I've been there where it feels like your confidence and self esteem are scraping the bottom of the barrel. I'll just say that it is worthwhile to ride out the tough patches.

 

I hope things start looking up for you very soon.

 

 

gringo

[The Poojer]

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

I know you don't probably believe in this kind of thing, but pray about it.

[KD in CA]

I love Austin, TX (where I live), but it isn't the be all to end all.

 

Then again, maybe it is!

 

 

 

and of course, Buffalo is down at #93

Edited September 14, 2010 by KD in CT

[frogger]

Just wanted to send an update

 

Since then, that relationship went from bad to absolutely horrid, I have been married in the past and have gone through a fair share of break ups, but this seems to be hurting the most. Maybe it is because of my age, maybe it is because I never saw it coming, but I think it is because in my eyes she was perfect. Everyone insist I'll find someone new, and I am sure that I will, but I know that it won't compare. I've honestly never thought that before. After each break up I find the things I disliked about them, and tell myself that the next one won't be that way. But I have nothing, other than the way she is making me feel. Too often in this world we are on our guard against being hurt, the longer time goes on the less likely you'll find someone that is really in a loving relationship. At some point you have to wonder do they love me or the security/income/emotional need/parental expectations?

With Olivia, I never felt those things were the reason. She made me feel special all the way to the end.

 

yeah I know I am a p^ssy, but I honestly do not care. I am 6'2" 217 pounds, I can bench nearly 400 pounds, but I can be taken to my knees and reduced to tears by a 5'2" 115 pound redhead.