25 things chefs never tell you

[Just Jack]

I suppose that's better than helping the housekeepers.

 

Note that my current job takes me to many different retirement homes of different costs, from county run to private, so I've seen many scales of amenities and care

[Chef Jim]

I used to be a dishwasher at two restaurants in high school. Where does that rank me in the chef/waiter hierarchy?

 

Note : At one of the two, I was allowed to help the chef with the easy things (fries/pasta/salads/simple sandwiches) when things were slow on my end.

 

There were only two people that I took care of (other than the customers of course) one was the dishwasher/potwasher so I'd get my plates, pots and pans to me quickly during service and the bartender...for obvious reasons.

[BuffaloBillsForever]

They left out the culinary underbelly on that list which is the most interesting.

 

1) The chef touching your food probably has tobacco stains on his hands and wreaks of cigarette smoke.

2) The individuals cleaning the dishes and cooking your food are probably on some type of drugs and just got back from smoking weed, crack in the bathroom or just drank the pitcher of beer that was supposed to go into the beer batter for Friday fish-fry.

 

P.S. to the customers: just to let you know the cooks and waitresses are bangin` eachother

Edited September 10, 2010 by BuffaloBillsForever

[Chef Jim]

They left out the culinary underbelly on that list which is the most interesting.

 

1) The chef cooking your food probably has tobacco stains on his hands and wreaks of cigarette smoke.

2) The individuals cleaning the dishes and cooking your food are probably on some type of drugs and just got back from smoking weed, crack in the bathroom or just drank the pitcher of beer that was supposed to go into the beer batter for Friday fish-fry.

 

P.S. to the customers: just to let you know the cooks and waitresses are bangin` eachother

 

They did but I didn't. Oh and don't tell Booster about the cooks bangine the waitresses. He thinks the waiters got them all.

[BuffaloBillsForever]

I always treated the dishwashers like gold. They were one of the few people I would make custom meals for that were not on the menu. In fact I always thought of them as the backbone to running a successful kitchen. They are always the ones that get you out of jams or what we like to call in the industry as "in the weeds" or what I like to call "in the $%^%". You can find plenty of decent diswhashers but there are few that are great at the job. I feel they are very underappreciated and most importantly underpaid.

 

I have always said it takes a special breed to work in a restaurant and that you have to have a couple screws loose upstairs - cooks included.

Edited September 10, 2010 by BuffaloBillsForever

[Booster4324]

They did but I didn't. Oh and don't tell Booster about the cooks bangine the waitresses. He thinks the waiters got them all.

 

I was a waiter for two years and a bartender for fifteen years. I was just sticking up for the front of the house. Clearly, the waitresses are whores.

 

I used to be a dishwasher at two restaurants in high school. Where does that rank me in the chef/waiter hierarchy?

 

Note : At one of the two, I was allowed to help the chef with the easy things (fries/pasta/salads/simple sandwiches) when things were slow on my end.

 

General Manager

Bartender

Assistant Managers

Waiter/Cook (tie and best I will grant you Chef)

Hostess

Busboy

Dishwasher (beaten by a guy with boy in his title, but the extra cooking could elevate you to his status)

Edited September 10, 2010 by Booster4324

[Chef Jim]

I was a waiter for two years and a bartender for fifteen years. I was just sticking up for the front of the house. Clearly, the waitresses are whores.

 

 

 

General Manager

Bartender

Assistant Managers

Waiter/Cook (tie and best I will grant you Chef)

Hostess

Busboy

Dishwasher (beaten by a guy with boy in his title, but the extra cooking could elevate you to his status)

 

How can you put us so far down. Without us you're toast. We can always deliver the food ourselves but try and put a waitron behind the line and put out a meal.

 

And of course waitresses are whores. I have a joke:

 

What's the difference between a waitress and a '57 Chevy?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not everyone's had a '57 Chevy.

[Booster4324]

How can you put us so far down. Without us you're toast. We can always deliver the food ourselves but try and put a waitron behind the line and put out a meal.

 

And of course waitresses are whores. I have a joke:

 

What's the difference between a waitress and a '57 Chevy?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not everyone's had a '57 Chevy.

 

We are screwed if a waitress reads this. I could see a genuinely talented Chef (very fine dining) maybe moving up to a tie with Assistant Managers in specific restaurants. The same argument can be made for Waiters though. They have to sell the overpriced crap.

 

In all seriousness, I have a lot of respect for a good Chef. The job is very similar (stress wise) to a Bartenders in a lot of ways. Bartenders have to put on a public persona. Everyone wants a show in a way (think the movie Cocktail where they manage to make 1 shooter in 3 minutes with 300 patrons wrapped around the bar), and they expect the product (drinks) to be what they want. So for Bourbon and Coke it should be 3/4s Bourbon and 1/4 Coke like at home. I could make that, just do not B word about the price. We have to deal with unwitting new hires (servers) who ask why the White Zinfandel is not white.

 

Chefs have to deal with unwitting customers and servers as well. "Why did you sell him a Sirloin well done? If he wants shoe leather, give him your shoe." They work in almost unbearable heat and for long hours where absolute concentration is required to produce an edible meal for hundreds of people. When there is a a ton of different types of recipes to be made they have to prep and do so in a very coordinated fashion. They have to consider what is to be prepared for an average night. Over prepare for the night and stuff goes to waste which increases food costs. Under prepare and you wreck the restaurant. Wait times, reservations, tips, GMs/owners mood goes to ****, everything. In nearly unbearable heat at times.

 

A really good server on the other hand can suggestive sell the crap out of everything (increasing sales and profitability if not necessarily percentage of profits), without using such stupid **** as the "Sullivan Nod". They know how to turn and burn a table. They know the product you are producing and suggest what you and I make best.

 

All of them are important in a well run restaurant. That includes the Hostess, Busboys, and the Dishwashers as well. When one is lacking, it impacts everyone.

[birdog1960]

 

assuming that the staff is conscientious and prideful in their work (and judging from some of the comments this may not always be a valid assumption), what are risky foods to order out in regards to health and taste? is the statement about specials being experiments with leftovers generally accurate? i always worry about shellfish but still order it. i know, for instance, that the shelf live of mussels is very short and they should probably be thrown out if not consumed pretty quickly. is it common to risk patrons health on stuff like this for the bottom line? some of the comments are making me a little queasy. i know a great cook who opened an excellent high end place that never seemed to skimp and served amazing food but went broke in a little over a year despite being busy (and they did mark up the wine X2-2.5 as stated in the article). does it take unsavory practices (not including the wine mark up- i get that) to make it in this biz? sure hope not.

[BuffaloBillsForever]

I was a waiter for two years and a bartender for fifteen years. I was just sticking up for the front of the house. Clearly, the waitresses are whores.

 

 

 

General Manager

Bartender

Assistant Managers

Waiter/Cook (tie and best I will grant you Chef)

Hostess

Busboy

Dishwasher (beaten by a guy with boy in his title, but the extra cooking could elevate you to his status)

 

The dishwasher would be at the top of the list if one was looking to score a "pick me up" to get you through the work day. 12-13 hour shifts are a norm.

 

The restaurant business is a fascinating world. You have to deal and interact with so many different personalities - sometimes to the extreme .

[Booster4324]

The dishwasher would be at the top of the list if one was looking to score a "pick me up" to get you through the work day. 12-13 hour shifts are a norm.

 

The restaurant business is a fascinating world. You have to deal and interact with so many different personalities - sometimes to the extreme .

 

If you want drugs, consult the back of the house. If you bought them from the front of the house, it was at a markup.

Edited September 11, 2010 by Booster4324

[/dev/null]

I've never had a chef tell me what they heard the cook at Los Alamos in 1947 hear what happened in the desert that year...

[BuffaloBillsForever]

If you turned this thread into a movie, it would be entertaining.

[/dev/null]

If you turned this thread into a movie, it would be entertaining.

 

Umm, no.

 

If you turned this thread into a movie it would make over $100 Million because a fool and his money are soon parted.

 

But that doesn't mean it would be entertaining

[BuffaloBillsForever]

assuming that the staff is conscientious and prideful in their work (and judging from some of the comments this may not always be a valid assumption), what are risky foods to order out in regards to health and taste? is the statement about specials being experiments with leftovers generally accurate? i always worry about shellfish but still order it. i know, for instance, that the shelf live of mussels is very short and they should probably be thrown out if not consumed pretty quickly. is it common to risk patrons health on stuff like this for the bottom line? some of the comments are making me a little queasy. i know a great cook who opened an excellent high end place that never seemed to skimp and served amazing food but went broke in a little over a year despite being busy (and they did mark up the wine X2-2.5 as stated in the article). does it take unsavory practices (not including the wine mark up- i get that) to make it in this biz? sure hope not.

 

Specials are used for a variety of reasons but the end goal is to yield high margins and/or as a way to control food costs. Special items generally have higher profit margins attached to them over the regular menu items. This is why chefs will push the wait staff to sell them. A lot of head chefs all they care about is food costs - if they hit their targets, they get a bonus. These targets are given by the kitchen manager.

 

Sometimes specials are geared to seasonal ingredients, themes or in some cases to yield profit and/or control food costs on leftover ingredients or product that is on verge of spoilage. The latter seems yucky but with a well run restaurant these specials can end up being very good. On the other hand a poorly run restaurant the specials I would avoid like the plague.

 

As to seafood, the general rule of thumb is common sense. If the restaurant is geared towards fried fast foods - avoid shellfish or any type of seafood. In this case the product will not be fresh and the storage of the product can be suspect. I great restaurant wont cut corners in this regard (or try not to at least )

 

In regards to mussels specifically, I refer to it as the "pasta of seafood". Restaurants can get fresh mussels dirt cheap from their suppliers and the mark up is huge on mussels. They can be a tasty meal but IMO vastly overpriced with the restaurant mark-up. Make those meals at home. I would be hesitant to order mussels from a restaurant unless I knew

first hand if the kitchen is competent or not.

 

A lot of cooks do not know the proper method to store mussels and don't clean the beards or take any steps to get any grit that may be present before they cook them. You do not want to cook dead ones (open) either. Little things like that.

Edited September 11, 2010 by BuffaloBillsForever

[Chef Jim]

We are screwed if a waitress reads this. I could see a genuinely talented Chef (very fine dining) maybe moving up to a tie with Assistant Managers in specific restaurants. The same argument can be made for Waiters though. They have to sell the overpriced crap.

 

In all seriousness, I have a lot of respect for a good Chef. The job is very similar (stress wise) to a Bartenders in a lot of ways. Bartenders have to put on a public persona. Everyone wants a show in a way (think the movie Cocktail where they manage to make 1 shooter in 3 minutes with 300 patrons wrapped around the bar), and they expect the product (drinks) to be what they want. So for Bourbon and Coke it should be 3/4s Bourbon and 1/4 Coke like at home. I could make that, just do not B word about the price. We have to deal with unwitting new hires (servers) who ask why the White Zinfandel is not white.

 

Chefs have to deal with unwitting customers and servers as well. "Why did you sell him a Sirloin well done? If he wants shoe leather, give him your shoe." They work in almost unbearable heat and for long hours where absolute concentration is required to produce an edible meal for hundreds of people. When there is a a ton of different types of recipes to be made they have to prep and do so in a very coordinated fashion. They have to consider what is to be prepared for an average night. Over prepare for the night and stuff goes to waste which increases food costs. Under prepare and you wreck the restaurant. Wait times, reservations, tips, GMs/owners mood goes to ****, everything. In nearly unbearable heat at times.

 

A really good server on the other hand can suggestive sell the crap out of everything (increasing sales and profitability if not necessarily percentage of profits), without using such stupid **** as the "Sullivan Nod". They know how to turn and burn a table. They know the product you are producing and suggest what you and I make best.

 

All of them are important in a well run restaurant. That includes the Hostess, Busboys, and the Dishwashers as well. When one is lacking, it impacts everyone.

 

I didn't read all of that, too wordy for 6:00am, but I will say the difference between a Chef and a bartender is we didn't have to deal directly with the public, so in that respect a bartender's job is tougher

 

The last place I was an executive Chef was a little Provencal Bistro in LA. The owner was French and the only time I really left the kitchen was when he wanted to introduce me to his friends. One time he introduced me to a table of 8-10 of his friends and they all started jabbering in French. Whoa, I told them, I'm American (pointing to my Buffalo Bills cap ) I don't speak French and have never even been to France. "Where did you learn to cook this great French food if you've never been to France?" you froggies. My favorite encounter in that place was with Michel Blanchet who was the Chef at the famous L'Ermitage in LA. He used to come in once a week with his wife and I'd sit down with him and chat. I told him "Chef (never called him by his first name) having you come in once a week to eat my food is better than any positive review I could ever have."

 

Oh BTW he was an old fat French dude and his wife was a hot Asian woman. See, as I mentioned chicks dig guys who can cook.

[Just Jack]

Oh BTW he was an old fat French dude and his wife was a hot Asian woman. See, as I mentioned chicks dig guys who can cook.

So all I have to do is learn to cook and I can get a hot Asian, since I'm already fat? Cool!

[thebug]

So all I have to do is learn to cook and I can get a hot Asian, since I'm already fat? Cool!

 

 

You don't really have to learn how to cook, you just need to get a job as a cook. (yes I said cook, not chef, they are the same)

[Chef Jim]

You don't really have to learn how to cook, you just need to get a job as a cook. (yes I said cook, not chef, they are the same)

 

A chef is a cook, but a cook is not always a chef.

[thebug]

A chef is a cook, but a cook is not always a chef.

 

 

Fair enough....I know a couple of guys who call themselves "chefs" and believe me, they are cooks.