Chef Jim Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 (edited) My additions (remember I've been out of the business awhile so some are dated) 1. We've all cooked your meal drunk 2. We've snorted cocaine off your plate at one point 3. We all know another cook/chef who's killed someone 4. One of us has !@#$ed your wife or girlfriend. Chicks dig guys who can cook. 5. The reason your wine is marked up 300% is because we keep stealing the Crystal. 6. The filet you're eating was down our pants but we got caught trying to sneak it out the back door. 7. We've bled on something you've eaten in the past 8. We've had a cigarette hanging out our mouth while cooking your meal. 9. We've bribed a health inspector to not close our doors. And number ten.................. You are never right. Edited September 9, 2010 by Chef Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 I knew a cocktail who poured an entire bottle of Tabasco into a ladies drink (a Bloody Mary) who was not tipping. The little old lady had a heart attack and almost died. The casino as well as the waitress was sued. Food for thought? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebug Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 My additions (remember I've been out of the business awhile so some are dated) 1. We've all cooked your meal drunk 2. We've snorted cocaine off your plate at one point 3. We all know another cook/chef who's killed someone 4. One of us has !@#$ed your wife or girlfriend. Chicks dig guys who can cook. 5. The reason your wine is marked up 300% is because we keep stealing the Crystal. 6. The filet you're eating was down our pants but we got caught trying to sneak it out the back door. 7. We've bled on something you've eaten in the past 8. We've had a cigarette hanging out our mouth while cooking your meal. 9. We've bribed a health inspector to not close our doors. And number ten.................. You are never right. That's why they make less than the servers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 That's why they make less than the servers. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 That's why they make less than the servers. Maybe but sure looks like we're having all the fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebug Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Maybe but sure looks like we're having all the fun. Apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Maybe but sure looks like we're having all the fun. Please, the servers got laid way more, of course that may simply be because they had the money to spring for drinks for the waitresses ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Please, the servers got laid way more, of course that may simply be because they had the money to spring for drinks for the waitresses ... Well it's easy when you're all !@#$ing gay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Well it's easy when you're all !@#$ing gay. Gay guys sleeping with waitresses? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Gay guys sleeping with waitresses? No getting laid more by sleeting with each other. Come on man, we all know buying the waitresses drinks was just a cover up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 No getting laid more by sleeting with each other. Come on man, we all know buying the waitresses drinks was just a cover up. Waiters control the weather? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Waiters control the weather? Yes, it's all the cheap !@#$ing cologne they wear. We used to joke in the kitchen that we could tell when it was 5:00pm. The place would start to smell like "waiter." As a matter of fact we were sitting outside last weekend and our neighbor walked by. My wife took one whiff and said "he must be a waiter." LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) Yes, it's all the cheap !@#$ing cologne they wear. We used to joke in the kitchen that we could tell when it was 5:00pm. The place would start to smell like "waiter." As a matter of fact we were sitting outside last weekend and our neighbor walked by. My wife took one whiff and said "he must be a waiter." LOL Could be worse I suppose. They could have horrible BO after their deodorant (assuming they could afford it) failed two hours into their shift since they were in intense heat all night. Edited September 10, 2010 by Booster4324 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Could be worse I suppose. They could have horrible BO after their deodorant (assuming they could afford it) failed two hours into their shift since they were in intense heat all night. At least we smell better after our shower not worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) At least we smell better after our shower not worse. So wait, you are saying the waiters smelled worse after they washed off the cheap cologne? Edit-take care Chef. I have to run, if you want we can renew our front of the house vs back of the house tomorrow. Edited September 10, 2010 by Booster4324 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 So wait, you are saying the waiters smelled worse after they washed off the cheap cologne? No, you nitwit they put on that crap ass cologne after they took a shower. Listen I'm going to leave with this. Until there is a TV Servers Network, Iron Waiter, Waiter's Magazine, Hell's Waiter's Station, Top Server, Amazing Glasses of Water, you (and I'm assuming you used to wait tables) are nothing more than a means for getting our creations out to the people who want them. They're not there for you, they just happen to need you to eat our food. Now get this food out to table 12 before it gets cold and I have to cut your nuts off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeviF Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 No, you nitwit they put on that crap ass cologne after they took a shower. Listen I'm going to leave with this. Until there is a TV Servers Network, Iron Waiter, Waiter's Magazine, Hell's Waiter's Station, Top Server, Amazing Glasses of Water, you (and I'm assuming you used to wait tables) are nothing more than a means for getting our creations out to the people who want them. They're not there for you, they just happen to need you to eat our food. Now get this food out to table 12 before it gets cold and I have to cut your nuts off, waitscum You forgot my favorite term for the waitstaff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 You forgot my favorite term for the waitstaff. Well I wouldn't go that far, we did need them anyway. We just made it very clear to them who was in charge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) I used to be a dishwasher at two restaurants in high school. Where does that rank me in the chef/waiter hierarchy? Note : At one of the two, I was allowed to help the chef with the easy things (fries/pasta/salads/simple sandwiches) when things were slow on my end. Edited September 10, 2010 by Just Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 I used to be a dishwasher at two restaurants in high school. Where does that rank me in the chef/waiter hierarchy? Note : At one of the two, I was allowed to help the chef with the easy things (fries/pasta/salads/simple sandwiches) when things were slow on my end. You have a future in the retirement home - you'll be able to help pay for your own stay by helping the kitchen staff. It will be especially fun on pudding and jello night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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