Constructive Criticism on an article...

[UpstateSwagger]

I can't think of a more knowledgable group of football fans, so I was hoping I could get some constructive criticism on an article I'm having a dificult time with.

 

Urban Meyer (probably) doesn't hate the media, but he sure makes it clear that they are more nuisance than necessity to his college footballing empire. Like a jilted partner may slowly let the person down whom they've been dating, Urban has managed to subtly weed the media and fans out of his Fall preparatory practices.

 

On the surface, the intention appears to be to purge the Gator's atmosphere of agents, runners and hangers-on, alike, but truth be told, I think Coach Meyer takes genuine pleasure in creatively using any means necessary to refocus his troops. On a deeper psychological level, this is just one more tool Urban will use to incubate an atmosphere of togetherness with an emphasis on uninhibited focus and commitment to the team.

 

In the coaching world, there is a wide and varied spectrum when it comes to the approach to leadership. Some bark, some need only a steely glare, some get in their players faces while others heap encouragement on their teams sometimes even achieving the moniker of a “player's coach.” You have those that open the doors of their program for all to see and those that would seem to rather issue an ass-whooping than a media credential and prefer prostate exams to an honest press conference.

 

It's not a real shocker then that Bill Bellichek and Urban Meyer get along so famously; while the “hooded one” is known for his one-word answers and vague injury reports (it's amazing how any injury, no matter how severe, can be reported as “day-to-day”), Urban has a more subtle disdain for sharing the details and un-checked access to his program. There's something in Coach Meyer's make-up that seems to crave an us-against-them mentality. This Spring's “Fowler-gate,” Coach Meyer's well-documented dust-up with the Orlando Sentinel's Jeremy Fowler over a Deonte Thompson quote, was a classic example of Urban showing his players that he has their backs against “them.” I believe this “them” entity to be just about anyone who is not a program guy. My theory goes as follows:

 

You ask tough questions of my players or breach personal subjects with me? You're one of “them.”

 

You're a player who has continually made poor decisions and embarrassed our program? Go stand over there with “them.”

 

Excuse me, but are you a former player who's stepping out of line and questioning what we're doing moving forward? “Them.”

 

And now, and maybe most importantly in this climate of shady, slick agents and thick entourages, have you taken money, do you know anyone with dirty money, do you have any delusions of nefarious activity that involves the taking of and/or giving of money? You are certainly “them,” and I will do everything in my power to keep you away from my program – even if that means shutting down my practices to fan and foe, alike.

 

In the paranoid world of a football super-genius, outsiders may all look like agents and their runners. Urban Meyer is no rube. He looked across the country to maybe the only school and coach who could rival his college football empire, and he saw his complete antithesis – USC and Pete Carroll. Urban saw their wide open practices, high-profile “friends of the program,” countless ex-players and celebrities, and now, like a bad John Calipari movie, he's seen it reduced to relative ashes. Well, as if Urban needed any more affirmation that open-door policies create a myriad of problems in a myriad of foreseeable and unforeseeable ways, the USC investigations and subsequent sanctions may have been the tipping point. Over the last few years, open practices were reduced and reduced and now they've been stopped altogether. It is not unreasonable to think that USC's recent issues were the ultimate death-nail for fan and media access to early Gator practices.

 

While I'm sure many Gator fans were disappointed about not being able to get off work early to get a look at the team in an afternoon practice, most Gator fans realize the recent success they've enjoyed is directly linked to the circling of the program's wagons. Urban Meyer's single-minded and unflinching commitment to success has brought them a few things much more valuable than a couple preliminary open practices: rings.

 

As the slow burn of another summer gives way to the fireworks of a football-filled fall, all of college football will be waiting and watching to see if the program and the coach have lost their edge. Early reports from camp indicate that they shouldn't hold their breath. Coach Meyer has praised his players for a totally focused and committed camp, and the players have said the team has never been so tight. If you happen to be one of “them,” look out.

[San Jose Bills Fan]

Gotta run off to work, so I can't comment too much.

 

Who is the article for?

 

It's well written and I think you developed the thesis pretty thoroughly.

 

Also, it's "death knell" (the ringing of a bell at a funeral) not nail.

 

Hope your article is well received.

[Fezmid]

Personally, I've never been a fan of putting ()'s in an article/paper. I think it detracts from the flow.

[Wayne Cubed]

good read.

 

 

why use the word "footballing" and not just football empire?

[SageAgainstTheMachine]

Personally, I've never been a fan of putting ()'s in an article/paper. I think it detracts from the flow.

 

I actually tend to like it, and use parentheses when I write pretty often. In my opinion, it can allow for the writer to control the pace and flow of the article. Also, when you read an opinion article it is supposed to come off as if the writer is reading it aloud to you. Parenthetical asides give the piece a more personal touch.

 

Of course, you can go overkill with parentheses and plenty of writers unfortunately do.