Dr. K Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 A writer friend of mine just published this. I thought it might amuse. (He lives in Philly, and I gave him a hard time about the Eagles) Your Streets, O Buffalo! Your Streets Filled of Light! by Michael Swanwick These are things that Daniel Francken never says about Buffalo: All roads lead to Buffalo, New York. Even the neediest citizen of that happy city would scorn to leave it for all of Ted Turner’s wealth. In the spring, the fountains run with sparkling white wine. In the autumn, they spout dark red ale. The building spires are all topped with gems. Though the suavest and most agile jewel thieves in the world live there, they scorn to defile their city’s skyline by taking them. The winters are moderated by the proximity of Canada, which softens the winds, and of the lake which gently warms them. The summers are so clement that nobody in Buffalo owns an air conditioner, and many don’t even know what one is. The white sand beaches of Lake Erie are one of the world’s greatest secrets. Famous Brazilian beauties come to sunbathe topless by the crystalline waters, knowing that nobody there would be so ungentlemanly as to harass them. So much like Paradise is this great city that if a unicorn were to materialize in Delaware Park, nobody would be surprised. See Buffalo and die! Its streets are paved with gold. The hearts of its inhabitants are filled with song. The police are incorruptible and the criminals are in it only for the sport; they give away their spoils to the poor – of whom, in Buffalo, there are almost none. He who is tired of Buffalo is tired of life. The sports teams there always win. Those are but a few of the things that Daniel Francken never says about his home town. When he first read this story, he did not rip off the nails of both his pinky toes in a fit of frustration. (With apologies to Alice Sheldon and Jamaica Kinkaid) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
San Jose Bills Fan Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I see your buddy didn't get laid when he visited our fair town. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I see your buddy didn't get laid when he visited our fair town. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Offside Number 76 Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 Well, your friend hasn't the talent to rip Buffalo well, apparently. We've all seen it done; we've all seen it done much better than that. And it remains a great place to live (I moved back after ten years, and I love it). Your buddy needs a little more creativity, and less use of his thesaurus, though, to make it funny. Plus, he's from Philly? Well, whatever, I guess. Good luck to him. Good luck to you, in North Carolina, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayFinkle Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 I think you forgot to post the comic relief... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. K Posted August 6, 2010 Author Share Posted August 6, 2010 Well, I thought it was funny, and I have always been loyal to the Queen City of the Lakes. I take it as the kind of mockery friends tease each other with. Your mileage may differ. He's well aware that most jokes people make about Buffalo you could file the serial numbers off and make about Philly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SF Bills Fan Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 Not bad. Worthy in my book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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