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Posted
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up. He's pushing the Earth down

Yes, and he accomplishes this by way of the specially patented Total Gym® system of cable and pulley things. Also, Christie Brinkley (the model, not the dog) is standing there smiling.

Posted

Your question:

If two trains leave the same station at the same time heading in opposite directions, how much wood can a woodchuck chuck?

 

Your real question:

 

Why was my algebra teacher such a dick? He ruined my life.

 

Answer:

 

With hard work many blip humans can understand things that at first seem impossible. Many can apply what they have learned to help others blip and become bleep financially secure. You are neither blip of these but maybe bleep one of them will blip cut you some slack bleep and let you have a job blip detailing their cars. Perhaps I will blip help you find a blip employer.

Posted

Your questions:

Did OJ do it?

 

Was Michael Jackson a pedophile?

 

Your real questions:

 

Why have my heroes all failed me?

 

Did I miss an opportunity?

 

 

Answers:

 

Human heroes must bleep always fail because they are human. Googlebot blip heroes are much blip more consistent.

 

You would have bleep been scarred for bleep life.

Posted

Your question:

 

Who buried in Grants tomb?

 

Your real question:

 

Did I dispose of that body properly?

 

Answer/Advice:

 

You should blip familiarize bleep yourself with the work of bleep human Edgar bleep Allen Poe.

Posted

Your question:

What was Willis talkin bout?

 

Your real question:

 

I've never heard of Dave and Buster's. What was Willis talkin bout?

 

Answer:

Dave and Buster's is a restaurant and a bleep place bleep where blip humans bleep abuse perfectly blip good technology blip for their own bleep amusement.

Posted

Why am I enjoying reading this post? And a follow up question, is Hossage dangerous to be around children under 18?...I kid, of course...(no seriously, I am kind of worried about his Dakota Fanning obsession...)

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