Award Acceptance

[ieatcrayonz]

As the winner of the 23rd post wins thread, I humbly accept the title of champion. Thank you Mr. Warwrwowwrw or however you spell it.

 

As I'm sure you have seen, I returned the $1.38 Million in cash and the Schlitz, Utica Club and Rheingold bottle caps earlier this morning. Although always appreciated, the money is a mere blip and I did not have the bandwidth to get to my accountant this morning so screw it. The bottle caps were a nice idea, but frankly they were in bad condidtion. Where have you been storing those things?

 

Anyway, I have decided to give you a prize instead; just for running such a good and above board contest. Within the next few days, I will post a 2010 Bills Preview article in this thread. As your reward, I will encourage you to publish it under your by line with no threat of me accusing you of being an article stealing polygamist.

 

I am very busy what with code name Ennifer turning things upside down looking for Sage's strictly private contact information and all sorts of other stuff going on here, but I will get to it and your career will be looking up.

 

You're welcome in advance.

[Beerball]

Mahatma had nothing on you!

[Assquatch]

As the winner of the 23rd post wins thread, I humbly accept the title of champion. Thank you Mr. Warwrwowwrw or however you spell it.

 

As I'm sure you have seen, I returned the $1.38 Million in cash and the Schlitz, Utica Club and Rheingold bottle caps earlier this morning. Although always appreciated, the money is a mere blip and I did not have the bandwidth to get to my accountant this morning so screw it. The bottle caps were a nice idea, but frankly they were in bad condidtion. Where have you been storing those things?

 

Anyway, I have decided to give you a prize instead; just for running such a good and above board contest. Within the next few days, I will post a 2010 Bills Preview article in this thread. As your reward, I will encourage you to publish it under your by line with no threat of me accusing you of being an article stealing polygamist.

 

I am very busy what with code name Ennifer turning things upside down looking for Sage's strictly private contact information and all sorts of other stuff going on here, but I will get to it and your career will be looking up.

 

You're welcome in advance.

It seems that only 21 posts made it into that thread before jw declared you winner. Is that because you're Canadian and it's a metric thing?

[Beerball]

It seems that only 21 posts made it into that thread before jw declared you winner. Is that because you're Canadian and it's a metric thing?

He will NEVER admit to that, it is the bigest darkest secretion of his past life. As a matter of fact, he would probably kill anyone who even hinted at the fact that he was born on the other side of the borde

[Delete This Account]

As the winner of the 23rd post wins thread, I humbly accept the title of champion. Thank you Mr. Warwrwowwrw or however you spell it.

 

As I'm sure you have seen, I returned the $1.38 Million in cash and the Schlitz, Utica Club and Rheingold bottle caps earlier this morning. Although always appreciated, the money is a mere blip and I did not have the bandwidth to get to my accountant this morning so screw it. The bottle caps were a nice idea, but frankly they were in bad condidtion. Where have you been storing those things?

 

Anyway, I have decided to give you a prize instead; just for running such a good and above board contest. Within the next few days, I will post a 2010 Bills Preview article in this thread. As your reward, I will encourage you to publish it under your by line with no threat of me accusing you of being an article stealing polygamist.

 

I am very busy what with code name Ennifer turning things upside down looking for Sage's strictly private contact information and all sorts of other stuff going on here, but I will get to it and your career will be looking up.

 

You're welcome in advance.

thanks very much. i have forwarded the prize money to a charitable cause -- the jw drinking fund -- so you're fully assured that the money will be spent wisely and liberally (oops, is that a bad word?). and your generosity is unprecedented, since the cash prize money was $1.38. your gracious contribution of more than $1.37 million then was certainly appreciated.

as for your offer to place my name on your article, i will humbly decline as that is considered a big no-no in this business.

 

as for the fact that there are now 22 posts on the "23rd post wins" thread, it's apparent that some posters have stripped their posts off the thread. i, however, have verified that crayonz did, in fact, secure the 23rd post when the thread was closed. the decision will stand (or sit, whichever way you want to put it).

 

jw

[ieatcrayonz]

as for your offer to place my name on your article, i will humbly decline as that is considered a big no-no in this business.

jw

Wait until you read the article before you decide. No-no or not, I have already assured you there will be no charges of polygamy filed.

 

Do you think that guy who has the Howitzer Prize named after him wrote all his own stuff? I don't want to get your hopes up too high, but after this article you could maybe win a Howitzer, or maybe even have the whole thing re-named the Warwwrorwr prize or however you spell it.

 

Anyway, if you're going to drink with all that money at least preserve some of the bottle caps a little better this time. I was going to let Sammy use one for a toilet but he wouldn't even go near it to pee in it. And he's a hamster. Geez. Gross.

[Cugalabanza]

I was robbed

[ieatcrayonz]

I was robbed outsmarted

Fixed

[Cugalabanza]

Fixed

I guess I never really had a chance, considering your superior funding/connections/resources.

[ieatcrayonz]

I guess I never really had a chance, considering your superior funding/connections/resources/intellect.

Fixed again

[Cugalabanza]

Fixed again

Smoked

[ieatcrayonz]

Article coming soon......

[Nanker]

Article coming soon......

Is that anything like a "movement" of yours coming soon?

If so, thanks in advance for the warning.

[ieatcrayonz]

John,

 

Thanks for the award for 23rd post wins. I was truly humbled. Now with a little cutting and pasting you can win the Howitzer. Ditch your so called ethics for a few minutes and imagine your life as a rich superstar.

 

In case you can't follow where the article is going because it is written at such a high level, I have made notes for you. They follow the word NOTE:.

 

Erase these before you submit the article. I have put them in italics to remind you.

 

Bills look at 2010 as a time to build.......alternate title: what else is new?

 

By John Warwrwowwrw

 

If I may take a moment at the beginning of this article to introduce myself, I am John Warwrwowwrw and I am a better writer than all of of these other Bills reporters even when I am fall down drunk like I am now. I don't want to pick on the other writers but some of them who know who they are work for the Bills, some of them are just ok and allowed to stick around because they share a last name with the owner and one of them never got laid in high school, college or in fact life and has to take it out on Ralph and his team right Jerry? The dudes from the national companies and publications just crack jokes about Buffalo and act like it doesn't exist and some people want to be just like them right Jerry? Anyway, I've had chunks in my puke after an all night bender that have more talent than all of these guys put together so please pay close attention to this article.

 

NOTE: The part about writing while drunk starts the article off with an instant credibility that you are the actual author. This will help deflect any suspicion. The part about another reporter never having been laid shows some insider knowledge even if it is obvious.

 

After the 2009 season even the normally resilient Bills fans had to be feeling uneasy. They had an interim coach who seemed destined to be gone, they made overtures about getting in a big name like Cowher, Shanahan or even one rumor about Tony LaRussa changing sports of which he is smart enough to do. Fans had to know that no big name coaches would come to Buffalo. This was not just because the roster consisted of a starting QB who was a Glove Wearing Mary an a recent #1 pick who might some day be a situational pass rusher at best. Then again Maybinot. That may not be why these big names did not take the job. They may have been instructed by ESPN not to take the job because ESPN might want the Bills in LA and any big name would delay the process.

 

NOTE: The last part of the paragraph is known as a teaser. After reading this your public will want more. 2010 Howitzer CHECK. 2011 Howitzer up next. After 2012 it will be called the Warwrwowwrw.

 

The Bills organization was put in an awkward position and predictably fell into a comfort zone. New GM Buddy Nix, who despite his advanced age has not been able to rid himself of the accent that makes him sound dumb, selected someone who sounds equally dumb. It remains to be seen if these accents are fake or if these guys are really that dumb. Their first test was in the draft.

 

The Bills selected CJ Spiller from Clemson with their first pick. It was an obvious solid choice which annoyed ESPN who wants the Bills to move to LA. So far the guys with the dumb accents were looking pretty smart to me, but then again I had been in the bar watching the draft for at least two hours so I had about 9 gins in me. The gin had settled in nicely by the time the Bills second pick came around because by then it was the next day. The bartender woke me up just in time. I was seeing clearly. Denver had pulled a fast one on the Bills by trading up for Tim Tebow, who the Bills wanted. Despite having a night to discuss it, the drawl patrawl panicked and picked a guy no one have ever heard about. They did it because he had the same initials as Tim Tebow. Wow. Just wow. I just got up from the bar and went home pissed. No other reporter has picked up on this TT thing even now.

 

I forgot who they picked in the third round because my wife made me take out the garbage when they were picking and in the fourth round they took some guy who is already hurt. After that they took yet another guy with a sexual name for their OL. Weird. Later rounds don't usually matter but they did take a QB. His name is Levi Brown. He sucks but it may be the Bills were working an angle to get Brett Favre who is a major spokesman for Levi's jeans. It probably won't work but Favre is waffling on returning to the Vikings and there is extra money to be made teaming with a guy named Levi. Who knows?

 

NOTE: That was another teaser in case you hadn't picked up on it.

 

After the draft came all that mini camp crap which always amounts to nothing so I have no comment. Training camp has started and let me just say that they run it like a bunch of amateurs. There is no hard liquor for sale anywhere at that stupid college.

 

Some say the Bills look good, some say they don't, but I'm not sure. There are two reason for this. 1. No drinking means I'm sober at the practices and I don't know what the hell I'm looking at when I'm sober. 2. I have been messing with a certain virgin reporter all camp long telling him one of the Jills is into him. "See the way she is looking at you?"; ""She told me she like curly haired obnoxious dweebs.". It has been a hoot.

 

On to my predictions for the season. The Bills will win a minmum of 3 and a maximum of 10 games. I will be very surprised if they fall out of this range. I also predict a certain reporter will be arrested for stalking in about week 9 of the regular season.

 

Note: Once these predictions come true, everyone except Buftex will believe you know your stuff. Thanks for the 23 award and you're welcome for this.

[Beerball]

John,

 

Thanks for the award for 23rd post wins. I was truly humbled. Now with a little cutting and pasting you can win the Howitzer. Ditch your so called ethics for a few minutes and imagine your life as a rich superstar.

 

In case you can't follow where the article is going because it is written at such a high level, I have made notes for you. They follow the word NOTE:.

 

Erase these before you submit the article. I have put them in italics to remind you.

 

Bills look at 2010 as a time to build.......alternate title: what else is new?

 

By John Warwrwowwrw

 

If I may take a moment at the beginning of this article to introduce myself, I am John Warwrwowwrw and I am a better writer than all of of these other Bills reporters even when I am fall down drunk like I am now. I don't want to pick on the other writers but some of them who know who they are work for the Bills, some of them are just ok and allowed to stick around because they share a last name with the owner and one of them never got laid in high school, college or in fact life and has to take it out on Ralph and his team right Jerry? The dudes from the national companies and publications just crack jokes about Buffalo and act like it doesn't exist and some people want to be just like them right Jerry? Anyway, I've had chunks in my puke after an all night bender that have more talent than all of these guys put together so please pay close attention to this article.

 

NOTE: The part about writing while drunk starts the article off with an instant credibility that you are the actual author. This will help deflect any suspicion. The part about another reporter never having been laid shows some insider knowledge even if it is obvious.

 

After the 2009 season even the normally resilient Bills fans had to be feeling uneasy. They had an interim coach who seemed destined to be gone, they made overtures about getting in a big name like Cowher, Shanahan or even one rumor about Tony LaRussa changing sports of which he is smart enough to do. Fans had to know that no big name coaches would come to Buffalo. This was not just because the roster consisted of a starting QB who was a Glove Wearing Mary an a recent #1 pick who might some day be a situational pass rusher at best. Then again Maybinot. That may not be why these big names did not take the job. They may have been instructed by ESPN not to take the job because ESPN might want the Bills in LA and any big name would delay the process.

 

NOTE: The last part of the paragraph is known as a teaser. After reading this your public will want more. 2010 Howitzer CHECK. 2011 Howitzer up next. After 2012 it will be called the Warwrwowwrw.

 

The Bills organization was put in an awkward position and predictably fell into a comfort zone. New GM Buddy Nix, who despite his advanced age has not been able to rid himself of the accent that makes him sound dumb, selected someone who sounds equally dumb. It remains to be seen if these accents are fake or if these guys are really that dumb. Their first test was in the draft.

 

The Bills selected CJ Spiller from Clemson with their first pick. It was an obvious solid choice which annoyed ESPN who wants the Bills to move to LA. So far the guys with the dumb accents were looking pretty smart to me, but then again I had been in the bar watching the draft for at least two hours so I had about 9 gins in me. The gin had settled in nicely by the time the Bills second pick came around because by then it was the next day. The bartender woke me up just in time. I was seeing clearly. Denver had pulled a fast one on the Bills by trading up for Tim Tebow, who the Bills wanted. Despite having a night to discuss it, the drawl patrawl panicked and picked a guy no one have ever heard about. They did it because he had the same initials as Tim Tebow. Wow. Just wow. I just got up from the bar and went home pissed. No other reporter has picked up on this TT thing even now.

 

I forgot who they picked in the third round because my wife made me take out the garbage when they were picking and in the fourth round they took some guy who is already hurt. After that they took yet another guy with a sexual name for their OL. Weird. Later rounds don't usually matter but they did take a QB. His name is Levi Brown. He sucks but it may be the Bills were working an angle to get Brett Favre who is a major spokesman for Levi's jeans. It probably won't work but Favre is waffling on returning to the Vikings and there is extra money to be made teaming with a guy named Levi. Who knows?

 

NOTE: That was another teaser in case you hadn't picked up on it.

 

After the draft came all that mini camp crap which always amounts to nothing so I have no comment. Training camp has started and let me just say that they run it like a bunch of amateurs. There is no hard liquor for sale anywhere at that stupid college.

 

Some say the Bills look good, some say they don't, but I'm not sure. There are two reason for this. 1. No drinking means I'm sober at the practices and I don't know what the hell I'm looking at when I'm sober. 2. I have been messing with a certain virgin reporter all camp long telling him one of the Jills is into him. "See the way she is looking at you?"; ""She told me she like curly haired obnoxious dweebs.". It has been a hoot.

 

On to my predictions for the season. The Bills will win a minmum of 3 and a maximum of 10 games. I will be very surprised if they fall out of this range. I also predict a certain reporter will be arrested for stalking in about week 9 of the regular season.

 

Note: Once these predictions come true, everyone except Buftex will believe you know your stuff. Thanks for the 23 award and you're welcome for this.

I dunno boss, if Mr. Warwrwowshoski prints this it could ruin him. Sometimes you gotta hold back on the truth a bit. He may win all of the awards out there, but he'll never get another player to give him the time of day (team management/ownership too). Can't you edit this and hold a little something back? I think if he runs with this he will end up back in his native country covering women't curling.

[Delete This Account]

can't say i was waiting for this. hate to admit i actually read most of it. not sure if i was amused or perplexed, but will say that i disavow myself from it entirely.

 

thanks, crayonz, i think?

 

jw

[ieatcrayonz]

I dunno boss, if Mr. Warwrwowshoski prints this it could ruin him. Sometimes you gotta hold back on the truth a bit. He may win all of the awards out there, but he'll never get another player to give him the time of day (team management/ownership too). Can't you edit this and hold a little something back? I think if he runs with this he will end up back in his native country covering women't curling.

I just re-read that whole thing and did not see anything that would bother the players or management. Facts is facts. And what do you mean native country? Warwrwowwrw sounds polish but I didn't realize John was born there.

[DrDawkinstein]

"TT" Conspiracy!! lovin it!

[BuffaloBill]

I dunno boss, if Mr. Warwrwowshoski prints this it could ruin him. Sometimes you gotta hold back on the truth a bit. He may win all of the awards out there, but he'll never get another player to give him the time of day (team management/ownership too). Can't you edit this and hold a little something back? I think if he runs with this he will end up back in his native country covering women't curling.

 

 

Given the looks of the girl in the picture I think I might just have to run off and start covering wimmins curling myself.

[ieatcrayonz]

can't say i was waiting for this. hate to admit i actually read most of it. not sure if i was amused or perplexed, but will say that i disavow myself from it entirely.

 

thanks, crayonz, i think?

 

jw

Dude it's a free country but Howitzers don't grow on trees. Anyway, you could at least use drawl patrawl in an article or two. It won't win you a Howitzer by itself but I'm sure a big raise would be in order.