Al Qaeda bombers go on strike

[Magox]

Al Qaeda bombers go on strike

Al Qaeda suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day

strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are

entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so

far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number

of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut

by 25% this April from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was

the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a

subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

 

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational

Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was

unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike

action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members

are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We

don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a

kick in the teeth".

 

Mr. Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out

that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce

and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an

annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure

they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for

members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real

work?"

 

Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands in which he currently

resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We

sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a

position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the

realities of modern-day Jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to

Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the

afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and

laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to

tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

 

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland,

Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would

not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas

anyway".

 

Another reason for the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been

put down to the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle;

now that the Al Qaeda members know what a virgin looks like, they are

not so keen on going to paradise.

 

[CarolinaBill]

I thought for sure that was from "the onion", oh well, still pretty funny

[erynthered]

I thought for sure that was from "the onion", oh well, still pretty funny

 

 

Well. They know how to serve a dinner, unlike you.

First course) Straight TNT with a side of I dont give a ****

Second course) I own all your bases

Third Course) I'll !@#$ all your virgins

Entree) You wont know what hit you, ever, and I'm coming. Get ready.

Tip) If you dont, I'll kill you anyway.

 

Have a nice day.

[KD in CA]

[CarolinaBill]

Well. They know how to serve a dinner, unlike you.

First course) Straight TNT with a side of I dont give a ****

Second course) I own all your bases

Third Course) I'll !@#$ all your virgins

Entree) You wont know what hit you, ever, and I'm coming. Get ready.

Tip) If you dont, I'll kill you anyway.

 

Have a nice day.

what are you talkin about?

[McBeane]

what are you talkin about?

 

I'm with you... I really don't know what to say about his post..