Andy Rooney Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 ANDY ROONEY ON SEX---What I have Learned.. 1. When I was born, I was given a choice, a big dick or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..." 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. 6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly. 8. Virginity can be cured. 9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity. 10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. 11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small. 12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under. 14.. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing. 15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't. 16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes. 17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
Chandler#81 Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Very funny! In my best AR voice, I can just hear him saying these things. Good stuff!
The Dean Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Not bad. And there are actually a few I have yet to see.
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