Things I learned from watching movies

[Guffalo]

Nobody ever runs out of gas in a chase

 

No one ever has to go to the rest room except to hatch a plan or assemble a makeshift bomb, or retrieve a gun that was hidden there

 

No one ever gets a wrong phone number

 

Besides dirty bastard, no one takes a dump in a movie

 

As female actresses get older, the cameras seem to be blurry when we see them, but when a fresh actress is visible, the camera is crystal clear

[Just Jack]

Shooting anything with a fuel tank will cause an instant tremendous explosion

If you're a good guy being chased by baddies, any shot at the front of their car will cause it to flip over in dramatic fashion.

 

If you're a good guy chasing bad guys who have your partner/wife/girlfriend/child in their car, your car can survive anything and keep going.

[Pete]

that most movies are crap and I am better off reading a book

[SageAgainstTheMachine]

If you're a secret agent, everybody is allowed to shoot at you but nobody is allowed to hit you. You're allowed to shoot at all the bad guys with stellar aim, but when it comes to hitting the MAIN bad guy at close range, suddenly you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

 

The main bad guy is, on the other hand, allowed to CAPTURE you ONCE. But when he does, he isn't allowed to shoot you. He's only allowed to leave you with one of his bumbling henchmen, or another option is simply holding a gun to your temple but NEVER squeezing the trigger even as you develop a complex and risky means for escape.

[HopsGuy]

When the chief of police tells you that you need a bigger boat, don't overreact and destroy the radio.

[Steely Dan]

Super Villians may be able to come up with the most intricate fool proof plans to take over the world. But they are really really bad at managing their own internal security. And even if the do manage to catch an intruder, their diabolical plans to deal with them are nowhere near as efficient as a bullet to the base of the skull

 

Also, make sure to tell the hero about your evil plan in intricate detail before your idiotic diabolical plan to deal with them is put in motion.

 

Still bitter over the stalking charges, I see.

 

Geez, ya get five restraining orders and somehow you get branded for life.

 

 

Tires squeal on dirt roads.

Handguns are accurate at all ranges.

People on the run in ragged clothing with no money or credit cards are welcomed at any hotel or inn in the wee hours, and are brought big plates of food.

The roads are always slightly wet on city streets at night.

Cell phones never run out of power, and always connect.

The protagonists have driving abilities equal to Formula 1 champions.

...but communists and Latin American revolutionaries are the world's worst drivers.

If you sit down at an outside cafe on a sunny day, a beautiful woman will soon join you - especially in Europe.

Homeless bums can quote Shelley, Keats, Voltaire, and so on.

In-depth conversations take place while walking at a fast pace while eating street vendor food.

If questioned by a detective, you can just go on about your business while you talk.

 

 

I never noticed the wet roads at night but you're right.

[Wooderson]

Breaking into and hotwiring a car is as easy as 1, 2, 3....and so is hacking into FBI and government files from a PC.

 

The good guys are always one step too late, until the end of the film where they appear right at the possible last second to save the world.

 

Cars that crash always explode instantly.

 

If you are surrounded by 10 bad guys, don't worry they'll all attack you one by one, never all at once.

 

Let's put the captured good guy/guys in a really intricate death trap, with nobody watching.

 

During car chase scenes, there's always a fruit cart in the way.

[KD in CA]

Pee Wee meant to do that.

[Jim in Anchorage]

Shooting someone with a .45 causes no blood loss, or any visible wounds. They simply die instantly. Unless they have a death bed secret-that buys you 30 seconds.

[KD in CA]

During car chase scenes, there's always a fruit cart in the way.

And a store with a huge plate glass window.

 

Also, no matter how many other cars, brick walls, fruit stands or stores with huge plate glass windows you crash into during the chase, the car will never, ever stall.

[Justice]

Fun topic!

 

 

When being chased by a killer the victim will definitely fall down.

The nice guy always steals a girl away from a jerk, that everyone can see is a jerk, but said girlfriend, until the end of the movie.

Ugly girls are actually beautiful, when they want to be.

[DrFishfinder]

The Phoebe Cates pool scene from FTARH is still, hands down, the ALL TIME best.

[KD in CA]

Aging cops are invariably killed by the bad guy less than a week before their retirement starts.

[Tortured Soul]

If you're a secret agent, everybody is allowed to shoot at you but nobody is allowed to hit you. You're allowed to shoot at all the bad guys with stellar aim, but when it comes to hitting the MAIN bad guy at close range, suddenly you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

 

The main bad guy is, on the other hand, allowed to CAPTURE you ONCE. But when he does, he isn't allowed to shoot you. He's only allowed to leave you with one of his bumbling henchmen, or another option is simply holding a gun to your temple but NEVER squeezing the trigger even as you develop a complex and risky means for escape.

Adding to this...

 

When you're a secret agent in need of a disguise and you knock out someone with one blow, that person's clothes will invariably fit you, even if you're a 6'4 Scotsman in Japan.

[\GoBillsInDallas/]

If an actor is over 40 and plays a single character, women in their 20's are attracted to him.

 

If an actor is over 40 and plays a married character, his wife must be in her mid-thirties and have children aged 4 to 15. Her age stays the same regardless of the age of the male character. Examples: 64-year-old Harrison Ford with a 5-year-old son in "Firewall" and 58-year-old Robin Williams with a 35-year-old wife in "RV".

 

If a female actor is over 40, she can wear tight, revealing clothing and none of the male characters will laugh at her like they would in real life (ex. Sandra Bullock and Demi Moore).

[\GoBillsInDallas/]

The "bed hair" and "bed makeup" rules:

 

When actors roll out of bed, their hair is perfectly coiffed. When female acors roll out of bed, they are already wearing full makeup.

[thebug]

Chicks love facials.

[Just Jack]

The boss/company owner is clueless about how to run the business and are slowly running it into the ground. If you're the boss/company owner, your employees are a bunch of screw ups that don't know crap about how the company runs.

 

When sending a team on a dangerous mission where people can die, always include a black man so he can die first, and the white man can survive to save the day.

[Canadian Bills Fan]

1. That if your broke or homeless...you will end up rich

2. *69 does not exist in horror movies

[Canadian Bills Fan]

When your confronted by a murderer with a gun..they never shoot you right away all you have to do is ask why they want to kill you and that will buy you an extra 5 minutes