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Things I learned from watching movies


Just Jack

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I've learned that in the movies all cd drives can read cd's even when inserted upside down. Also every actor and actress gets their thirst satiated by empty cups. I don't know why they don't drink water to at least simulate real gulps. When an actor places their *full* cup of coffee on a counter it always has the clang of an empty cup. They weild their cups as if they're empty too. Come on actors at least try and fake it. Just a few little things I've noticed.

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Safety glass does not exist. People can run through, or be thrown through, plate glass windows or car windows with the greatest of ease.

 

Good guys go through windows without any scratches. Bad guys go through windows and get bloodied.

 

Tinted windows and sun glare do not exist. Anyone can be outside and look through a window, even with binoculars, and get a perfect view of what's inside.

 

When people are being watched in buildings by people who are outside, all of the people inside will stay on one side of the building, which will allow them to be continuously watched. People never go into hallways or rooms on the other side of the building which would put them out of the line of sight. In addition, all rooms (including bathrooms) have large windows which allow the characters to be seen at all times.

 

People who travel in planes have either no luggage or only a small carry-on bag, which will magically contain numerous pieces of unwrinkled clothing which are worn in subsequent scenes.

 

Everyone drives brand-new cars or classic cars.

 

 

All cars have monster-sized engines and souped-up suspension systems, which allow them to drive faster than anyone else, including becoming airborne on hilly roads.

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Courtroom judges are women, or African-American, or both. Judges are never white males unless they are biased or part of the "government conspiracy".

 

Courtroom trials take place almost instantaneuosly after any arrest. They never take place months later and are never subject to rescheduling.

 

Even the smallest crimes, such as traffic tickets or DUIs, require a full courtroom trial with no one else in the courtroom except for the plaintiffs, defendants and their relatives.

 

Legal paperwork does not exist.

 

All courtrooms are monster-sized and contain expensive woden furniture.

you wouldnt respect a neon pink and cheap looking courtroom would ya?

 

90% of women -- even if they live in trailor parks -- are total hotties. The other 10% are nasty, 300+ pound shrews.

nothing wrong with that!

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Because after 27 takes, you really have to take a piss, but can't leave the set while the director sets up take 28...

 

lol ok that does make sense. They can still have water in the cups for realism but not take actual sips.

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Cars that chase people who are running never drive fast enough to catch the running person after 2 seconds - instead, it takes upwards of 30 seconds to catch them.

 

Corollary 1: People who chase cars on foot can keep up and even overtake the cars.

 

Corollary 2: People who ride bicycles can either catch cars or get away from cars (if being chased).

 

People who are chased by cars always run in a straight line away from the car. They never zig-zag or turn perpendicular.

 

Bad guys drive cars with no license plates and with dark tinted windows, yet they are never pulled over by the police for the plates/windows violations.

 

People who drive can have conversations with their passengers, even looking at them for 15 seconds or more, and never crash their car.

 

Alleyways behind buildings are as wide as urban boulevards, and do not contain dumpsters or delivery trucks.

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All high school students are 25. They dress in very fashionable clothing and drive very nice new cars. They are extremely attractive and have absolutely no acne. Even the girls considered average are about an 8. When they go home their parents are hot, probably because they are in their early 30s. In the movies hot chicks have hot moms only 6 years older than them.

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