Things I learned from watching movies

[Kevin]

-When the world is taken over by flesh eating zombies go to the nearest mall and you will be safe.

-You are not dead until you lose your bowels.

-If your last name is Simpson you will never age.

-If you are buried alive in a wooden casket you can punch your way out and dig through the six feet of dirt that was thrown on top of you and get revenge on your enemy.

-The Five Finger Death Punch works.

-You can easily will your paralyzed limbs to move while laying in the back seat of a truck.

-Young, hot, college girls will do ANYTHING to pay for their books.

-It is easy to drive a limousine through a collapsing building and suffer no damage.

-You can also fly a plane under two collapsing sky scrapers and survive.

-There are several Arks being built in China as we speak.

-An Army Demolitions Officer is also an experienced Sniper, and his Sargeant is an experienced spotter.

-The Russians will invade Colorado.

[Justice]

In horror movies, the guy with the gun will unload a whole clip on the bad guy and even though he inflicts no harm at all he still thinks it's a good idea to throw the gun at said bad guy.

 

Cars never start on the first try when you need to jam.

[Just Jack]

If the person you love is about to get on a plane, and you want to tell them how you feel, all the passengers at the security checkpoints will smile and let you cut the line, security won't bother having you empty your pockets, and they will let you through without a boarding pass.

[Mark Vader]

Kids are always smarter than their dimwit parents.

Except when it comes to having sex.

[Mark Vader]

That 2 metre wide exhaust port that leads to the battle stations main reactor may have seemed like a good idea at the time...

"Do'nt be to proud of this technological terror you've constructed".

[/dev/null]

"Do'nt be to proud of this technological terror you've constructed".

I find your lack of faith disturbing

[Cugalabanza]

Door locked? No problem—just give it a kick.

 

Airplane interiors are spacious and comfortable.

 

If you get stabbed or impaled with something, make sure to pull it out right away. That’s how you heal the wound. Plus, it will keep hurting if you don’t.

 

If you are driving and collide with a parked car, you don’t just smash into it... one side of your car mysteriously elevates so that you flip over sideways.

 

Caring about proper police procedure is for squares!

 

Every human being has a spot on the back of his/her head which, when tapped, will immediately result in 5 minutes of deep sleep.

 

Attention sexy teenage camp counselors: keep your shirt on if you want to live.

 

John Cusack can make it rain simply by walking outside and having a sad thought.

 

If you feel outmatched by sinister supernatural forces, just check out your local library’s occult section and get some handy spells of your own, dummy.

 

Nihilists are dangerous and unpredictable because they care about nothing. However, in the end, it is possible to overcome them, because they care about nothing.

[Cugalabanza]

* All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

[CountDorkula]

If aliens do attack a giant heard of cows is going to be lit on fire and run wildly down the street.

 

 

To kill said aliens, use grandmothers terrible music to explode their heads....

[DC Tom]

-The Five Finger Death Punch works.

 

"Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique".

[DC Tom]

You can win a Medal of Honor by firing a water-cooled .30-cal machine gun from the hip...

 

(Courtesy of last night's ridiculousness in "The Pacific". )

[stuckincincy]

.

If you get stabbed or impaled with something, make sure to pull it out right away. That’s how you heal the wound. Plus, it will keep hurting if you don’t.

 

 

And with such grave wounds, you can maintain all clarity, and travel great distancesand spans of time without a wince of pain. You almost never need medical attention, and never suffer infection.

[DC Tom]

And with such grave wounds, you can maintain all clarity, and travel great distancesand spans of time without a wince of pain. You almost never need medical attention, and never suffer infection.

 

With absolutely no impairment to speaking.

[stuckincincy]

With absolutely no impairment to speaking.

 

 

That's right - chest or back wounds have no effect.

 

Tendons, ligatures, and nerves are never cut, too, because all knife attackers seemingly have a deep knowledge of anatomy and take especial care.

[DC Tom]

Tendons, ligatures, and nerves are never cut, too, because all knife attackers seemingly have a deep knowledge of anatomy and take especial care.

 

And arteries. All wounds miss all blood vessels.

 

And all shots to the shoulder are just flesh wounds. Scapulae and clavicles are completely bulletproof.

[stuckincincy]

And arteries. All wounds miss all blood vessels.

 

And all shots to the shoulder are just flesh wounds. Scapulae and clavicles are completely bulletproof.

 

That's right. Movie bone >>> Kevlar, composite vehicle armor, steels, etc.

 

No bad guys use hollowpoint, fragmenting rounds.

 

Semi-auto firearms never jam. Silencers can be affixed to revolvers. The gap between the cylinder and the barrel doesn't make a peep.

[KD in CA]

And arteries. All wounds miss all blood vessels.

 

And if by chance they do hit a major artery and kill the protagonist, he will not lapse into a state of unconsciousness while bleeding to dead. Instead he will remain completely lucid and able to give eloquent final instructions/advice/predictions and then seconds later be dead as a doornail.

[dib]

You can win a Medal of Honor by firing a water-cooled .30-cal machine gun from the hip...

 

(Courtesy of last night's ridiculousness in "The Pacific". )

Well, Basilone and one other Marine did continue to fight for three days. Basilone had two machine guns, one which he had to repair during the course of the fight. .30cal air cooled machine guns have been fired from the hip, albeit with cloth or some other insulating material wrapped around the barrel

[DC Tom]

Well, Basilone and one other Marine did continue to fight for three days. Basilone had two machine guns, one which he had to repair during the course of the fight. .30cal air cooled machine guns have been fired from the hip, albeit with cloth or some other insulating material wrapped around the barrel

 

Yeah, I know Basilone's story. Have for about 20 years. And last night, whatever that was, that wasn't it.

 

The good news is that this is probably the last you'll hear me complain about that series, since at that point I had to turn it off. A guy running around firing a machine gun from the hip is exactly the John Wayne-type movie stupidity that the Marines on Guadalcanal laughed at.

[dib]

On Iwo Jima Tony Stein crerated a weapon he called the 'Stinger'. It was made from a .30 cal machine gun taken from a downed navy fighter (actually 6 were made). It was designed to be fired from the hip, or braced against a shoulder in the prone position. Unfortunately Stein was killed on Iwo.