BLZFAN4LIFE Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 No doubt! I would have called Enterprise to come drop me off a car ASAP. What did you end up doing for a ride? Kinda sucks because you were right there at the airport. I actually used my Mom's Cherokee. On one hand it was a little strange and sad, on the other hand I felt kind of close to her.
NCDAWG Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 You cut your mother out of your life because she yelled at someone once while she was mourning the death of her spouse? WTF. Relationships are a two way street folks. It was 2 years after my father had passed. You don't snap on kids. Period.
Fezmid Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 It was 2 years after my father had passed. You don't snap on kids. Period. That's rather narrow minded to say without knowing the entire situation... (ie: things going on in her life, your daughter's life, etc, etc, etc). People have bad days; that's no reason to write them off for life, if this was an isolated incident.
Fezmid Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I get along with my in-laws fine -- but they do live 300 miles away, which helps. I'm sure my wife feels the same way about my parents, and they live 900+ miles away. Family does some crappy stuff from time to time -- but life's too short to dwell on it, unless they're evil, vindictive people. A few transgressions is part of being human, IMHO.
ExiledInIllinois Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 It was 2 years after my father had passed. You don't snap on kids. Period. What made her snap? Did she ever tell you? Of course not, you are not talking to her. Sorry for being hard on you... Just saying. I don't condone snapping on children, but really... I think children now should have thicker skin. How are they ever gonna deal with adversity later in life.
BuffaloBill Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I got along great with my in-laws, until a family matter came up and they obviously sided with their daughter. I still get along with them but I don't trust them anymore like I used to. I learned their commitment to me is conditional. PTR I believe this will always be the case but as the spouse you have to try not to get sideways with it - perhaps easily said but not so easy to do. Your spouse has to help with this.
Chandler#81 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I get along great with my in laws, but we just had our first child and this is her first grand child and I can kind of see us butting heads on some issues. By the way Bills Fans there is another BUFFALO BILLS supporter in the world. My wife and I welcomed a beautiful baby girl on 1/14. All are well. Sorry OP didn't mean to hijack your thread. Continue the Family bashing. Congratulations!! Please encourage her to follow the CFL..
NCDAWG Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 What made her snap? Did she ever tell you? Of course not, you are not talking to her. Sorry for being hard on you... Just saying. I don't condone snapping on children, but really... I think children now should have thicker skin. How are they ever gonna deal with adversity later in life. No worries. It is more complicated than I can convey. But my 37 year sister moved in with her after my dad's passing and is mooching off my 75 year old mother. I voiced my displeasure once, and let it go. She was mad at that. So why take it out on the closest thing around? My daughter is in no way super sensitive or thin-skinned. Up until this incedent, I mowed her lawn every week, took her out to dinner and made sure she had quality family time. Once the mooch moved in, it all became about her. I dont agree with it, but accepted it. If I had accepted that situation, it would of shown my daughter it is Ok for people to treat you that way.
ExiledInIllinois Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 No worries. It is more complicated than I can convey. But my 37 year sister moved in with her after my dad's passing and is mooching off my 75 year old mother. I voiced my displeasure once, and let it go. She was mad at that. So why take it out on the closest thing around? My daughter is in no way super sensitive or thin-skinned. Up until this incedent, I mowed her lawn every week, took her out to dinner and made sure she had quality family time. Once the mooch moved in, it all became about her. I dont agree with it, but accepted it. If I had accepted that situation, it would of shown my daughter it is Ok for people to treat you that way. You think you got it rough. At least you aren't duking it out with your sib! There is an older lady down the street from me and she has two older sons (in their 40's)... I don't really know them, but it seemed they always would come over and help out. One time I was driving by and had to make a double-take... There the guys were on the front lawn literally beating the crap out of one another... My wife was mortified... I was ready to crack up laughing but the children were in the car...
NCDAWG Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 You think you got it rough. At least you aren't duking it out with your sib! There is an older lady down the street from me and she has two older sons (in their 40's)... I don't really know them, but it seemed they always would come over and help out. One time I was driving by and had to make a double-take... There the guys were on the front lawn literally beating the crap out of one another... My wife was mortified... I was ready to crack up laughing but the children were in the car... Glad you don't run a suicide hotline. LOL. I don't think I have it rough. I just started a post to see what experiences others have had with similar situations. I hear what you are saying, and the bottom line is that this last act was an act in a long line of transgressions. You can't fix crazy.
Corp000085 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I get along great with my in laws, but we just had our first child and this is her first grand child and I can kind of see us butting heads on some issues. By the way Bills Fans there is another BUFFALO BILLS supporter in the world. My wife and I welcomed a beautiful baby girl on 1/14. All are well. Sorry OP didn't mean to hijack your thread. Continue the Family bashing. Congrats. As the father of a 5 month old, listen to some of my advice. Give the MIL some rope. She'll want to help out and whatnot because your kid is the child of her daughter. Suck it up and go with it. If she oversteps her bounds, and you'll know when that happens, just remember that you're the father of the child and you have the authority to veto any decision the MIL makes. If she's reasonable, you'll never have to get to this point, but you always have veto options. Use your spouse as a mouthpiece for you. Good communication with your wife will lead to her communicating your needs to her mother. The key here is you have to be reasonable, MIL has to be totally unreasonable, and you have to communicate these feelings to your wife for this to work effectively. I've had a good relationship with my MIL since the birth of my son. I had similar feelings as you have expressed, but it all works out. If everyone is reasonable and level headed, there will never, ever be a hint of a problem.
ExiledInIllinois Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Glad you don't run a suicide hotline. LOL. I don't think I have it rough. I just started a post to see what experiences others have had with similar situations. I hear what you are saying, and the bottom line is that this last act was an act in a long line of transgressions. You can't fix crazy. I understand... I was just joking, don't take it any other way... There is so much craziness out there, it makes one's head spin!
DrDawkinstein Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I understand... I was just joking, don't take it any other way... There is so much craziness out there, it makes one's head spin! FAMILY!! gotta love em!! since im not married yet, i dont have any In-Law stories really. and i've been lucky enough that my gfs' parents always end up loving me. but no matter how well we get along (and my current gf's father likes me more than anyone in his actual family, no lie) i would ALWAYS assume they would take her side on anything. when it's all said and done, even if we were married, she is still their daughter and im still an in-law. marriages can end in divorce, but they will always be family, and i will always keep that in mind. and i dont hold that against them in any way. my parents will always want to have my back when it comes down to it.
tennesseeboy Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 It was 2 years after my father had passed. You don't snap on kids. Period. Geez you gotta be a freakin saint. Raised two pretty normal kids but they sure as heck caused an occassional snap here and there. And actually, not being perfect myself I probably inflicted an untoward snap fromtime to time myself. Hardly worth not talking to someone.
PromoTheRobot Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I believe this will always be the case but as the spouse you have to try not to get sideways with it - perhaps easily said but not so easy to do. Your spouse has to help with this. Oh I'm fine with them now. I'm just saying now I know they don't have my back like I thought they did. I'm not losing sleep over it. PTR
Assquatch Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I got along great with my in-laws, until a family matter came up and they obviously sided with their daughter. I still get along with them but I don't trust them anymore like I used to. I learned their commitment to me is conditional. PTR You had to "learn" that they would take their daughter's side of some sort of disagreement over yours, and because of that you don't trust them?
BUFFALOTONE Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Congrats. As the father of a 5 month old, listen to some of my advice. Give the MIL some rope. She'll want to help out and whatnot because your kid is the child of her daughter. Suck it up and go with it. If she oversteps her bounds, and you'll know when that happens, just remember that you're the father of the child and you have the authority to veto any decision the MIL makes. If she's reasonable, you'll never have to get to this point, but you always have veto options. Use your spouse as a mouthpiece for you. Good communication with your wife will lead to her communicating your needs to her mother. The key here is you have to be reasonable, MIL has to be totally unreasonable, and you have to communicate these feelings to your wife for this to work effectively. I've had a good relationship with my MIL since the birth of my son. I had similar feelings as you have expressed, but it all works out. If everyone is reasonable and level headed, there will never, ever be a hint of a problem. Its more of them stopping in and her needing to rest. They do mean well and are great people who I love dearly but my wife had a C-section and wasn't sleeping as much as she should have been. You know the normal excitement and what not. So when they would come over I would tell her to sleep and to stop worrying about entertaining. A few other family members came in town for the berth and were big helps but also wanted their time with everyone which I understand. But everything is calm now and the visitations from all involved have slowed. Everyone calls now before they come over which is helpful. Especially if my wife is just ready to pass out and then her friends are knocking at the door.
Jerry Christ Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I keep my MIL in check, and I live in walking distance from my IN-laws. My FIL is cool, really is a laid back guy and enjoys when I poke at my MIL, I think its because I can do it and don't really get anything back from it and he knows he really can't too much because he lives with her hah You just gotta keep her in check but give her, her time to be the annoying person as well......its life
Jerry Christ Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Its more of them stopping in and her needing to rest. They do mean well and are great people who I love dearly but my wife had a C-section and wasn't sleeping as much as she should have been. You know the normal excitement and what not. So when they would come over I would tell her to sleep and to stop worrying about entertaining. A few other family members came in town for the berth and were big helps but also wanted their time with everyone which I understand. But everything is calm now and the visitations from all involved have slowed. Everyone calls now before they come over which is helpful. Especially if my wife is just ready to pass out and then her friends are knocking at the door. Ah yes, that is when I'll need my In-laws the most, is with a kid. I just have to make sure the MIL doesn't influence the kid in anyway lol
ExiledInIllinois Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Ah yes, that is when I'll need my In-laws the most, is with a kid. I just have to make sure the MIL doesn't influence the kid in anyway lol I am always amazed by how much people lean on their family... Maybe it is because the closest family that we have is over 500 miles away and we have two children (7 and 11)... Both of us also work 40+ hours a week (I do admit being blessed with 2 great jobs) before and after our children were born and continue to do that. Sometimes I wonder how the hell we did it... It is basically just us four as a family. Maybe that is why we don't have problems with the in-laws... Sure we talk every 3 or 4 weeks (with the in-laws)... It's just that they can't meddle... Yet, they probably wouldn't. Sometimes I think the more crutches that are given, the more headaches and problems there are.
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