Just Jack Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 From The Onion Nation's Fast Food Patrons No Longer Trusted To Dispense Own Ketchup WASHINGTON—In an effort to cut condiment expenses and address the gluttony, waste, and utter lack of self-restraint exhibited by Americans, officials from the fast food industry announced Monday a new policy prohibiting all customers from dispensing their own ketchup. "We thought our patrons were responsible enough to handle a self-service ketchup pump," said McDonald's CEO James A. Skinner, who claimed that fast food industry leaders were partially to blame for overestimating the maturity of the American public. "However, after watching the way you disgusting people behave when entrusted with a little independence, it's clear that we made a terrible mistake." ... "This is outrageous," said Tennessee resident Sheila Hodge, a longtime fast food consumer. "If I want to gorge myself on so much ketchup that I need to vomit, then that should be my God-given right. This is McDonald's we're talking about. Half the reason I come here in the first place is so I can behave like a total animal." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 http://www.theonion.com/content/news/patri...lts_at_halftime Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 From The Onion Nation's Fast Food Patrons No Longer Trusted To Dispense Own Ketchup WASHINGTON—In an effort to cut condiment expenses and address the gluttony, waste, and utter lack of self-restraint exhibited by Americans, officials from the fast food industry announced Monday a new policy prohibiting all customers from dispensing their own ketchup. "We thought our patrons were responsible enough to handle a self-service ketchup pump," said McDonald's CEO James A. Skinner, who claimed that fast food industry leaders were partially to blame for overestimating the maturity of the American public. "However, after watching the way you disgusting people behave when entrusted with a little independence, it's clear that we made a terrible mistake." ... "This is outrageous," said Tennessee resident Sheila Hodge, a longtime fast food consumer. "If I want to gorge myself on so much ketchup that I need to vomit, then that should be my God-given right. This is McDonald's we're talking about. Half the reason I come here in the first place is so I can behave like a total animal." At the beginning of the article I thought it was real because people are really stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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