A drunk in a bar throws up on his shirt. He's upset that his wife will know he's been drinking again. The bartender says he has a good excuse. He tells the drunk to put a $20 bill in his pocket, and when she asks about the shirt, tell her someone threw up on him and gave him $20 to get it cleaned. So he goes home, and the wife asks what happened to his shirt. He explains what happened like the bartender said, and then pulls out $40. The wife says, "But you said he gave you $20 for the shirt, why do you have $40?". The drunk replies, "He sh*t in my pants too!".