DC Tom

If that's boggling your mind, ask yourself how the Browns got three prime-time games in their first five, and the Bills don't get one all year.

I'd actually be okay with this, as I have no doubt he knows the rules better than the refs.

What? No one is saying that.

Not completely. I mean, they didn't have their first-round pick ejected on the second play of the game for throwing a punch. He earned it. How's that hold-out looking now?

Great nausea-inducing skycam work, guys.

Ah, thank God. The sweet, sweet release of commercial breaks.

"There is no foul, as the defender was blocked in to the quarterback...excuse me, the kicker." That's how focused they are on Brady. There's your explicit evidence that the officials give Brady extra consideration.

Tom Brady checks down. Booger Mc*****sstick: "That's so smart by Tom Brady." Me: "Shut the ***** up." Booger: "The end zone is really the twelfth defender." Me: "Shut the ***** up you ***** potato!!!!"

Alright, for as much ***** as I give this broadcast team, Tessitore coincidentally saying "It's a head-scratcher" as Darnold is scratching his head is goddamned brilliant production value.

No. I think she'd be upset if I were laughing uncontrollably.

Did I miss anything?

Best part was she was just out of a hot bath, and was wearing a tantalizingly short night shirt... ...wait a minute, what the ***** am I still doing here? Be right back...

If Howard Cosell were alive today, he'd kill himself just to roll over in his grave at this pitiful broadcast. I'm toying with the idea of calling in a bomb threat to the booth. I don't think I'll be convicted; I think most of America would recognize it for the merciful gesture it would be.

It's against the rules. Literally.

This game has literally no redeeming qualities. It features two teams I loathe, one with a DC who is one of the worst people to grace a football field, who is actually surpassed by the cheating HC on the other side. It features an officiating team led by a ref who is generationally incompetent and stupid. The broadcast team should be sealed in a barrel and dumped in the ocean. Okay...one redeeming quality. My wife just walked in, asked me who's playing, and said "Brady again? Can't someone just kneecap him? I'm so sick of him." I love my wife.

Booger Mc*****stick doesn't even recognize there's another team on the field against the Pats, does he?

The flag was...on the Jets, not the Patriots? Shocking...

Hell is Booger McFarland telestrating a Patriots crossing route.

Let's go, giant flaming meteor of death!

Where's @Jimmy Spagnola been recently?

Probably President Cruz's reelection.

Is it possible for an entire paper to collectively have a stroke?

Can't say I blame him. I wouldn't mind stripping her myself.

Dylan is a great songwriter. He is not a good singer.

How do you know your reporting is propagandizing bull####? Pentagon draws up plans for quick Afghanistan withdrawal in case Trump blindsides military When you classify orders from the Commander-in-Chief as "blindsiding the military."