DC Tom

Gee, want a hint?

They don't need to. They just walk underwater. Source: Dr. Roy Hinckley and Mr William Gilligan.

It looks like an honest error on his part. Stupid mistake, but honest. Someone tell me again pot is harmless.

...the *****? She had the FBI investigate her political opponents.

So I'm at the orthopedist for a follow-up on my torn hamstring. Naturally, I wore shorts despite it being 45 degrees out. Walking in to the building, random stranger comments: "You're wearing shorts? That's stupid." Me: "You're trying to push open a door labelled 'PULL'." Sometimes the best way to say "You're an idiot" is to not say it at all.

I wonder why no one ever investigates the Congressional sex club in rural Pennsylvania?

"Trump lied when he tweeted about his impeachment hearings."

Nickels are better. You guys are idiots, you know that? I have to explain to you how to properly beat me over the head?

I'm always careful to itemize my bribes on my 1040.

Certainly sounds like a successful impeachment. I pity you.

It was even funnier because it was in response to him trying to fire me. I should clarify: he's the program manager on my project, and my day-to-day boss, but he's from a different company than me. Let's just call him ######o Montalban. He called my corporate boss - who, through some byzantine shell company organization, is also his boss on the project - telling my boss that today was my last day. My boss called me laughing, asking me what the hell was going on...which I had little idea. (I mean, aside from ######o Montalban committing payroll fraud, and having multiple complaints of sexual and racial harassment against him, and me talking to an attorney about it today.) It was then that I told ######o Montalban that you never go full "Tugg Speedman as Simple Jack." He didn't know who it was, but he knew it wasn't good. EDIT: I should clarify that this is two weeks after I've already given them my resignation from the project.

We should demand his tax returns.

Contract killers ain't cheap.

If I recall, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Liu grossed a quarter-billion worldwide with a Charlie's Angels movie.

What are the odds it's backed by Soros? (Hint: 100%. Also backed by the Clintons. I suspect there's an Epstein - who by they way, didn't kill himself - connection.)

What's even better is that shitload isn't censored, but typing something like sh!tload is an attempt to get around the profanity filter, and is technically grounds for being banned, even though it's not filtered. And I'll give Blazing Saddles credit for Alex Karras punching a horse...but that's it.

Working in a government office, we're of course not particularly allowed to say that people have gone "full re-tard." But it was no less satisfying to tell my boss today that he went full "Tugg Speedman as Simple Jack."

They're not. Yeah, I'll say it: Blazing Saddles is a stupid, deeply unfunny movie.

He looks like the love-child of Michael Weatherly and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Why is this a thing? Who ***** cares?

Oh good Lord... This is Obama's fault. By pardoning Manning as a "whistleblower," he made it acceptable to mishandle material information in the name of "transparency."

Did he really say that?

Same form of circular reporting that justified the invasion of Iraq.

You're an idiot.

It took me some 10 years to get there just typing "You're an idiot." So I don't want to hear anyone complaining about my post count again.