smokinandjokin

Don't you hate waiting? Don't you hate when your plane crashes? I DO!!!

Um...duh...yeah...crime...Iraq....insurgent...flam....flim....flum... That big-titted broad in your avatar is !@#$ing me with her eyes!

I'm okay with it, because it also allows me to say that the Leafs have ZERO Stanley Cups!!! Champions only when it was a six-team league...What a joke! It's harder to win the title in my softball league!

Spencer's Gifts always has some good stuff. Perhaps if this person will be employed in a position that requires they give presentations, the X-rated Laser Pointer would be a good buy. It's a typical laser pointer that comes equipped with caps that will project some interesting messages...

Colston was a HUGE part of the Saints offense this year, and he was a shot-in-the-dark as a 7th rounder.

-One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. -Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games. -If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. -I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. -The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw. -Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. -If you're a young Mafia gangster out on a first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you. -We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town. -I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh. -Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like. -If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." -Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done. -If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. -Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. -To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. -I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. -Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. -I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come. Eddie Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff. Roger Dorn: sh--, Harris. Pedro Cerrano: Heyzus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball. Eddie Harris: You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

How about Ron Zook? He recruited all of the talent for Florida's national championship, and now has a top-20 class coming in to Illinois. He did the right thing, locking down the talent in Chicago-metro, which traditionally had been raided by the other Big Ten schools, Michigan in particular. After a poor season on the field, for Zook to be able to recruit a top-20 class to the football anti-hotbed of Champaign is very impressive. He must have the gift of the gab....

I will admit it, I did dump in a men's room at Ralph Wilson Stadium a few years back. Tunnel end, visitors sideline corner, on the lower level. It was probably around the 3rd quarter and it was not pleasant. I was definitely doing the drunk hover to avoid contact with the seat. As you can imagine, if you are dumping at a Bills game, it is an urgent situation. Well, it was a winter game and I had about 41 layers to take off before I could get down to business. I started disrobing while I was waiting in line for the stall so that the explosion could start ASAP when I finally got in there. The Carhartt jumpsuit was damn near around my ankles by the time I got to the front of the line!

Hey now, don't go associating that Niagara County riff-raff with Buffalo!!!

Typical lazy news media. Sure, they report the illegal drugs. But they leave out the stacks upon stacks of Particle Physics texts, the highlighted copies of Dostoevsky and Kafka, and Anna's countless hand-written notebooks of experiments and inventions. Truly tragic.

Very cool. Another from the NASA archives

Paul Newman

Where'd we pull this info from? And please don't cite some blog, or a UCLA message board. I would place WR as a need, but there are many other needs that top WR. I just don't understand where you get this about Jarrett. If he's a primadonna and selfish, he's the first I've ever seen who consistently goes high over the middle and comes down with the ball. There are some negatives surrounding him, like a lack of top-end speed. But as a close follower of USC, I've never heard of Jarrett criticized as a selfish player, or a detriment to the team. He's a big time WR and we all know they typically come with some baggage. Evans is the exception to the rule. I realize this is only a message board, but it's not healthy to simply make schit up.

In this thread where people are patting themselves on the back for their civil debating, and blaming others for bringing hostility into it, how come nobody has addressed my issues that I posted five pages ago??? ^^^^^^^^^^^ Did we ever determine what is wrong with paying $0.99 per song? And those of you complaining that you have to download because albums aren't what they used to be: Isn't song downloading ruining the idea of a complete album and forcing bands to look for that one "ringtone" hit???

Valentine's Day is coming.... I might have to infringe some panties from Victoria's Secret. Not sure what to get HER, though....

Is there a statute in the BOTD Code of Conduct requiring that the BOTD actually be alive? Seems like a nice time to post some racey pictures of a young Anna. No? Too soon? My only regret is that my grandson will never get to marry an 86-year old Anna and get some of that oil money, only to give most of it away in his old age when he marries a young stripper. Ah yes, the circle of life is a beautiful thing.

This all seems way overblown. I was a pirate at a Halloween party last year, and I didn't pick up on any anti-pirating vibe. I kept using this line on my girlfriend that I saw on a pirate t-shirt: "Aaaaarrrrrggggghh........You free Saturday night?" She was less than amused.

"You did, didn't you?...You motorboatin son of a B word, you!"

"Sleeveless Shirts and the Cha-Cha: Not Just for Fags Anymore" by Emmitt Smith

You remember, mead! You were passed out on the next table over, but I refrained from posting that pic...

The Trojans continue to get it done with the same modus operandi that has been their hallmark since Pete Carroll took over: Lock down 100% of the talent in California, and then take stabs at the best at their position from throughout the rest of the country. Carroll himself continues to take the reigns in all recruiting, instead of passing the job off to an assistant or 'recruiting coordinator.' The old saying was that a pro coach struggled in college because of the toll that recruiting takes on time, energy, travel, etc. But so far, Carroll has said he loves it. And with the talent he's bringing in, it's got to be hard not to love it. He also plays his best 11 and says that every day in practice, your job is on the line. Blue-chip high schoolers are not used to sitting out, and they want to know that if they go in and perform, they will be on the field. Carroll promises that they will get that chance. I know there are plenty of other schools that present that opportunity, but there are also plenty who don't (or at least didn't until recently.)

I heard a standup comedian come up with this bit last year: "As some of you may know, 7-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong recently wrote a book, titled 'It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life.' Yes, that's true. It's not about the bike. In a related story, Lance's bike has also recently written a book, titled '!@#$ You, Lance.'"

"Winning's Not Everything.....In Fact, It's Not Anything!" by Anna Kournikova

"Turn Your Head and Cough" by Amelie Mauresmo