Paris Hilton's Sidekick

Since you're the author of the browser, I can't help but wonder: was it programmed to allow for sudden and unexpected mood swings?

Did you ever stop to think that maybe the NFL and Bills just likes to specifically piss YOU off?

Good idea. But first, let's raise taxes to pay for the creation of a committee to conduct a feasibility study on what it would cost to pay him overtime based on the average number of posts per person.

I miss the old days when King Crab would still give advice on Fridays. But ever since he joined that Local Free Advice Union #669, his overtime restrictions have been pretty tight.

Some people think you're the reason Artest went nutso. They go so far as to suggest that Artest is a victim. The way I see it, if Artest can be a victim, surely you can be a victim, too! Come to think of it...I don't believe Mr. Alaska ever answered this question. I still maintain I'm the biggest victim of the three of us.

Who do you think is the bigger victim: me, the Wendy's Chili or the Plastic Cup?

There's probably less risk eating either one of us than there is eating Paris Hilton.

And if he ever tries to bang Paris Hilton...he better hope I'm turned off.

Oh, sure, you're the victim here. You don't know crap about what it's like to be the victim. So someone stuck a finger tip in you. Boohoo. Grow a pair, you plastic bucket of gastronomical waste. How'd you like to get hacked into and have your guts posted on the internet? Or worse yet, how'd you like to be the communications conduit between Paris Hilton and her mother while she's taking it doggy style from a two-bit frat boy with a pot belly and back hair? And then have it all distributed on the internet? Come back when you have real problems.

Dear FAT, I've been having discussions with Brian Urlacher, Paris Hilton's Dog, Paris Hilton's Porn Video and Paris Hilton's Porn Video II: This Time We Don't Answer The Phone, and we're all starting to get the feeling that we're simply being used as part of an elaborate scheme to promote her, and that none of us really mean anything to her. Do you think this is possible, and if she had to pick one of us, do you think she'd pick me over Brian Urlacher? Thanks in advance for your time.