crazyDingo

Big deal. The Jill's Tammy Janorkowski placed first in the Coney Island Lard Eating contest last Fourth of July.

Great idea. What we need are lots of fast three-and-outs so we can double the time our defense is on the field. Maybe if someone runs for 500 yards on us, the Ref's head will explode and the game will be canceled. Brilliant!

Everyone but Vermiel and Jaws. Everyone. But especially ESPECIALLY SIDELINE REPORTERS! Please, someone take the mic away from Suzy, Nancy, Glenda and Mary Sunshine before I PUKE! If I have to hear one more time how "The Coach just said coming out of the locker room,'We really gotta cut down on our mistakes.' I swear I will end women's suffrage RIGHT NOW!

"I'm very thankful it happened as quickly as it did. I'm very excited to be a Dallas Cowboy. I can't wait to go home and dress my kids with the little stars and get rid of all the old gear from the other team." ...he also was seriously disappointed about how things turned out in Buffalo. He mentioned needing time to get over his anger toward the team for handing his job to youngster J.P. Losman without an on-field competition and later added that he hopes to prove them wrong. "I'm not going to sit up here and defend myself," (Bledsoe) said. "The one thing I will say is that when my time as a Dallas Cowboy is done, then the story will be written and I think it'll be a story that will have a lot of success involved."

I think the person making the millionth post should be FINED a million dollars. That should settle things down a bit. You would care a great deal about your opinion before posting.

I'm sick of all you Negative Nancys! We are going to sneak into the playoffs as a wild card and then win the Superbowl! Whoopee! Whoopee! Cant..get this..jacket off..or I would raise my finger into NUMBER 1. Get that doctor off me! NURSE! HELP! NOT THE NEEDLE! AAAHHRG! Were num...one. We..num..Zzzzzz.

Dont be so glum, Chum! We also lead the league in disappointed fans! Detroit and Arizona, Oakland-- you got nothing on us! We're Number 1! We're Number 1!

Thou hast angered the Ancient One! Oh Great Evil, We pray thee do not swoop in and eat our children at having offended thee. We pray thou shalt stay down South, near to thine servant Mularkey and your Church of the Dolphins. We know and admit thou art the power from which Nick Saban doth your will. We know and admit your icon:

You know who could play behind this line? FLUTIE! I'm not even a big Flutie fan but he had this instinct that made him run around like crazy until something opened up. He was king of busted plays. Maybe being so short made him develop this blind instinct about who was where as he was scrambling around. I hoped when we drafted JP we got a qb who had RJ's physical tools and Flutie's moxie. Nope. Maybe JP should stop watching Hollywood movies for inspiration and break out some old Flutie game tapes. But I guess that kind of thing cant be taught. I'm not into college football, but was JP that kind of QB in college? What was it they saw in him?

Sorry, I thought you said put a sock ON it. MMMmmmmm....

by "unleashed" do you mean "cut?"

How Effin Sad and Effin True

ok... 13 men on the field , 8 of whom are on steroids and crystal meth. Every second down we go for a fieldgoal no matter where we are. 2 words: whale blubber. Finally, JP gets on all fours and pretends to bark like a dog before the snap. Ready? BREAK!

"Of course we're disappointed. We cant keep making dumb penalties. We're beating ourselves. We've all got to do a better job, its not just JP. Coaches, Defense, everyone. I thought we did some things well, especially on special teams, we moved the ball well at times. You've got to hand it to the <insert opponent's name here>, they are a very good team. We'll just get back to practice and get ready for <insert next opponent's name here>" There. A copy and paste press conference you can depend on every week. 7 years tested and proven.

Medical Marijuana.

Ding Ding Ding! Congatulations. You are today's winner. Step up and select any prize on the middle shelf. After so many years of losing and tasting the worst possible luck we have become connoisseurs of bad teams. I, for one, feel like I can tell after the first couple series how a game will go. This team is bad. As bad as all the 5-11, 6-10 crap shoved down our throats for most of a decade. I think, like every year, we can look forward to our annual losing record, followed by our annual scapegoat sacrifice ( who will it be this year--Offensive Coordinator? Defensive Coordinator? Special Teams, General Manager, Head Coach, Quarterback, Cornerback?) It really doesnt matter who gets the ax. Nothing changes but the names. In the words of today's idiotic millionaire philosopher athlete, "It is what it is." No kidding. If your father beat the crap out of you every weekend for seven years, would you feel good he bought you a cake this weekend?

If JP continues to regress I say we direct snap to Mooreman on every play. He can Run, Pass and Punt. They will never know whats coming! OOh-Rah!

Michael Irvin is Deon Sanders on crack.

If you want to win games you need winners put into winning positions by winning coaches to win games. Just go get, like, 50 of those kind of guys. Its not brain science. I'm gonna write a book.

Everyone involved looked like they were embarassed to be there. I know I was embarrased to watch. I would really like to watch a game without the crap some Network idiot dreams up. On Screen Down-and-Distance arrows before the snap? GONE! Useless sideline reporters who talk over plays? GONE! Puking out love songs about one or two players the whole game? GONE! Witty banter? GONE! Joe Theisman, Tony Kornheiser, Mike Tirico, Boomer Esiason, Michael Irvin, Dan Marino, Dan Dierdorff? GONE!!!!!!!!! Vote for me.

If you were kicked in the balls by a mule last year and you were kicked in the balls by an ex girlfriend this year your condition has improved: Last year: number of groin kicks: 1 Hours spent in agony: 48 fear of mules: 100% This year number of groin kicks: 1 Hours spent in agony: 8 fear of women: 50% SEE? Even though you collapsed and puked all over yourself both times, you are in way better shape statisically!

ZING!

Was Willis high tonight?

He's got all the tools: He's the prototypical qb. Hes got a rocket for an arm. He got quick feet and can scramble for that first down. He's handsome and from California. Saaayyyy....wait a minute... Aw, crap.

its you.