I'd hire Bruce, Thurman, Kelly, Bennett, and Talley.
One time one of the grounds guys were in an elevator with those 5. They asked the grounds guy if he wanted to have some fun. He said "sure". So the 5 stripped him down to his underwear, and duct taped him to the goal post. It was also mid December. Christie went out to practice field goals, and found the grounds guy basically in tears still taped to the goal posts.
Edit to add, the grounds guy was sort of a douche, so he kinda deserved it.