SilverNRed

I'm disappointed that no one posted a picture of OJ with the words "You know what to do" underneath. I mean, how did we make it to page 7 without any jokes about me killing her? This kinder, gentler crap has to stop.

Relax, bro, that one was obviously just a joke. Thought you'd appreciate the American Psycho reference too. "Feed me a stray cat." Remember?

I had one more idea. Instead of nailing her friends, I could go a step farther and make sure she never trusts a man again for the rest of her life. I mean, really screw with her head. Stay with me on this one..... I could kill one of her cats. Think about it. I'm Mr. Way-Too-Nice Guy for the entire relationship and then when things go south I go nuts and kill one of her cats. She'd never be able to trust a man again no matter how nice he is to her because deep down inside she'd always be wondering if he's capable of killing her pets. Plus if she has a thing for the "bad boys" this would probably qualify me and we'd be rolling around in the sheets again in no time. The striped one can live, but that white one always pissed me off.

That's my guess. A week it is. Not a problem. !@#$ that.

If I did, I'd share them. Sadly, I do not.

OK, first off, I am a jerk. But for her I toned it way down and was almost certainly too nice and considerate. I told her I didn't daydream about her to make her feel a little more normal about not daydreaming about me. Seriously, I feel better not being obsessed with who I'm dating and having them not obsessed with me. This isn't high school (or so I thought).

That seems to be the consensus, so that'll be the plan. Her friends weren't as good looking as her but, then again, that's not what this is about is it?

I considered this. This B word was from the Bible belt so most everything we did was because I was persuasive. She wasn't a virgin but she also didn't know what the hell she was doing either. So I spent a lot of time breaking her in and obviously she was into it.

This makes sense. I know who it probably is but she doesn't actually "got" him. She still has the hots for her ex-bf who ditched her over a year ago (for her best friend) and could care less about her. Apparently I'm not as big a douche bag as that guy so I don't suit her needs.

Alright, I finally rolled out of bed a couple hours ago. It wasn't so much that I was too hungover to get up; it's just that I really didn't feel like getting up and doing work today. Anyways, turns out there's only so much time you can spend laying in bed listening to CDs and I was curious to see what the reaction was on TSW. The five pages is overwhelming so it's time for some responses. Problem is, it's the summer semester and lots of the co-eds are home until Fall. This happened at a really inconvenient time for me. I'll be lucky if I can find a nice librarian to roll around in the sheets with.

Time for me to join the "Ed" club. This is a TSW tradition so let's have at it. So my girlfriend dumped me tonight. Was she cheating on me? No. Was I cheating on her? No. Were there bedroom problems? No. Was I a jerk? No. Did her friends not like me? No. So why? She said she didn't think we had a spark anymore. Read that again slowly and try to take it all in. No spark? That doesn't even !@#$ing mean anything. That's woman gibberish! There was enough spark for her to let me buy her stuff and let me screw her but not enough to let me keep doing that. How GD wonderful is that? Her problem is that she didn't daydream about me and I, in what later turned out to be a mortal sin, admitted that I really didn't daydream about her too much either. Yeah, I said I just looked forward to seeing her because I liked spending time with her (even when she was fully clothed, if you're wondering). How awful of me. I'm trying to figure out how much money and stupid crap I had to put up with during this relationship. I mean, I put up with her cats. Yes, that's CATS. She had two, and the little bastards jumped on my nuts more than once when I was over there. Please feel free to tell me how much I suck, how much women suck, and mainly how much I suck. Help me understand why I would date a woman who lived with multiple cats. Also, does anyone know how long I have to wait before I inquire about her single friends (many of whom thought I was cool and that she was an idiot)? This probably won't be a TSW classic because I'm not into the self-loathing thing (I'm an anger man, myself) but at least we can turn this into a friar's club roast of sorts. We can all share in that fact that I am the latest victim of "girl logic" (the opposite of regular logic).

In Austin, Texas, anything is possible..... Alex Jones basically owns the public access station here. He's on channel 15 at least a couple hours a day talking about this stuff. And stoners call in and praise him for "broadening their minds" (along with pot, I guess).

No doubt in my mind that many people DO get away with it in America.

Don't worry, we're in this together.

Not true. She only uses stats when it's a negative story about the Bush Administration. It's a stretch to say she ever actually understands them. NEOCON!!!!!

Here's the Darth Vader article with the video. The title is "Darth Vader and the New World Order" You can't even make this stuff up. Here's a highlight of Jones' insight: It gets better: Alex Jones admits being a man who watches the Incredibles and then lectures the children about how "true to life" it is. Thanks, Alex.

*slaps forehead* Um, Hook 'Em Horns..?

Hell YES! I talk about Alex Jones all the time. He was on TV a couple weeks ago in a full Darth Vader costume imitating what he thinks the government is telling us to think about race relations. In his best Darth Vader voice he was saying stuff like "keep hating one another based on your skin color and ignore the evil deeds done by your government." There was something surreal about seeing DV sitting behind Alex Jones' cheap little desk. He's either the funniest man alive (i.e. this is all just a joke) or completely insane. His website is here.

I'm glad you said it before I had a chance to.

Ever see the car with the bumper sticker that is completely crooked? I see these all the time in Austin. It's like the angry liberal was so consumed with his/her hatred for W that their hands couldn't stop shaking when putting the "I love bush but I hate the President" sticker on the car. If you can't even get a sticker on your car straight, your goofy opinions probably won't impress me.

Even the douche bags at Guantanomo don't deserve that!

Ramius, my man, ditch that thing quick. But keep the girl. Hubba hubba.

I picked the last option. AD has been an inspiration.

Being at UT Austin sent me spiraling towards conservatism. I can't handle all these hippies!