Cugalabanza

Happy gggbirthday!

"friend"...right.

More bathrooms! I've never been to a facility with a worse bathroom situation.

I have as much respect today for Green Day as I ever had, or ever will.

I'm gonna go out and pick this up. I've been hearing good things. I kind of gave up on Maiden shortly after the Life-giver died and all around was laid waste. I hope you guys are right. If not, you better watch out because the golden goose is on the loose and never out of season, or something like that.

Possibly NSFW. (contains very imaginative curse words) from The Straight Dope, very funny

"downside of 50/50?" That's the stupidest thing I've heard all day! Why doesn't he just say "he probably will not play." Downside of 50/50, that sounds like the kind of dumb crap my mincing little prick of a weasel boss likes to say when he has to tell you something you don't want to hear.

That's one trick more than most people.

The mind of a woman is a dark, dark, terrible, dangerous thing. Just absolutely horrifying!

1. What is your favorite color? dark grey 2. What day of the week is your favorite? sunday 3. When you pass gas, what is the molecular composition of said fart? i have no idea. i've never even considered looking into that. if i had to guess, i'd say it was in the "normal" range (*)4. Please describe your prosthetic limb preference. none 5. How are the Cardinals doing these days??? birds are pretty 6. We're not talking tobaccy juice are we? hells no (*)7. Do you have a glass eye? nope 8. What is the best way to fix an auto's brakes? D. Gooey stuff, etc... A. Work on them with pliers and wrenches and other tools. B. Replace all the parts C. Write the company with inane anecdotes D. Gooey stuff, elevation and sweet old time. (*)9. Please describe what you'd do with caramel, super glue and the cast of Baywatch. I'd throw the caramel in the trash, superglue David Hasselhoff's nutsack to the bumber of his little sand buggy and put it in gear. Then I'd proceed to have sex with the 8 best-looking female lifeguards 10. If you are kissing up to get the VP of Operations title just keep going. And get me my coffee right now. Black. Please respond as you see fit. No. Ok. Got it. 11. Your hair tastes different. Did you change your brand of shampoo? maybe 12. If you were a dog what would your name be? Capt. TJ Boathousephilanderer (*)13. If you had to choose between your pet or one of your fingers, which would it be, and why? (And, no, you don't get to pick which finger we're talking about.) I'll take my pet (dog: billie) 14. How intense is too intense? (Ultra X-treme is too intense) 15. Give me an example of how you got revenge on someone. beat 'em up & sold their teeth on ebay (*)16. What is your theory on the fact that no matter what color your shampoo is, the lather is always white? god works in mysterious ways, charlie! (*)17. Yes...happy birthday, Juan Ponce de Leon. Please elaborate. fountain of youth, my ass! 18. What is your favorite position? the brooklyn unicycle bukkake trick 19. Do you come here often? No pun intended. yes and no 20. Where is here? everwhere except "there" i suspect (*)21. How many uses of ammonia can you think of? two 22. Who's the boss? tony danzig 23. If you could fly, where would you go and how would you get there? carnegie hall. practice practice practice 24. Huh? hi, how ya doin'? 25. Please describe everything you feel about Capri Sun. i feel let down 26. Coffee Tea or me? And why. coffee. it's nice. 27. What is your favorite restraint? good taste 28. Why doesn't anybody knock anymore? the internet (*)29. What goes up must come down. Explain. Again, no pun intended. Not objectively true. It's just a feature of how human beings need to experience regularity in the world. 30. Describe why E-Harmony just plain sucks. It only hooks me up with ugly chicks.

Tagline... Rocky Balboa comes out of retirement to battle his toughest opponent yet: incontinence.

That's exactly what a plastic surgeon would do. He'd cut some slack from her thighs, tummy, love handles, bingo arms, neck and ass. Weird science indeed!

From Internet Movie Database...

One more suggestion I'd like to add about enhancing your beer-tasting experience: A fine beer will always taste better when you drink it through a quarter-size hole punched out with your keys near the bottom of the can.

I would totally have clumsy, over-eager sex with her for approximately a minute and a half.

He'd be there in a matter of minutes. (Special Agent Jack Ass travels by jet pack)

Oh, no! Hopefully the nutjob will kill himself before anybody else gets hurt for a change.

Ooh, and get this: There's a superhot girl in it--she's the forensics expert. She has a lot of problems with Special Agent Jack Ass for not playing by the rules, but gotdam if she doesn't admire him too. He sticks it to her in act 2 and he starts thinking hey, maybe I can be a regular happy guy after all. Then, just when you think he's going soft, the gang of international terrorists kill the girl just to piss off Special Agent Ass. Big mistake! That just makes him mad and when he's mad, he does what he does best... get results!

...although, the more I think about it, you may have something with that. Special Agent Jack Ass doesn't always have time to follow procedure. He's too busy getting results! Something like that. Not bad, huh?

It's called Jackass. It's not some lame story about some guy named Jack Ass who is like a private detective or vigilante or something. It's much more subtle and sophisticated than that.

I'm gonna go see it this week. It is amazing that none of them are dead or paralyzed.

My girlfriend's father was in the Army and they lived in Korea for 6 years. Here's her (somewhat disjointed and cryptic-sounding) advice... -Overall, Korea is beautiful. People always hate it when they first get there but once they have to leave, they miss it immensely. -Beware of Korean college students--they want us out of their country. -Don't drive, unless you know how to drive like a maniac (6 years down there, did not see 1 traffic police; Koreans will make a 4 lane road into 10). -Hailing cabs is just as easy as in NYC and are not expensive. -Everyone buys off the black market. -It is generally very safe to live there because the natives are extremely nice and educated. But don't do anything illegal there (they are not very forgiving). -Koreans think all Americans are rich. She said if she had the chance to work and live there, she would do it. It's a beautiful country. The coolest thing is that, through the Army, you can fly very cheap to places like Okinawa, Guam, Philippines, Australia and Saipan. You can fly to Yokota Army Base and drive to Tokyo.

Hee hee, sometimes you just gotta put down the pencil and start swingin'.

Pascal--not only is he a terrible philosopher, but an incredible kitty too!