Cugalabanza

Lucky bastard. Side note: How come Lou Reed doesn't get more credit? He belongs in the discussion of greatest songwriters in my opinion.

From the National Wildlife Foundation: The ANOREXIC SOCIALITE FLOOZY General Precautions: Keep in mind that the Anorexic Socialite Floozy wants to avoid you as much as you want to avoid her. Know that twilight, night and dawn are when they are most likely to be active, although encounters can occur at any time. Be especially cautious if the Anorexic Socialite Floozy is encountered far from its natural habitat of fancy exclusive nightclubs and private mansions--this will increase the likelihood of a Floozy attack. One should never, under any circumstances, try to feed the Anorexic Socialite Floozy. The sight of food will cause the specimen to become very unpredictable and possibly violent. If the Anorexic Socialite Floozy feels threatened, she will become aggressive. Back away from the animal slowly and carefully. If you antagonize the Anorexic Socialite Floozy, she will attack by attempting to perform fellatio, thereby spreading her dreaded herpes virus.

Internet superstar gringo starr passed away yesterday when he was suddenly defenestrated during a botched auto-erotic self-asphyxiation episode. He is survived by a bunch of hot-heads on some message board.

That's pretty funny. However, I don't really think science can help us against this horrific force of nature. Just recently, my girlfriend stopped talking to me for three days because of something she says I did IN A DREAM SHE HAD! Where was your precious science then, huh?

You forgot pretzel-choking

I think you should check your dosage. She has a very pretty face in my opinion.

Wow! This would definitely be in the running for BOTY.

Oh my God!

Two words: CAPRI SUN

She's so out of her freaking mind! She's about 6 months away from being that crazy old cat-throwing lady from The Simpsons.

It's that controversial Paris Hilton Diet (nothing but cocaine, valium, vodka and semen) she's been on. You'd be a little light-headed too.

Shemommanow

Sadly, no. Not nearly as good looking as her sister, Shegonna.

At the grocery store, my cashier's name... Shewanna. No kidding. It was on her name tag and it printed on the receipt.

girls are nice

Funny, you don't really seem that sorry to me.

And he had some pretty funny moments on the old Ben Stiller show.

Whoa! Light a match!

This guy sounds like a jerk. Anybody who constantly blabs about his/her religious beliefs is annoying. Personally, I'm agnostic and usually sympathetic to people bad-mouthing organized religion, but it sounds like this guy is just using atheism as an excuse to irritate people. This is the kind of person commonly referred to by develpmental psychologists as a Fu#%ing !@#$.

I've had a lot of crappy jobs, but the worst was doing toxic waste disposal. I would have to put on a tyvek suit and respirator and climb into acid tanks to suction and squeejee all the caustic gunk and bits of metal out. You could only do it for about an hour at a time because your rubber gloves and boots fill up with sweat and you start to get dizzy from heat exhaustion. I only did it for a few months. I was shocked when I found out that some of the guys I was working with were much younger than I thought. These guys looked like they were in their 50's, but they were in their late 20's & early 30's. Not for me.

Happy birthday, Nick!

God bless us all, everyone, what a day!

Basically, yes.

Alternate translation: She knows exactly what she's doing and she leaked the thing on purpose to further her celebrity. People like this are rich and famous only because they are able to keep people like us talking about them. It's not like anybody's going out to buy Jessica Simpson cd's because her music is so great.

I'm sure they'll be very happy about that