Cugalabanza

Hollerin' Abe the Fool Dried Out Mike Christensen Weeping Wally, the bipolar hobo Hairy Dean Stanton Peter the not so great Gentleman Gene Harris The Obscure Hobo, bumming a ride on the omnibus of art Timeless Timothy Teagarten Gorgeous George, the strongman Sandusky Mike Musso Crazy Christopher and his alien tormentors Tom Whisky

I have a problem. Luckless Darren McCook "Yanky" Phil Bartlett, DDS Sheetrock Joe Southside Tommy Thumbs John T. Bucklehouse, the fighter Truth Tellin' Margaret Finch No Convincing Earl Stevens (aka "Monkey Rag Earl) Bad News Edna Brown, the pessimist Top Hat Arthur Pope, the ambassadorial hobo Dirty Gerty, the stinky stanky drunk Rip Reese and his bag o' sticks Fast Talkin' Rudy Cobb, the sophist John Tammeridge, the Brit Tyranosaurus Ed Lonesome Pete Busby, Esq. Grabby Dave, the bum thief Skeevy Tim McCreevy Trash Can Frank Canada-Hatin' Robby Framm "Pissfoot" Dan Akers, the incontinent goodfernuthin' railyard bum "Howsabout It" Goldy Sweet

Dirty Work Outside Providence

Happy Birthday Mike in Syracuse! (aka "Hokey Pokey Mike, the singin'est dancin'est hobo this side o' the Mississip'")

...and he played Ming the Merciless and he played chess with death!

Speaking of Jesus and vomit… Reminds me of Max Von Sydow in Hannah And Her Sisters, when he says, "If Jesus came back today and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."

I like these! Especially Limpin Gene Scroggins, but I don't know why. Yes, Beerball is already a good hobo name. I wanted to include him, but didn't know how. I tried "Beerball the Nose Whistler (and everybody can hear it but him)" but it did not make the cut.

I can't remember the author. It's in an anthology that I have at home ("America's Best Non-Required Writing 2006").

Lightnin' Mr. /dev/null, the Jokester "Punchy" Joe Knuckles Nine Finger Larry, the Riverboat Gambler Amorous Alaska Darin Kid Silverhair, the hobo of indeterminate age Horse Laugh Harriet the Witch Shortpants Scott Sarama Stabby McGee, the Grudge-Holdin' Hobo

I think I have a mental problem, because I read a funny story about hobos and now I can't stop making up hobo names... Beancan Bill Ott Corny Samuelson, the Swede Shortfoot McKenna, the Risktaker If David Duchovny was a bum Philosophizin' Raymond Thomason (aka Ray the Mouth) "Lights Out" Steven James (aka Narcoleptic Steve) Creepy Jim Dunlop, the kid toucher Arkansas Viggo Mortensen Bummy McBum, the Bum's Bum Crumb Jacket Charlie Syphilitic Pete Hamilton, the Romantic Connie "Goose Legs" Blanchard Handsome Leroy Twoshirts AJZepp and his Quaker Oats box drum Possum-Eatin' Lana K "Ol' Stinky" Bullpen, the unwashed statesman Good Times Sketch Soland, the boxcar reacharounder ieatcrayonz

Happy Birthday, Spanky!

Yeesh! That was a really weak showing. Total lack of skill. Poor first touches at every opportunity. Outclassed at every position. England looked like top quality in comparison. If the U.S. keeps it up like this, they will get completely taken apart next week in Spain.

I've seen Donovan occasionally show true world class skills. Then sometimes he disappears for long periods. He was amazing in the World Cup draw against Italy. He was maybe the best player on the field that day as the U.S. was a man down for the entire second half, but held the eventual champs to a draw. He played briefly in Germany (Bayer Leverkusen) around 2005. He was only there a short time and did not see much action. I think he pretty much prefers living in California with his hot wife, Bianca, and being an "A" star in a "B" league. I predict though that he will really show himself in this game today. He's been lighting it up with the Galaxy lately.

The rosters are stacked! U.S. GOALKEEPERS - Dominic Cervi (Out of Contract), Brad Guzan (Chivas USA), Tim Howard (Everton FC) DEFENDERS - Carlos Bocanegra (Fulham FC), Dan Califf (FC Midtjylland), Steve Cherundolo (Hannover 96), Jay DeMerit (Watford FC), Oguchi Onyewu (Standard de Liege), Michael Orozco (San Luis), Heath Pearce (Hansa Rostock), Jonathan Spector (West Ham United) MIDFIELDERS - Freddy Adu (SL Benfica), DaMarcus Beasley (Glasgow Rangers), Michael Bradley (SC Heerenveen), Ricardo Clark (Houston Dynamo), Benny Feilhaber (Derby County), Eddie Lewis (Derby County) FORWARDS - Clint Dempsey (Fulham FC), Landon Donovan (Los Angeles Galaxy), Nate Jaqua (Out of Contract), Eddie Johnson (Fulham FC), Josh Wolff (Out of Contract) ENGLAND GOALKEEPERS - David James (Portsmouth), Joe Hart (Manchester City), Chris Kirkland (Wigan) DEFENDERS - Wayne Bridge (Chelsea), Wes Brown (Manchester United), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United), Phil Jagielka (Everton), Glen Johnson (Portsmouth), John Terry (Chelsea), Stephen Warnock (Blackburn), David Wheater (Middlesbrough), Jonathan Woodgate (Tottenham) MIDFIELDERS - Gareth Barry (Aston Villa), David Beckham (Los Angeles Galaxy), David Bentley (Blackburn), Joe Cole (Chelsea), Stewart Downing (Middlesbrough), Owen Hargreaves (Manchester United), Tom Huddlestone (Tottenham), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Jermaine Jenas (Tottenham), Frank Lampard (Chelsea), Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Ashley Young (Aston Villa) FORWARDS - Gabriel Agbonlahor (Aston Villa), Dean Ashton (West Ham), Peter Crouch (Liverpool), Jermain Defoe (Portsmouth), Michael Owen (Newcastle), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)

Nice article. Thanks for posting. Stuff like this (dogmatism) should be challenged and ridiculed constantly.

Could be. The English side has talent, but they've been in chaos for a while now. They can't seem to get it together. It would be pretty significant for the U.S. to get this win against the country who invented the game. No matter what happens, it will be interesting to see. I can't wait.

Bump

just curious what people think

There's been a "change" to !@#$ ??? Man, do I feel like an idiot--I didn't even notice.

Set your dvr, vcr, or just call in sick... U.S. vs. England Wednesday May 28 Wembley Stadium, London, England 3 p.m. ET, ESPN Classic

Science!

That's weird. I'd go with Olson. He's kind of wet behind the ears, but he's better than the other two. Lane is too ditzy--always falling out of windows, getting kidnapped, etc… And Kent is never around when you need him.

I did not know that.

The downside, of course, being that every time you eat a Twizzler, you are in effect stealing a rainbow from an impoverished child.

Of course you do! They come from a Unicorn's patooty. Any candymaker will tell you that if you plug a unicorn's tookus, the magic that usually comes out of there in the form of rainbows gets diverted to the patooty… giving us Twizzlers. It's the patooty magic that makes 'em good. Scientifically speaking, of course.