Cugalabanza

I've even seen a chicken strip!

For what it's worth, here are Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing: 1. Listen to the birds. That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere. 2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one. 3. Practice in front of a bush Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread. 4. Walk with the devil Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub. 5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing. 6. Never point your guitar at anyone Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field. 7. Always carry a church key That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it. 8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music. 9. Keep your guitar in a dark place When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it. 10. You gotta have a hood for your engine Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.

Would it be in poor taste to play "Love Gun" by Kiss at the funeral?

It makes me want to start a band and call it SALZREP just so I can use this picture as the album cover.

Another come from behind victory for gringo starr!

I have to find out whose car that is. I just have to know what this guy looks like.

If you're interested in becoming a lifetime poor to borderline mediocre guitar player, I can give you some tips. Really, just get good at keeping the thing in tune (if you don't have one already, pick up a chromatic tuner for about $15 to $20). Then, just have fun and explore some of the resources already mentioned, according to your own tastes. Your wife must be pretty cool.

So I come in to the parking garage this morning and I notice this guy a couple spots over from me...

fixed

yeah

Hi

In certain remote counties in Georgia the preferred plural form is "yamomminem." As in "Y'all be sure'n give my love to yamomminem for me now!"

Dokken (rhymes with rockin')

This kid's moving way too fast. Booze, drugs, juvie, guns, joyriding, sex with an older woman. All at 16! I know just what this kid needs to get his head straight: lentils.

The distinct odor of pumpkin seeds comes from an extremely rare chemical compound called pepitas lutenae manganate. The only other natural source of this compound is the Jamaican Mountain Lily, which is used locally in conjunction with great quantities of marijuana as a powerful aphrodisiac and treatment for erectile dysfunction. We can conclude that your friend, despite being a flaccid pothead sexual deviant, is otherwise in good health.

Yeah, why a panda? I understand the desire to punch somebody, but wtf? He should dress up as a mosquito or a rat or a politician or a banker...

I think your biggest obstacle is going to be hydrogen psychosis, aka, "crazy eye."

Nope. Tennis elbow is about injury/inflammation of the tendon that connects your forearm muscles to your elbow. It's pretty common. Bursitis is injury/inflammation of the bursa sac, which basically functions as a cushion in your joints. This is fairly common too, but probably not as common as tendonitis.

Could also be tendonitis (aka "tennis elbow"). Very common and fits your description... pain felt most when you extend your arm and in the lifting motion. Seems unlikely that the blood donation has anything to do with it. Then again, I'm no doctor and I haven't slept in a Holiday Inn in years.

Are you down with ppp?

I dig the way you guys do business.

I think for lunch today I'll have a nice egg & cheese bagel sandwich and a coffee.

I think after one month you will be farting continuously, sweating mulligatawny soup and jonesing for a piece of pizza harder than you have ever jonesed for anything in your life. But good luck to you.