WhoTom

I quit biting my fingernails when I was in college. My wife and I both gave up cigarettes when we got married. As a friend said, "You found better ways to satisfy your oral fixations."

Run block, Forrest, run block!

Fixed it.

Me too. Whoppers have mayo. That's just wrong.

"Feast Mode"

Why should I care If I have to cut my hair? I've got to move with the fashion Or be outcast

Late last night I heard the screen door slam And a big yellow taxi Took away my old man

And then one day you find to your intense delight That three wrong turns can really make a right So why not be like me, be proud of all your crimes Cause when I screw up once, I do it two more times

Right - 26 teams. The Bills picked 5th in the first round. Must have been some trading, because they picked 4th in round 2. https://www.pro-football-reference.com/years/1970/draft.htm

Something tells me the hens won't be happy about this.

Note to parents: don't let this guy do the "Got your nose!" trick on your kids.

So come on baby Baby please I'm beggin' you baby I'm on my knees Turn on your light Let it shine on me Turn on your love light Let it shine on me Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

I once had a co-worker who said, "I'll never understand how Bob Dylan became a famous singer." Another co-worker replied, "He's not a famous singer. He's a famous songwriter." On a similar note (excuse the pun), I read an interview with Kris Kristofferson. He said he prefers other people's versions of his songs over his own.

Spoiled rich kids who inherit, rather than earn, their fortunes are often quite bad at money management. Go figure.

I kinda like mine with Ranch. (There. I got this year's April Fools' joke out of the way.)

I think they're trying to restore the recovery rate to what it was before they changed the rule in order to make onside kicks safer.

Loanshark Park?

All ideas that begin with the phrase, "Hear me out" should only be proposed on April 1st. Well, played, Sir.

"In my family, we open our pranks on April Fools' Eve."

Blackbird with three-part harmony:

Once upon a time there was an engineer. Drove a locomotive both far and near. Accompanied by a monkey that would sit on a stool Watching everything the engineer would do. One day the engineer wanted a bite to eat, He left the monkey sitting on the driver's seat, The monkey pulled the throttle, the locomotive jumped the gun And did 90 miles an hour down the mainline run.

Once I learned what that word meant, I could never eat another FlufferNutter sandwich.

"Rasta Rockett" sounds like it could have been Bob Marley's nickname for his ****.