My condolences to your family.
Long term, please consider family/individual counseling to help navigate this, especially for children, but for you, too. I raised two kids myself from ages 7 and 11. I did the best I could, but there are things I couldn't 'see' that they needed more help than what I could provide alone. They are adults now, and are both doing well, but they went through some hard times that could have been better with some professional assistance.