The Frankish Reich

So will the White House smell like curry or fried chicken? Racists.

Unfortunately Trumpies are voting early this year too. (But, of course, their early votes are legit whereas Dem early votes are harvested from some cemetery)

But, but, but ... the Reliable Alt Media! If we can't trust some anonymous guy on Twitter, who can we trust?

I like this concept. Trump on shrooms. "I don't know, but many people are saying ..."

Would be even funnier (imagine that!) if they went with watermelon and fried chicken, but I guess they showed some restraint. Racist.

Excellent points. You like the guy with uncanny accuracy and a big leg (I don't mean fat guy big, I mean can hit a 60 yarder). But those guys aren't out there. So at least give me one or the other. The guy who can get a touchback on every single kickoff + hit from 59, but will miss a gimmie every now and then? O.K. Or the guy with limited range who is deadly accurate inside 50. OK too. Right now Bass is none of the above.

Actual unedited text of Trump Q&A response (it would be wrong to call it an "answer"). Before we begin, reflect on the question - what would you do to help families suffering from inflation? The full text below, with a few chapter headings I've added for clarity. Trump’s answer “So, you know, it’s such a great question in the sense that people don’t think of grocery. You know, it sounds like not such an important word when you talk about homes and everything else, right? But more people tell me about grocery bills, where the price of bacon, the price of lettuce, the price of tomatoes, they tell me. [1] And we’re going to do a lot of things. 1. Sell more U.S. agricultural goods to China. “You know, our farmers aren’t being treated properly. And we had a deal with China, and it was a great deal — I never mentioned it because once covid came in, I said, that was a bridge too far because I had a great relationship with President Xi [Jinping]. And he’s a fierce man and he’s a man that likes China and I understand that. But we had a deal and he was perfect on that deal, $50 billion he was going to buy. [2] We were doing numbers like you wouldn’t believe, for the farmer. But the farmers are very badly hurt. The farmers in this country, we’re going to get them straightened out. We’re going to get your prices down. 2. Stop immigration, and maybe (unclear) kill unions. “But you asked another question about safety and also about Black population jobs and Hispanic population in particular those two. [3] So when millions of people pour into our country, they’re having a devastating effect on Black families and Hispanic families more than any others. [4] I think it’s going to spread to a lot of other places. “I think it’s going to spread to unions. I think unions are going to have a big problem because, you know, employers are just not going to pay the price. They’re going to — and it’s going to be — it’s a very bad thing that’s happening. a. Hannibal Lecter, because that's what my audience expects. “So they’re coming in. Many are coming in from jails and prisons and mental institutions, insane asylums. [5] That’s like, you know, step above, right? Insane asylum. And whenever I go, Hannibal Lecter, you know what I’m talking about. They always go — the fake news. That’s a lot of fake news back there, too.” [Boos from the audience.] “They always mention — you know, it’s a way of demeaning, they say, ‘Hannibal Lecter, why would he mention?’ [6] Well, you know why, because he was a sick puppy, and we have sick puppies coming into our country. I figured that’s a lot — that’s better than wasting a lot of words. You just say, ‘Hannibal Lecter. We don’t want him.’ But. But they always sort of say, ‘Why would he say that?’ I do it for a lot of reasons. “But I do it because we are allowing some very bad people into our country. And they’re coming as terrorists. You know, you saw the other day, last month they had the record number of terrorists. [7] I had a month — and I love Border Patrol. b. The Border Patrol union (note: a union) endorsed me. “Did you see they gave me a full endorsement two days ago? Border Patrol.” [8] [Cheers from the audience.] “The Border Patrol. And they’re great. And, you know, they want to do their job. They don’t want to let these people come in. They look at them. They can tell. They can look at somebody, say good, bad. They say what’s coming into our country now, it’s having a huge negative impact on Black families and on Hispanic families and ultimately on everybody. “And we’re going to close that border so tight. It’s going to be closed. And I said the two things I’m going to do, first, we’re going to close that border — [9] and people are going to come in. You want people to come in. We need people to come in. People are going to come into our country legally. “You know, it’s so unfair. You have people that are waiting on a system, in a line and they’ve been waiting in this line. You know how long? For years, 10 years, 12 years and they study and they take tests. And then people come. I actually say, ‘Why don’t you just go and just come on across?’ I tell people that it’s terrible, right? I said, ‘Go out. You’re incredible.’ They say, ‘What can I do to speed up the process?’ I say, ‘You know what, go to the southern border. I’ll see you on the other side.’ It’s so unfair. [10] c. "They take tests" to come in legally (no, they don't; that's to naturalize as a citizen) “But we’re going to have them come in legally. You have to see what they have to do. They take tests on, you know, who was the first one here? What date was this? What does 1776 mean? All this stuff. “And these other people are coming in and they’re affecting the school systems and they’re affecting the hospital system. I mean, if you take a look at what’s going on in Springfield, Ohio, a town of 50,000 people, they’ve just added 32,000 people. Illegal immigrants. [11] And we’re not going to put up with it. “And we’re going to take care of your costs are going to come down, and you’re not going to have a problem with — because the biggest problem, and I’m hearing it from Black people and to a lesser extent right now, but it’ll be the same, Hispanic people. 3. Black and Hispanic people love me (the questioner was black) “And I’ll tell you what, our poll numbers have gone through the roof. With Black and Hispanic, have gone through the roof. [12] And I like that. I like that. I like that. So we’re going to take care of it. You will be — I’ll tell you, if everything works out, if everybody gets out and votes on January 5th. [13] Or before. “You know, it used to be, you’d have a date. Today, you can vote two months before, probably three months after. They don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But we’re going to straighten it all out. We’re going to straighten that out. 4. We will claim voter fraud. We’re going to straighten our election process out, too. That’s going to be important, also. So thank you very much, darling. We’re going to get it straight. Thank you.” The End. So he has no plan to bring down prices. He has a plan to sell more agricultural goods to China (which will reduce supply and tend to raise costs, helping farmers but not consumers) and a plan to stop immigration (and make it more expensive to harvest/process agricultural goods). Oh, and the blacks love me. The mind of a rambling, illogical old man.

I'll confess. I am not a professional joke writer. Many of my attempts at humor fall flat. The Babylon Bee? What's their excuse? I know they want to keep pushing out content to feed the elderly right wingers, but you gotta at least try harder ...

Like I said, not looking for laughs from someone who thinks changing his avatar to Susan Collins as an inside joke (with an audience of one) is humorous. Or who thinks changing his screen name to something that was obsolete a week later is hilarious. Old man humor, the only thing worse than juvenile humor.

Sorry, but I'm gonna spend the next couple hours cleaning up the coffee I just spit all over after seeing this one.

Thank you. I don't pander to the childish sense of humor. This is for adults only. Perfect! Please keep digging thru the Bee vault for similar gems.

Is Ozempic a banned substance?

Fluffy!

Uh-oh. That (and his physical appearance) was probably what kept him from getting a job somewhere.

I love fat guys (let's call it what it is) in pro sports. Not so many around anymore. Used to be pretty common in baseball at least.

Harrison = Kicker Royalty. I like.

The Babylon Bee Lame-Ass Joke Formula: - look for latest Trumpie talking point - look for Democratic response - Apply Democratic response in absurd scenario 60-80 year old audience gets latest tweet. Laughter ensues. Reposts on football blog; forwards to younger family members; Eyerolls ensue. GMB 8888 with his/her 6th post on TBD. Code is cracked!

Proving my point.

That's what I'm talking about. Just stupid/obvious attempts at humor. No edge. I'm all about edgy.

True. The full article (although I suspect I may be the only WSJ subscriber here): https://www.wsj.com/economy/economists-predictions-survey-charts-68ba82d6?mod=WTRN_pos1&cx_testId=3&cx_testVariant=cx_168&cx_artPos=0 The WSJ panel of economists (most from finance/business, only 11% from lib academia) now puts the chances of recession at around 25%. That's down from about 60% last year. Soft landing. Beautiful. Probably my second most important reason for not voting for Trump (the first is his utter contempt for American governmental institutions) is to not upset the applecart. When things are going well I don't want to see a radical change that could drive us into worldwide recession.

And the ever rising cost of meth cuts into that homeless housing budget!

Because the rules are just a little different for academic plagiarism, because, you know, you are graded. So give Kamala's Smart on Crime an F! From the number of sales it garnered, It appears that the general public agreed.

Well, then you predicted this: COLLEAGUES WORRY THAT FAILED RESEARCHER/AGING NORTH CAROLINA BIOMEDICAL PRODUCT SALESMAN SPENDS 100+ HOURS PER WEEK READING/REPOSTING RIGHT WING TWITTER FEEDS

Did we quietly get better? Because this deal seems pretty loud to me