The Frankish Reich

This one manages to be offensive and incredibly unfunny all at once ... gotta hand it to The Bee and their special brand of born-again "humor." Edited so that JDHillFan can follow. Note how the Bee manages to seamlessly weave in "trans" in multiple jokes. #Funny The Babylon Bee has not only obtained the following list of Pope Francis's favorite Bible verses but exclusive commentary on each verse from the Holy Father himself: "I will not eat green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I Am.": There are things in this life that are not pleasant. These are the green eggs and ham of our lives. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...": Never has the Holy Bible better described life in our world. "Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communistic revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Workingmen of all countries unite!": This is what the gospel is all about. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner.": This is, of course, referring to the Christ child who was born in Bethlehem, never to be put off in a corner. "I was born this way.": Timeless truth from the Apostle Lady Gaga. "To be or not to be, that is the question.": It is important to answer the question of what we are to be… even if we are to be trans. When the man who says he speaks on behalf of God says these are his favorite verses, who are we to disagree? Don't pretend you didn't laugh. After all, The Bee is funny! That's the point of it. That's why we have 70 pages of their elite-level humor copied and pasted here. I'm a convert, and there's no zealot like the recent convert.

Thank you for agreeing that The Pope is Ret@rded is some high-level humor. Anti-catholic religious right "humor" at its best!

@Biden is Mentally Fit, here's Edgy Done Horribly Wrong, courtesy of that very same Babylon Bee. Check out #10 for a belly laugh, @B-Man! There have (apparently) been some pretty heated disagreements between Catholics and Protestants over the years. However, these two opposing camps of Christ-followers may be surprised to find out just how much they have in common! In an effort to bring about lasting peace throughout Christendom, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of things Catholics and Protestants agree on: 1. The Bible has between 66 and 73 books: We can all completely agree it's somewhere in that range. 2. Mary was definitely Jesus' mother: See? No arguments. 3. Jehovah's Witnesses are right out: There has to be a line somewhere. 4. Candy corn is gross: If you enjoy these waxy, orange wads of sugar, it's unlikely that you belong to the Body of Christ. 5. Adam and Eve really screwed the pooch: We're all on the same page, fam. 6. Jesus had a disciple named Peter who was fairly important in some way or another: And let's leave it at that. 7. Han shot first: Get out of here with your heathen "Special Edition" lies. 8. Killing babies is really bad: Same team, folks! 9. That C.S. Lewis guy is alright: The only guy who could make having the middle name "Staples" seem super cool. 10. Pope Francis is ret@rded: Right? See, there's still plenty of common ground between Protestants and those crazy Papists! https://babylonbee.com/news/were-not-so-different-10-things-catholics-and-protestants-actually-agree-on

the whole Real Clear group turned unreliably partisan a few years ago. Sean Trende, their election analyst, used to be a great source of wisdom. I don't even know if he's there anymore. Lots of garbage now.

^^This hasn't aged well ... Hey, Donny, maybe we would make that stuff if we put a tariff on all imports! Why stop with stuff we already make? Are you going soft on tariffs? Did some big corporations get to you?

You're right, the Biden asylum policies. If you want to see a court trying it's damnedest to help out Kamala, look to see where the lawsuit challenging those policies was filed. The judge is sitting on it till after the election.

Obscure reference winner! (I only kinda get it because one of my kids used to listen to Muse)

With ketchup. Heinz. John Kerry's wife and all that.

Just not so carefully coded racist talk. Detroit = Black. Rest of MI = White.

In all fairness, while this certainly wasn't an eloquent response, at least it was in some way responsive to the question. Donut costs will go down as the cost of gas to heat the oil goes down, or something like that. A mentally competent man passes another test.

🕒 Last update: 2:30 p.m., Wednesday, October 16. It’s been a better day of polling for Harris. But the race is still really close. Harris leads by 2.8 points in our national polling average, and has a 50 percent chance of winning the electoral college. We’re in pure tossup terratory, and Harris’ slight lead last week has disappeared. - Nate Silver's latest update. Folks, it's a 50/50 election, which means turnout is everything, which means we really don't know anything until a day after the election.

DOA. Will be buried next to Seth Rich in the Clinton Wing of Arlington.

Does he bring a lunch pail? Please tell me he brings a lunch pail.

Kids don't eat a lot of those school lunches. Tremendous waste. Just hand out free peanut butter, jelly, and cheapo bread.

So will the White House smell like curry or fried chicken? Racists.

Unfortunately Trumpies are voting early this year too. (But, of course, their early votes are legit whereas Dem early votes are harvested from some cemetery)

But, but, but ... the Reliable Alt Media! If we can't trust some anonymous guy on Twitter, who can we trust?

I like this concept. Trump on shrooms. "I don't know, but many people are saying ..."

Would be even funnier (imagine that!) if they went with watermelon and fried chicken, but I guess they showed some restraint. Racist.

Excellent points. You like the guy with uncanny accuracy and a big leg (I don't mean fat guy big, I mean can hit a 60 yarder). But those guys aren't out there. So at least give me one or the other. The guy who can get a touchback on every single kickoff + hit from 59, but will miss a gimmie every now and then? O.K. Or the guy with limited range who is deadly accurate inside 50. OK too. Right now Bass is none of the above.

Actual unedited text of Trump Q&A response (it would be wrong to call it an "answer"). Before we begin, reflect on the question - what would you do to help families suffering from inflation? The full text below, with a few chapter headings I've added for clarity. Trump’s answer “So, you know, it’s such a great question in the sense that people don’t think of grocery. You know, it sounds like not such an important word when you talk about homes and everything else, right? But more people tell me about grocery bills, where the price of bacon, the price of lettuce, the price of tomatoes, they tell me. [1] And we’re going to do a lot of things. 1. Sell more U.S. agricultural goods to China. “You know, our farmers aren’t being treated properly. And we had a deal with China, and it was a great deal — I never mentioned it because once covid came in, I said, that was a bridge too far because I had a great relationship with President Xi [Jinping]. And he’s a fierce man and he’s a man that likes China and I understand that. But we had a deal and he was perfect on that deal, $50 billion he was going to buy. [2] We were doing numbers like you wouldn’t believe, for the farmer. But the farmers are very badly hurt. The farmers in this country, we’re going to get them straightened out. We’re going to get your prices down. 2. Stop immigration, and maybe (unclear) kill unions. “But you asked another question about safety and also about Black population jobs and Hispanic population in particular those two. [3] So when millions of people pour into our country, they’re having a devastating effect on Black families and Hispanic families more than any others. [4] I think it’s going to spread to a lot of other places. “I think it’s going to spread to unions. I think unions are going to have a big problem because, you know, employers are just not going to pay the price. They’re going to — and it’s going to be — it’s a very bad thing that’s happening. a. Hannibal Lecter, because that's what my audience expects. “So they’re coming in. Many are coming in from jails and prisons and mental institutions, insane asylums. [5] That’s like, you know, step above, right? Insane asylum. And whenever I go, Hannibal Lecter, you know what I’m talking about. They always go — the fake news. That’s a lot of fake news back there, too.” [Boos from the audience.] “They always mention — you know, it’s a way of demeaning, they say, ‘Hannibal Lecter, why would he mention?’ [6] Well, you know why, because he was a sick puppy, and we have sick puppies coming into our country. I figured that’s a lot — that’s better than wasting a lot of words. You just say, ‘Hannibal Lecter. We don’t want him.’ But. But they always sort of say, ‘Why would he say that?’ I do it for a lot of reasons. “But I do it because we are allowing some very bad people into our country. And they’re coming as terrorists. You know, you saw the other day, last month they had the record number of terrorists. [7] I had a month — and I love Border Patrol. b. The Border Patrol union (note: a union) endorsed me. “Did you see they gave me a full endorsement two days ago? Border Patrol.” [8] [Cheers from the audience.] “The Border Patrol. And they’re great. And, you know, they want to do their job. They don’t want to let these people come in. They look at them. They can tell. They can look at somebody, say good, bad. They say what’s coming into our country now, it’s having a huge negative impact on Black families and on Hispanic families and ultimately on everybody. “And we’re going to close that border so tight. It’s going to be closed. And I said the two things I’m going to do, first, we’re going to close that border — [9] and people are going to come in. You want people to come in. We need people to come in. People are going to come into our country legally. “You know, it’s so unfair. You have people that are waiting on a system, in a line and they’ve been waiting in this line. You know how long? For years, 10 years, 12 years and they study and they take tests. And then people come. I actually say, ‘Why don’t you just go and just come on across?’ I tell people that it’s terrible, right? I said, ‘Go out. You’re incredible.’ They say, ‘What can I do to speed up the process?’ I say, ‘You know what, go to the southern border. I’ll see you on the other side.’ It’s so unfair. [10] c. "They take tests" to come in legally (no, they don't; that's to naturalize as a citizen) “But we’re going to have them come in legally. You have to see what they have to do. They take tests on, you know, who was the first one here? What date was this? What does 1776 mean? All this stuff. “And these other people are coming in and they’re affecting the school systems and they’re affecting the hospital system. I mean, if you take a look at what’s going on in Springfield, Ohio, a town of 50,000 people, they’ve just added 32,000 people. Illegal immigrants. [11] And we’re not going to put up with it. “And we’re going to take care of your costs are going to come down, and you’re not going to have a problem with — because the biggest problem, and I’m hearing it from Black people and to a lesser extent right now, but it’ll be the same, Hispanic people. 3. Black and Hispanic people love me (the questioner was black) “And I’ll tell you what, our poll numbers have gone through the roof. With Black and Hispanic, have gone through the roof. [12] And I like that. I like that. I like that. So we’re going to take care of it. You will be — I’ll tell you, if everything works out, if everybody gets out and votes on January 5th. [13] Or before. “You know, it used to be, you’d have a date. Today, you can vote two months before, probably three months after. They don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But we’re going to straighten it all out. We’re going to straighten that out. 4. We will claim voter fraud. We’re going to straighten our election process out, too. That’s going to be important, also. So thank you very much, darling. We’re going to get it straight. Thank you.” The End. So he has no plan to bring down prices. He has a plan to sell more agricultural goods to China (which will reduce supply and tend to raise costs, helping farmers but not consumers) and a plan to stop immigration (and make it more expensive to harvest/process agricultural goods). Oh, and the blacks love me. The mind of a rambling, illogical old man.

I'll confess. I am not a professional joke writer. Many of my attempts at humor fall flat. The Babylon Bee? What's their excuse? I know they want to keep pushing out content to feed the elderly right wingers, but you gotta at least try harder ...

Like I said, not looking for laughs from someone who thinks changing his avatar to Susan Collins as an inside joke (with an audience of one) is humorous. Or who thinks changing his screen name to something that was obsolete a week later is hilarious. Old man humor, the only thing worse than juvenile humor.

Sorry, but I'm gonna spend the next couple hours cleaning up the coffee I just spit all over after seeing this one.