ChevyVanMiller

Oh my God! And all of our running backs and wide receivers are black. Can you say conspiracy? Join the 21st century.

Great piece as always from Nick. As many of you have been oogling pics of his wife you should at least give his work a read. The line about Ricky Williams and Lenny Kravitz's favorite possession is priceless. Buffalo vs. Miami -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A signature Nick Bakay Tale of the Tape 9/5/2004 The moment is frozen in my heart like it was yesterday. A young, ginger-haired dreamer name o' Bakay attended every 1970 Bills home game at the Old Rockpile. I saw men get drunk, I saw men get in fights, I saw the Jills back in the day when team rules decreed they had to be married - and at least 30 pounds overweight. What I didn't get to see was good football from the local team. That's the year I learned there isn't much to savor in a three-win season, so you have to reframe your definition of glory. This was long before O.J. was infamous. Hell, it was long before O.J. gained 2,003 yards in a 14-game season. He was just a former No. 1 pick still buried in a decoy role. Then it happened - a pitch to O.J.,s running left, and for once, miles of daylight before him, save for one lone defender in the contain role. But lo and behold, bearing down on that defender, a much-maligned blocker for the Bills that season with the unlikely name of Richard Cheek. Maybe it was his name, or his journeyman skill level, but Cheek wasn't what you'd call a fan favorite. But as he pulled left as the lead blocker, the whole stadium stood, the moment slowed down like the seconds leading up to a car Rosen, and I could feel our group consciousness meld into one pure thought: "C'mon, Cheek, just get a helmet on him. Spring the Juice, give us one moment to take home with us, and all is forgiven ... " Frame by frame, I can still see Cheek trip ... stumble ... and eat turf. I can still hear the collective gasp as a 60-yard touchdown romp disintegrated into a 2-yard loss. Sure, it still stings, but it was a defining moment for me - in that slow-mo nanosecond, I realized what being a Bills fan is all about: Hope. And here I am again, 34 years later, basking in that hopeful time of year, when all things good seem possible for the Bills as they embark on another campaign. Four seasons out of the playoffs? Never fear. Mularkey's here. Bledsoe spent more time on his back last season than Paris Hilton? Relax, the alarm clock is here (and hopefully a sub-400-pound Mike Williams). I'll grab hold of anything and everything I can, safe in the experience-leathered knowledge that winning seasons are an emotional cakewalk, and tough seasons are easily saved by three simple words: Just beat Miami. That's right - it's never too early to think Super Bowl, and it's never too early to hate the Dolphins. I have a good friend who taught his 5-year-old son the golden rule: Who's your favorite team? The Bills. Who's your second-favorite team? Whoever's playing Miami this week. It's the way it is, and the fact that the 'Fins roster gets thinner by the minute doesn't exactly bring a tear to my eye. Am I kicking them when they're down? Gee, I don't remember Shula every showing us much mercy. I've always felt this was football's perfect rivalry - North against South, Cold vs. Sun, Blue Collar City vs. Versace Death Site. They beat us for the entire decade of the '70s, we returned the favor a decade later. Like Michigan/Ohio State - even if the season's a bust - you gotta win this one. We don't get 'em at home in the winter this year, but we don't need to. Let the pummeling begin: Buffalo vs. Miami - the teams, the towns. ... It's got to help to see how they stack up at the Tale of the Tape. Logos: BUFFALO: A majestic, snorting beast. MIAMI: Flipper's unmarried uncle. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Nicknames: BUFFALO: The Nickel City. MIAMI: Death's Waiting Room. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. What People Try to Smuggle Across the Border: BUFFALO: A Fort Erie stripper. MIAMI: Elian Gonzalez. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Viable Running Backs: BUFFALO: Two. MIAMI: None. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Controversy be damned, McGahee and Henry are what I call a classy problem. Super Bowl Wins: BUFFALO: None. MIAMI: Two. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Where's the dignity in watching your team win one if you're watching it in shorts!? Things They Never Want to See: BUFFALO: Thurman in a Dolphins uniform. MIAMI: Horizontal snow at the Ralph in December. ADVANTAGE: Push. Never Again: BUFFALO: Four consecutive Super Bowl appearances. MIAMI: A perfect, undefeated season in 1972. ADVANTAGE: Crap, I have to give 'em that one. Let's move on ... Team Colors: BUFFALO: Red, white and blue. MIAMI: Aqua green and orange. I feel soft just writing that! Hey, Hojo's called, they want their shirts back. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Forces of Nature: BUFFALO: The sky between October and May. MIAMI: Hurricane Charley. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Head Coach's Last Names: BUFFALO: Mularkey, which I believe is Irish for trick play. MIAMI: Wannstedt, which I believe is Floridian for "Maybe I can be somebody's defensive coordinator next year." ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Owner's Bought Franchises by ... : BUFFALO: Putting his chips on the AFL. MIAMI: Amassing a fortune in waste management. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Early Signs of Trouble: BUFFALO: Bledsoe is passing with an alarm clock. MIAMI: Dan Marino was hired as team president, took a look around, then quit two days later. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Reunited and It Feels so Good: BUFFALO: Jim McNally and Western New York. MIAMI: Ricky Williams and Lenny Kravitz's bong. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Tailgate Treats: BUFFALO: Wings 'n beer. MIAMI: Plantains, nothin' but plantains. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Worthy of a Double Take: BUFFALO: Man breasts bared to the icy winds MIAMI: Wannstedt's trembling mustache at the "Ricky retired" news conference. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Not that I'm encouraging it, but you have to give points for frostbitten man-nipples. Local Mottoes: BUFFALO: Squish the Fish! MIAMI: We fixed the election! ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. So there you have it, it's all so simple when you break things down scientifically. In a stampede, the advantage goes to Buffalo. But hang in there Miami, maybe Madonna will move back there someday. Until next time, I'm Nick Bakay reminding you the numbers never lie.

Glad you posted this topic. I saw the show last night as well and thought it was fantastic. The story that Drew told about he and AVP driving to a game last year and seeing a group of kids playing sandlot ball was worth my entire month's DirecTV bill. Catch it on a replay if you can.

Thanks Mark VI. Posts like yours, with the inside info, is what makes reading TSW so great.

Question: What do you do when the star of your fantasy team is playing the Bills? Don't you sometimes get into a conflict of interest? Case in point, I watched Super Bowl XXV in a bar in Niagara Falls. The bar had one of the super bowl squares for $100.00 a square. As Norwood lined up for that fateful kick, one guy stood off to the side of the bar looking squemish. Someone said, "What's wrong with you?" I'll never forget when the guy answered, "I've got the 0-9 square. If he makes the kick I lose $5,000. I'm gonna be sick." When the kick sailed wide right, there were about 50 guys in that bar ready to beat that guy's a$$. He left without the money and came back for it the next day. I realize that this is an extreme example, but I wouldn't want my league championship riding on a guy scoring a TD that puts the Bills out of the playoffs.

Are you a fan of fantasy football? Personally, I can't stand fantasy leagues and fantasy chatter. When a sports radio show like the Simoncast or Shoop & THe Bulldog bring in a fantasy "expert" I change the channel. There's nothing worse than hearing a guy call in and ask, "I can start two of my three runningbacks. I've got to choose between Holmes, Tomlinson and Henry. What, for the love of God, should I do?" Leave the decisions to the real coaches and Gm's and become a regular fan again. I think that there should be a ban on all fantasy geeks clogging up radio shows and chatboards.Who is with me? Flame away fantasy geeks!

I'm in. Thanks in advance.

Thanks for all of your efforts, Scott. A day without TSW, is like a day without sunshine.