ChevyVanMiller

LEARNING FROM HARRY!! A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants" Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Harry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: "Bubble gum" Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

Thanks, Alaska. I sincerely was happy just to have the opportunity to write and publish the book. The fact that it's selling so well and touching so many people is truly just sweet icing on the cake.

He stayed until 2 PM and I only saw one or two people turned away as he was packing up. I'm sorry that we didn't have a chance to meet. I'll be at the Pittsburgh game and hope to meet some more TBDers there.

All of Marv's signings here were with Waldenbooks and Barnes & Noble. If you contact your local outlet they will be able to let you know if he's scheduled for Rochester.

For Marv or for me? In both cases, it's very well. My book has just about sold out of the initial printing and is set to go to the second printing just after the new year. Marv, of course, is doing really well. The scuttlebutt that I heard was that his publisher greatly underestimated the popularity of his book and ran far few too copies. I know that I spoke with many people today who wanted a copy and couldn't find one any where in WNY.

Hey Everyone, I just got back from my book signing with Marv at the Main Place Mall. I'm happy to say that both Marv and I sold out of all stocked copies of our books (Of course for Marv that was quite a few more books than it was for me.) It was quite a spectacle to see so many people lined up to see Marv. Most waited in line at least two hours. I got some of the overflow by telling people that I was "the lesser well-known of the two authors signing today" and by guaranteeing no two-hour waits for my book. I was able to talk with Marv before the signing and present him with a copy of Buffalo Soul Lifters. I told him that he was sure to enjoy the chapter concerning Gus and TBD. He was very affable and wished me continued success. Marv signed for an extra hour until all copies were gone; just as I signed the last copies of Soul Lifters. For me it was an early Christmas present that I'll cherish for a long, long time.

The basketball team from Niagara Falls won the "City Of Palms" tournament in Florida last night. Along the way, they beat the top-rated team in Florida and the #4 team in all of the United States. The teams that they beat are heavily financed prep schools, while they are a public school. Congrats to all of the players and coaches. Western New York will have something else to crow about when the new national rankings come out in USA Today. Wolverines Win Title

To make a long story short, I have been scheduled for weeks to sign copies of Buffalo Soul Lifters tomorrow afternoon at the Waldenbooks in the Main Place Mall. Due to the overwhelming popularity of Marv's signings, the store scheduled him for a repeat signing at the same time that they had me slotted. I probably would have bailed from the signing, but my newspaper had already run full-color ads touting my appearance. The end result is that both Marv and I will be at the store signing at the same time. As I'm sure that I will be wholly ignored, I hope that any of you showing up to see Marv will stop and see me as well. I plan on giving Marv a signed copy of Buffalo Soul Liftersso that he'll be fully aware of the good people on TSW. Hope to see you there.

I had to bump this because there is one more point that I wanted to put in the original post. Nate Clements should change his nickname from "Playmaker" to "Nobody." That's the only way that Chad Johnson's claim that "Nobody can contain me," still makes any sense!

1.) If I'm the Bills coaches, I'm rethinking the decision to switch Jason Peters to guard. With that combination of speed, size and strenth I think that I would wait out his learning curve at Tight End. I know the guy only scored an 8 on the Wonderlik, but if he can learn the playbook he'll be a demon in the passing game. 2.) Lee Evans is already a far superior reciever than Peerless ever was or will be. I know many here poo-poo'd my comparision to Frank Lewis but he still reminds me of that great 80s receiver. I'm not talking about height or physical attributes, it's more his smooth gait in route-running and the way that he catches even the hardest balls with his hands and not his body. Sure doesn't resemble a rookie in any fashion. Give TD an A+++ on this selection. 3.) If Brian Moorman dosen't go to Hawaii they should cancel the game. He may not have the best net yardqage stats in the league, but he's the best clutch punter since Ray Guy. 4.) Speaking of special teams, give Bobby April his Christmas bonus right now. To take what has been a woeful unit for years and turn them into the cream of the NFL is nothing short of miraculous. If they gave out an "Assistant Coach Of The Year" award he would win hand's down. 5.) I think that AVP is a little overboard on the radio telecasts. Maybe Van Miller just spoiled us for so many years, but there is a way to root for the home team without sounding like a memeber of the pep squad. 6.) Will Bills fans ever enjoy a victory? The postgame calls to WGR sounded like they came from Cleveland. This team just put together the best 5 game stretch in franchise history. Give yourself a break and allow yourself to enjoy it fer crying out loud.

Here's my latest column. It concerns the top Christmas specials and movies of alltime. When I was in the process of writing the piece I took to heart some of the postings here on the subject. Thanks! Top Christmas Specials Feel free to let me know the ones you agree or disagree with.

I caught that. He has also referred to former Bill Antoine Winfield as Antonio at least twice this season.

I was in TOPS yesterday fueling up for the game and saw a display for the Bills bobble heads. Earlier in the season they were $14.99 each or you could get one free by racking up a bunch of points with your bonus card. They're now marked down to $.99 each with a bonus card. If you don't have a card, either the cashier or the person in line behind you should be able to help you out. They have Drew, Coy and Travis. All are now on display in my rec room. Would make a great stocking stuffer for the Bills fans on your Christmas list.

Now that is an onion - an a$$ so perfectly beautiful that it brings tears to a man's eyes.

In honor of the man and his legacy let's just make peace over the whole issue. The avatar is a painting by Rich Gaiti entitled "The Last Buffalo." You can view it and some other of his great work here: Artwork

That's a really horrible statement to make. I'm no fan of Yoko's singing, but John loved her with every ounce of his being. He professed his love for her every opportunity that he got in front of a camera or microphone. To suggest that she had him killed is just plain ugly. Go back and listen to the man's music because his message of peace, love and tolerance went way over your head, brother.

Hope you enjoy! Friday Night Lights

I pledge right here and now to acept whatever happens over the next month with nary a complaint. Just to even be discussing the playoffs this late in this season is an early Christmas present that I'm going to cherish. I sort of feel like I've been allowed a trip back in time to the early 90s. Somewhere in my brain a light has gone off that says, "Hey I remeber this feeling and it's really cool."

Emmet Otter is available on video and DVD - Media Play carries it. I have a copy and we play it each year. Another great line is in the song that the Riverbottom Nightmare Band plays: WE KNOW WE'RE A MESS OUR KIND DOES NOT LIKE TO BE CLEAN WE DON'T BRUSH OUR TEETH CAUSE OUR TOOTHACHE CAN HELP US STAY MEAN Here's a great page about the movie: Emmet Otter Also, I have a video of Wil Vinton's Claymation Christmas. The "Chiming Bell" segment is worth the price of admission alone. I bought my copy at Amazon.com. I can't understand why this all-time classic still isn't aired.

Oh yeah, what a terrible thing for a defense to have to do, to have to stoop to relying upon turnovers to win a game. Do yourself a favor and just enjoy a win fer crissakes.

I played in band in the early 90s in Syracuse named the Bar Stool Pigeons. I always liked the linking of two familiar phrases using a shared word to make a third, hence Chevy Van Miller.

I've been handing these out for four years and the response never ceases to be overwhelming. The "in-box" on my e-mail is jammed. Half the people want to congratualte me on roasting someone and the other half want to hang me from a tree. (Especially the Bush supporters from the Red States.) Take a look and tell me what you think. Turkey Carcass Winners

Evans sure doesn't look like a rookie on the field. His presice routes and sure hands speak to a seasoned veteran and not someone who has 11 NFL games under his belt. While looking at some highlights from yesterday's game it came to me who Lee resembles on the field - Frank Lewis. It's the way he caries himself. I think number 83 will put up numbers like a certain other number 83 from Kutztown State before he's through. Does anyone else see the Frank Lewis comparison?

I don't think I've ever seen such a spectacle played out live like that before. Just as the cameras show Travis going up the tunnel on the back of a cart, Willis bounces off of a tackle and dives into the endzone. If Willis ever makes it to Canton that scene will be a freebie homerun for the scriptwriter working on the screenplay for the movie about his life.

Mike, I wrote to just the issues that you speak of in a column a few years back. I was speaking of my hometown, Niagara Falls, but the facts apply to Buffalo equally as well. Here is a link to that piece:Why not sooner? There's much to love here if you'll only open your eyes to the possibilities.