Wait - weren't you the one who said that the only reason people get paranoid is because it's illegal? So, that's what you were paranoid about for just under 42 years.
Either way, this makes me feel really stupid - instead of giving up on it around 1979 or so, I could have battled the paranoia for 30+ more years, and it would have stopped. Damn, what a waste of time it was that I didn't do that!