Soccer players should play a manly sport, like baseball. It's normally a hard fought 3-4 hour, 9 inning game. They've got to worry about getting splinters from spending 50% of the game sitting on their asses. When they're on the field, they have to fight off sleep while the pitcher does everything. When they do get a ball hit toward them, they might have to take a few steps to get it and then throw it back. You have to swing a bat like 12-15 times a game. Arms get tired. They have to be in peak psychical condition, no fatties.
There are some perks though. They get to fondle each others asses quite frequently throughout the game, which is cool, if you like that sort of thing. They get to chew tobacco during the game, orange slices are for pu$$ies who actually exert themselves. They also get to wear cool makeup under their eyes.