buckeyemike

I was listening to The Sirius Blitz this morning...people from Cleveland were calling in, begging Marty (who co-hosts the show) to come back and coach the Browns next year.

And they're going to Hawaii! Quite a reward for a 6-6 season. I think the Warriors may prevail in that one...they should have beaten Cincinnati. The Bearcats scored 19 points in the fourth quarter to pull it out.

Chris Mortensen reports on ESPN.com. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Granted, Morty (as a Steeler-fan friend of mine used to call him) has won over 200 games, most of them after being unceremoniously dumped by Art Modell after a "disappointing" 10-6 season in 1988. Disappointing is in quotes b/c the Browns went 10-6 last year, and Cleveland almost had a ticker-tape parade for the team. There is a rumor that if Morty comes here, it's only for a couple of years, because he is 65, after all. After Morty gets the team on its feet, his son Brian takes over. Package deal is the story. Brian's only 35 (heck, I remember when he was a kid), but he's the OC for the Jets and may be anointed as the Browns' future long-term solution at head coach. A note on Brian Schottenheimer: he's also a cancer survivor. He had his thyroid removed four years ago. Interesting, but I have no idea if it will work. As for Romeo Crennel, he's probably gone by Monday morning, December 29.

Hey now!! But that was a nice joke...gotta remember that one.

With all the beautiful women over 35 currently out there, I have no idea why in hell anyone over high school age would be interested in teenage skanks. Underage ones, at that. I've also said if she's over 18, she's fair game. But I would have little interest in someone young enough to be my daughter. Next May is the 18th anniversary of my college graduation, for heaven's sake. I'm less than six months away from my 40th birthday. And I'm married to a beautiful brunette who just passed the 40 threshhold herself. I'm currently waiting for Skankipedia. But, I did fine some beautiful ladies here. God only knows how many diseases these teenage girls will be carrying once they reach 25. Just ask Paris Hilton.

One I haven't seen yet...Lee Ann Womack.

A beautiful blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.' With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES YES, I WON, I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

I forgot to post this little tidbit: Back in the late 80s, Turner Gill was a shortstop for a couple of years in the Cleveland Indians organization. He made it as high as Class AA before deciding to hang it up. Another reason to like the man.

The UB football program is truly a classy one. As seen on ESPN.com, a quote from UB athletic director Warde Manuel: I don't think there's any question about this one:

Congrats to the UB Bulls! 2008 MAC Champions!!! I only saw a little bit of the game, but I knew Ball State was in trouble almost from the word go. This program has come so far so fast. And next, a bowl bid in Toronto. I'm sure that Rogers Centre will be colored blue and white for that game.

OJ did it...but I've always had a theory about Ron Goldman: It was well-known among circles in LA that Ron Goldman would screw just about anything on two legs that also had boobs. He actually appeared on the old game show "Studs" back in 1992. If you remember that show, it was filled with double entendres and all sorts of innuendo...kinda like Love Connection for porno fans. When the eyeglasses were left at the restaurant that night, Goldman volunteered to take them back to her. He was hoping for a little sumptin-sumptin from the former Mrs. Simpson. That was his modus operandi. My theory is that OJ went to the house to kill Nicole, or at least scare the hell out of her with a knife (remember, OJ beat her up pretty bad about 5-6 years earlier). He thought he still owned Nicole despite their divorce, and that Nicole was seeing other men, which she probably was. OJ stumbled onto Ron at the scene and wound up killing both of them. Poor Ron was looking for some of what Ted Nugent once sang about and paid for it with his life.

Oh. My. got another quote from that site that I thought was funny:

Best. Line. Ever.

OK, class, so what have we learned here? 1) Elisha Cuthbert likes to sleep with hockey players. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Supposedly hockey players are the most gentlemanly of athletes toward women. Sure, Elisha sounds like she is a woman of loose morals. But then again, who among us does not enjoy the company of these type of women? 2) Sean Avery is a douchebag. Again, though, we all knew that already. There is a code among hockey players, and Avery obliterated it due to his comments. I actually laughed when I heard the term "sloppy seconds" on the ESPN broadcast. To be honest it's a term I've never heard outside this board. 3) The NHL should have just let Avery and whomever Elisha's dating now go at it on the ice for, say, five or ten minutes. It would have given the NHL more attention than they've had since the Rangers won the Cup, and the battle royale would certainly be an immortal YouTube clip.

The Grammys lost all respect with me when they gave the Dixie Chicks the Album of the Year. Not because they're not artisitic and not because they're not a good group. It was all political, and the voters just wanted to smack President Bush around.

This is why keyboards don't make good ashtrays.

Cindy! HB and a toast to you!

Totally agree. Two years ago here everybody loved Boise. Now what?

Try a greyhound. Vodka and grapefruit juice. I'm not really a mixed drink person (or a liquor person, for that matter), but I do like greyhounds, screwdrivers, and Bloody Marys. And margaritas, too. Forgot that.

Beer. Hey, you had to ask, right?

In further full disclosure, I am not only a Buckeye fan, but also a Notre Dame fan. OK, now that my approval rating just dropped twenty points on this board, I will say this: Give Charlie at least next year, when this "killer class" he supposedly recruited will be juniors. To get rid of Weis is to do nothing but waste money. As far as high-profile coaches go, I fear that not even Urban Meyer could clean up the mess in South Bend right now.

I'll give you all you need to know about the Auburn-Tuberville situation in six words: Bobby Lowder finally got his way.

:lol: We do agree on one other thing, though. My Favorite Things is not a Christmas song.

Years ago, when I was in law school, I had this writing partner named Anna. Terrific Italian girl, not at the top of the looks department, but totally likeable. One day when we got together for studying, Anna comes to the study room at the library completely made up. Hair done just right, dressed to the nines in a skirt, clingy top and black nylons...she went from slightly above average to stunning. So what happened? Me, in my 24 year old wisdom, asked her what was up with her being dressed so nice. I don't remember exactly what she said. Today, however, I think Anna was hoping I would make a move. Not to take her in the library stacks, but at least go back to her place. Now that I remember, I think Anna left with a disappointed look on her face that I didn't at the very least, ask her to dinner. Wow...my ignorance of women in the early 1990s was stunning. Stunningly bad.

I have three, and I've heard all three already this year (thank you, YouTube): "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" -- Bruce Springsteen "There's Something About Christmas Time" -- Bryan Adams Worst one has to be "Santa Baby" by Madonna, which I heard on Sirius Holly the other day. I won't bother linking to that steaming pile of fecal matter.