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Buffan00

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    Smart Ass Answers of the year

    in Off the Wall Archives

    Posted

    THE 6 BEST SMART ASS ANSWERS OF 2006

     

    SMART ASS ANSWER #6

     

    It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

     

    SMART ASS ANSWER #5

     

    A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

     

    SMART ASS ANSWER #4

     

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.? She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"? The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

     

    SMART ASS ANSWER #3

     

    The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."? When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

     

    SMART ASS ANSWER #2

     

    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

     

    SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006

     

    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.? I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

    867720[/snapback]

    pretty good! :ph34r:

    Need your prayers my friends

    in The Stadium Wall Archives

    Posted

    A very close friend of mine, who is big fan of the Bills, is deployed here in Iraq with me. Anyway, he got a call today that his pregnant wife is having complications...and it appears she is having a miscarriage. She is in the hospital now, ready to go into surgery to remove the baby...and save her life. This is there second unsuccessful attempt to have a child.

     

    He is preparing to get a plane out of Iraq to be with his wife. I am not a very religious person...but Travis needs our prayers...if you would...please say a prayer for him and his wife.

     

    Thank you,

    Glen

    867716[/snapback]

    No Problem

    Mort Chat

    in The Stadium Wall Archives

    Posted

    Jason (NYC): With the Bills showing improvement, where do they most need upgrades in the offseason if they want to make a playoff run next year? Guard, DT? And will they have a shot at resigning Nate Clements?

     

    SportsNation Chris Mortensen: The Bills should be excited about their future but you can't let Clements go. They need more beef and muscle at DT (never should have let Adams and Edwards go). Keep upgrading the O-line. LT Jason Peters is a future Pro Bowler. They have playmakers in a lot of spots with a very, very good young QB-RB-WR trio in Losman, McGahee and Evans.

    ====================================

    Nick (Bensalem, PA): Why has no one pointed out that J.P. Losman's stats are nearly identical to Tom Brady's. They're the same for yards per attempt, interception percentage, and quarteback rating, with Losman significantly better in completion percentage. Yet Losman continues to be ridiculed by a national press that has never seen him play. Is this uppity Boston-slanted media bias?

     

    SportsNation Chris Mortensen: The only place I have seen Losman ridiculed is in Buffalo.

    ====================================

    Nate (State College): Were you surprised by how badly the Jets lost to the Bills? How do you see the Jets season playing out?

     

    SportsNation Chris Mortensen: A little surprised because I thought when the Bills lost OLB Angelo Crowell for the season, it would be a blow for Buffalo. The Bills have more talent, though, and they match up well with the Jets. I still give the Jets a shot but I can see them losing to Vikings and Dolphins....falling short.

    ====================================

    Jared (NJ): How good did Aaron Schobel look on Sunday or how bad did Ferguson look for the Jets? In your opinion do yout hink Schobel is under-rated?

     

    SportsNation Chris Mortensen: Bills DE Aaron Schobel is very underrated. He has 12.5 sacks and he is deserving of Pro Bowl consideration.

    865777[/snapback]

    Cool..thanks for that!

    Bad Drivers

    in Off the Wall Archives

    Posted

    Unfortunately due to privacy laws, I don't think you can get any personnal info, and I doubt the police will care if you call in a report with the plate number, unless your in a town where the cops have nothing better to do

    865238[/snapback]

    If im not mistaken..every state has a law to report "Road Rage" by turning in the plate number! I guess if they get more than one complaint..that is a "trend" and they will look into it! So, i would start there!

    Early draft talk

    in The Stadium Wall Archives

    Posted

    "Jake Long is the next in a long line of great Michigan o-lineman and he will be a perfect fit as a right tackle in the pros. "

     

    He's 6'7, 315 or so, and if you've watched any Michigan games this season, I'm sure you've seen that he's an absolute monster.

     

    And before you argue "Not ANOTHER O-lineman in the 1st round"--remember that Texas' track record in the pros doesn't hold a candle to Michigan's, ESPECIALLY on the offensive line.

     

    http://www.mgoblue.com/bio.cfm?bio_id=2141...el=3&season=983

    860495[/snapback]

    Yes, some claim he is better than his predicessor Steve Hutchison! No doubt a cornerstone waiting to happen!

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