I, for one, will only appear before a Congressional committee (no sub-committies) on the Tuesday following a Bills Super Bowl victory in years where there is a Presidential election, and only if the day is even-numbered. I will additionally only take questions from congressmen who believe my story, and who are also wearing Bills-related clothing. Hats preferable, ties acceptable. Zubaz pants would be fantastic.
I must also be allowed to smoke Scalia's pipe during my testimony.