ICanSleepWhenI'mDead

If I pick the home playoff game, Brandon won't have my name or number, and I won't have to deal with the endless calls asking me to come back.

Gravity.

My brother Darryl says the Bills should use the Coors "blue mountain" technology to make white uniforms that turn a little more blue every time Orton throws a pick: http://money.cnn.com/2009/07/13/smallbusiness/chromatic_color_changing_ink.fsb/

Maybe it's more like Bills fans have a greater chance of becoming bums.

Well now I've only got an extra hour today but I'd still like to know what happened in 3rd grade. If you learned not to be a coward then you should now be brave enough to tell us. Seems like your gf would be disappointed if you weren't strong enough to do that.

I got a couple extra hours today .. what happened in 3rd grade?

I saw that sort of behind-the-back onside kick on ESPN highlights, so I know what you're talking about. That was even stranger than what I'm suggesting. BTW, Darryl is a Renaissance moron. His lack of knowledge covers many fields, including football ones.

I absolutely agree that the type of kick I'm suggesting won't work if the kick goes high enough for anybody on the receiving "hands" team to call for a fair catch and actually get to the ball. I guess I need to focus on the receiving team's player placement a bit more to see if there are any spaces behind the front row that the kicker could sort of lob the ball into. I'm suggesting a fairly low "lob" just high enough to go over the first row of receivers. More like an offensive lob in tennis that goes just over the opponent's head (not a high defensive lob). I've never been a placekicker (the one time I kicked off in high school gym class doesn't count). But I'm pretty sure I've seen talented soccer midfielders sort of scoop the ball over defenders' heads into the space behind the defenders and in front of the goalie so that a striker with a well-timed run can sprint to the spot where the ball lands before the defenders or goalie can get there. I may not have described it very well in the OP, but what I'm suggesting is the same sort of slow, scooping kick for an onsides football play. Maybe there just isn't enough open space anywhere behind the first row of receivers to give this play a chance.

Our lame onside kick attempt at the end of the Broncos game got me thinking - - what could we do to improve our chances of recovering an expected onside kick (besides kicking it more than 10 yards)? OK, this is probably nuts, but how about this? Seems like a kicker with elite leg talent could set the ball on the tee with as much backwards lean as possible, then very slowly sweep his foot under the bottom of the ball so that at first the ball rolled back onto his instep as his foot slowly rises. After he has the ball resting on his foot, the kicker increases his leg speed just enough to push it over the heads of the waiting hands team. With practice, the kicker should be able to do this in one continuous but variable speed motion, so that he doesn't contact the ball twice (not sure if double contact would be a rule violation). Would have to find a spot behind the first row of receivers where the ball could bounce before a receiver got to it, because a well-coached receiver would call for a fair catch. But if the kicker could find an open spot for the ball to land, we'd have a shot. Our guys could even try to catch it in the air as long as no receiver called for a fair catch. Seems like it would be easier to do this with a straight ahead leg motion like a punter uses (not a sidewinder soccer style kick). Our other 10 guys would have to delay their run for a beat to make sure they didn't cross the starting line before the ball actually left the kicker's foot. The initial slow leg rise would be a dead giveaway of what was coming, but only after somebody in the league had tried this before - - I don't think it would be a giveaway the first time it was tried. Questions: 1. Is the variable speed, single contact "push" kick that I've described legal? 2. Do you think it could work? 3. Is the kickoff required to start from the middle of the field by some rule, or is that merely customary - - could we "push" kick the ball from an off-center tee somewhat closer to one side of the field, into what I'm guessing would be more open space closer to the other sideline? 4. Is my assumption correct, that our 10 guys would be offsides if they crossed the starting line a split second after the kicker first touched the ball but BEFORE he "pushed" it off his foot? If not, that opens up additional possibilities. If the kicker could balance the ball with a slowly rising foot for even half a second, our 10 guys could cover part of the necessary 10 yards, and be that much closer to taking out the other team's receivers. Receiver has to judge flight of the ball for a bit before calling for a fair catch, and maybe we put at least a few front line guys on their backs before they can assess the situation and call for the fair catch. Hard for a guy to call for a fair catch if he's on his back.

Gay is the regular kick-off guy. Marrone probably figured that if he used Carpenter, the Broncos would suspect something was up, and he would have lost the element of surprise (which is crucial for recovering an onside kick).

For most of the last 14 years there's been no NFL team in Buffalo and I rooted for the Bills anyway.

Well, Natasha Richardson did die too young a few years after being in the movie, in which Nell spoke her own unique language, so . . .

I liked: "Playoff Committee declares Germany winner of WW II."

Your screen name is deceptive - - you should change it to "Once Is Not Enough."

Insane Clown Posse added a clown and got lost on their way to The Gathering.

American Indians used animal hides to repair things, so I suppose it's possible.

OK, I don't expect the Bills to hire a rocket surgeon to write articles for them, but this may be about the dumbest thing ever written: http://www.buffalobills.com/news/article-1/Scouting-Report-Bills-at-Broncos/ed9f4a73-1ad0-4519-b90c-d1c6c3be4e2a So it's more important for the offense to win time of possession than to score points? Really?

Kiko went to the beach, stuck his head in the water, and located the Red October.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt7an2VJ3sA

In an odd turn of events, the Buffalo Bills lured their former center David Snow out of retirement and signed him to a 1 year deal. Doug Marrone told the media - - "I may not be here next year, but we are going to be ready for whatever Mother Nature throws at us in that dome in Detroit on Monday. But I'm worried about the Cleveland game next week. Anybody know if Curt Flood ever played football?"

http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Applicant-Jose-Lopez-Stabs-Man-During-Job-Interview-Police-283015471.html

A shortened field on an aircraft carrier deck anchored somewhere at the west end of Lake Ontario. They could even keep the obligatory shots of Niagara Falls. T.J. Graham could go long and drown.

Thirty years ago I caught my wife doin' a zebra at the Buffalo zoo, so I figured . . . hey, maybe this'll get me some.

I did not know that Buddy was into bondage.

Thanks - - looks like that rule would be a problem. Best modification I can think of to try to avoid the rule would be to make sure (1) our off-the-field guys (i.e., coaches, trainers, and all the guys who were not part of the 11 on the field for the last kneel down), stayed off the field and just jogged down the sidelines, and (2) the minimum number of guys required for a legal offensive play just stayed near the line of scrimmage after the kneel-down while the QB and anybody else not needed to make the snap on the next play legal just jogged all the way off the field toward the locker room. This wouldn't be as deceptive, but maybe it has a chance of complying with the rule. As modified, there is no substitution. Not sure of the exact definition of the terms, but seems like there would be no "legally returning players" [sounds like a player who ran off the field mistakenly thinking he was supposed to sub out but then ran back on]. I don't know what a "withdrawn player" is under the rules - - if it just means a guy who is coming all the way off the field after being on the field for the last kneel down would the QB coming out violate the rule just by coming out? Or is the rule about "withdrawn players" intended to prevent the offense from making the defense mistakenly think that the player who is actually coming off WILL be a part of the next play? It it's the latter, we certainly wouldn't be making the defense mistakenly think that the QB leaving the field would be part of the play - - it's the exact opposite. We would clearly be making it look like the QB was not going to be involved in any further plays and he in fact would not be involved in any further plays. To make the play work, seems like you would have to let the refs know before the game what you might do, so that they spotted the ball after the kneel down and didn't take it away. Maybe that gives us a chance to ask the refs exactly what we would have to do to comply with the rule. As for the 12 men on the field dead ball foul that stops the play cold just like a false start would - - not sure how to deal with that. I guess just take your chances and see where the other team goes as our QB (and any of the other 11 guys not absolutely required for the next snap to be legal) jog off the field after the last kneel down. Maybe look at film to see how the other team typically leaves their home field at the end of the first half after a kneel down - - but it may be an insurmountable hurdle that we just have no control over. I get that some people don't like trickeration, even if it's entirely legal. Maybe I'd feel that way if we had a good QB. Then again, I think it was a sad day when they outlawed the fumblerooski.