ICanSleepWhenI'mDead

Well now I've only got an extra hour today but I'd still like to know what happened in 3rd grade. If you learned not to be a coward then you should now be brave enough to tell us. Seems like your gf would be disappointed if you weren't strong enough to do that.

I got a couple extra hours today .. what happened in 3rd grade?

I saw that sort of behind-the-back onside kick on ESPN highlights, so I know what you're talking about. That was even stranger than what I'm suggesting. BTW, Darryl is a Renaissance moron. His lack of knowledge covers many fields, including football ones.

I absolutely agree that the type of kick I'm suggesting won't work if the kick goes high enough for anybody on the receiving "hands" team to call for a fair catch and actually get to the ball. I guess I need to focus on the receiving team's player placement a bit more to see if there are any spaces behind the front row that the kicker could sort of lob the ball into. I'm suggesting a fairly low "lob" just high enough to go over the first row of receivers. More like an offensive lob in tennis that goes just over the opponent's head (not a high defensive lob). I've never been a placekicker (the one time I kicked off in high school gym class doesn't count). But I'm pretty sure I've seen talented soccer midfielders sort of scoop the ball over defenders' heads into the space behind the defenders and in front of the goalie so that a striker with a well-timed run can sprint to the spot where the ball lands before the defenders or goalie can get there. I may not have described it very well in the OP, but what I'm suggesting is the same sort of slow, scooping kick for an onsides football play. Maybe there just isn't enough open space anywhere behind the first row of receivers to give this play a chance.

Our lame onside kick attempt at the end of the Broncos game got me thinking - - what could we do to improve our chances of recovering an expected onside kick (besides kicking it more than 10 yards)? OK, this is probably nuts, but how about this? Seems like a kicker with elite leg talent could set the ball on the tee with as much backwards lean as possible, then very slowly sweep his foot under the bottom of the ball so that at first the ball rolled back onto his instep as his foot slowly rises. After he has the ball resting on his foot, the kicker increases his leg speed just enough to push it over the heads of the waiting hands team. With practice, the kicker should be able to do this in one continuous but variable speed motion, so that he doesn't contact the ball twice (not sure if double contact would be a rule violation). Would have to find a spot behind the first row of receivers where the ball could bounce before a receiver got to it, because a well-coached receiver would call for a fair catch. But if the kicker could find an open spot for the ball to land, we'd have a shot. Our guys could even try to catch it in the air as long as no receiver called for a fair catch. Seems like it would be easier to do this with a straight ahead leg motion like a punter uses (not a sidewinder soccer style kick). Our other 10 guys would have to delay their run for a beat to make sure they didn't cross the starting line before the ball actually left the kicker's foot. The initial slow leg rise would be a dead giveaway of what was coming, but only after somebody in the league had tried this before - - I don't think it would be a giveaway the first time it was tried. Questions: 1. Is the variable speed, single contact "push" kick that I've described legal? 2. Do you think it could work? 3. Is the kickoff required to start from the middle of the field by some rule, or is that merely customary - - could we "push" kick the ball from an off-center tee somewhat closer to one side of the field, into what I'm guessing would be more open space closer to the other sideline? 4. Is my assumption correct, that our 10 guys would be offsides if they crossed the starting line a split second after the kicker first touched the ball but BEFORE he "pushed" it off his foot? If not, that opens up additional possibilities. If the kicker could balance the ball with a slowly rising foot for even half a second, our 10 guys could cover part of the necessary 10 yards, and be that much closer to taking out the other team's receivers. Receiver has to judge flight of the ball for a bit before calling for a fair catch, and maybe we put at least a few front line guys on their backs before they can assess the situation and call for the fair catch. Hard for a guy to call for a fair catch if he's on his back.

Gay is the regular kick-off guy. Marrone probably figured that if he used Carpenter, the Broncos would suspect something was up, and he would have lost the element of surprise (which is crucial for recovering an onside kick).

For most of the last 14 years there's been no NFL team in Buffalo and I rooted for the Bills anyway.

Well, Natasha Richardson did die too young a few years after being in the movie, in which Nell spoke her own unique language, so . . .

I liked: "Playoff Committee declares Germany winner of WW II."

Your screen name is deceptive - - you should change it to "Once Is Not Enough."

Insane Clown Posse added a clown and got lost on their way to The Gathering.

American Indians used animal hides to repair things, so I suppose it's possible.

OK, I don't expect the Bills to hire a rocket surgeon to write articles for them, but this may be about the dumbest thing ever written: http://www.buffalobills.com/news/article-1/Scouting-Report-Bills-at-Broncos/ed9f4a73-1ad0-4519-b90c-d1c6c3be4e2a So it's more important for the offense to win time of possession than to score points? Really?

Kiko went to the beach, stuck his head in the water, and located the Red October.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt7an2VJ3sA

In an odd turn of events, the Buffalo Bills lured their former center David Snow out of retirement and signed him to a 1 year deal. Doug Marrone told the media - - "I may not be here next year, but we are going to be ready for whatever Mother Nature throws at us in that dome in Detroit on Monday. But I'm worried about the Cleveland game next week. Anybody know if Curt Flood ever played football?"

http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Applicant-Jose-Lopez-Stabs-Man-During-Job-Interview-Police-283015471.html

A shortened field on an aircraft carrier deck anchored somewhere at the west end of Lake Ontario. They could even keep the obligatory shots of Niagara Falls. T.J. Graham could go long and drown.

Thirty years ago I caught my wife doin' a zebra at the Buffalo zoo, so I figured . . . hey, maybe this'll get me some.

I did not know that Buddy was into bondage.

Thanks - - looks like that rule would be a problem. Best modification I can think of to try to avoid the rule would be to make sure (1) our off-the-field guys (i.e., coaches, trainers, and all the guys who were not part of the 11 on the field for the last kneel down), stayed off the field and just jogged down the sidelines, and (2) the minimum number of guys required for a legal offensive play just stayed near the line of scrimmage after the kneel-down while the QB and anybody else not needed to make the snap on the next play legal just jogged all the way off the field toward the locker room. This wouldn't be as deceptive, but maybe it has a chance of complying with the rule. As modified, there is no substitution. Not sure of the exact definition of the terms, but seems like there would be no "legally returning players" [sounds like a player who ran off the field mistakenly thinking he was supposed to sub out but then ran back on]. I don't know what a "withdrawn player" is under the rules - - if it just means a guy who is coming all the way off the field after being on the field for the last kneel down would the QB coming out violate the rule just by coming out? Or is the rule about "withdrawn players" intended to prevent the offense from making the defense mistakenly think that the player who is actually coming off WILL be a part of the next play? It it's the latter, we certainly wouldn't be making the defense mistakenly think that the QB leaving the field would be part of the play - - it's the exact opposite. We would clearly be making it look like the QB was not going to be involved in any further plays and he in fact would not be involved in any further plays. To make the play work, seems like you would have to let the refs know before the game what you might do, so that they spotted the ball after the kneel down and didn't take it away. Maybe that gives us a chance to ask the refs exactly what we would have to do to comply with the rule. As for the 12 men on the field dead ball foul that stops the play cold just like a false start would - - not sure how to deal with that. I guess just take your chances and see where the other team goes as our QB (and any of the other 11 guys not absolutely required for the next snap to be legal) jog off the field after the last kneel down. Maybe look at film to see how the other team typically leaves their home field at the end of the first half after a kneel down - - but it may be an insurmountable hurdle that we just have no control over. I get that some people don't like trickeration, even if it's entirely legal. Maybe I'd feel that way if we had a good QB. Then again, I think it was a sad day when they outlawed the fumblerooski.

Am I the only one who thinks it's more than a little odd that: 1. the incidents occurred on Funk Beach and Trypot Beach; and 2. global warming wasn't identified as the likely cause?

In Real Life

OK, how many times have you seen a team kneel down at the end of the first half a time or two because they don't have good field position, and then both teams start jogging off the field with less than 30 seconds on the clock (so that there is no requirement to snap it again). So if you are the team on offense, and the defense has no time outs left at the end of the first half, why not do this? First, alert the officials before the game starts what you plan to do if the situation arises. When the time comes, run at least one kneel down play, time the kneel down so that you still have about 30 seconds left on the clock, and have your offense start jogging off the field like you don't intend to run another play. Head coach takes off his headset, and all the coaches and trainers also start jogging towards the locker room (or collecting miscellaneous stuff if there's some rule that requires them to stay off the field). But you keep 11 scrubs on the sideline ready to go, looking disinterested. Maybe they are 8 defensive guys and our three kickers - - everybody knows kickers are weird anyway. For these 11 guys, maybe they are drinking gatorade, maybe one seems to have an equipment problem, somebody else is on a stationary bike - - anything that makes them look like they have some reason to not quite be heading to the locker room just yet. At about 15 seconds left on the first half clock, the regular offensive team guys and coaches start to sprint to get off the field, and the 11 scrub guys sprint to the line of scrimmage, and run a play (heck any running play would do) with about 3 or 4 seconds left. Shouldn't be too hard to make sure that the 11 guys running the play have the correct numbers for the positions where they line up. With any luck, they're gonna run the play against air, so who cares what skill sets they have. Maybe increase deception by having the 11 scrub guys start farther away from the locker room and/or jog slowly, so that they just happen to be at the line of scrimmage with 10 seconds left and don't have to sprint anywhere. I can think of two potential rule problems: 1. Do players who ran the last kneel down play have to leave the field on the same side as their teams bench? If so, make sure that the sprint at the 15 second mark takes them off the field toward their own bench rather than through the end zone. 2. Possible bigger problem - - if the offense substitutes, doesn't the referee have to give the defense time to substitute as well? But is there a way around this? What if nobody from the other team is trying to substitute, because they don't expect another play? Is there some time limit after which the referee says, OK, defensive team had time to substitute if they wished, but chose not to do so, so I'm gonna let the offense snap it? If the substitution rule is an insurmountable hurdle, then just have EVERYBODY start jogging off the field, and at the 15 second mark the same 11 guys that ran the last kneel down sprint back to the line of scrimmage and run a play, while everybody else (including coaches) sprints out of the end zone and off the field (or better yet, just times their jog to be all the way off the field before the next snap). 3. Can you increase the deception by having the QB who took the last kneel down jog off the field, and snap the ball at 3 seconds left on the first half clock with one of the remaining 10 guys at the QB position? Is it a penalty for the offense to snap the ball with 10 guys on the field? Not sure, but I don't think so. If you snap it with five lineman, and a non-QB skill position guy at the QB spot, do you need anything else for a legal offensive formation? As long as all of those guys were on the field for the last kneel-down, seems like there's no substitution rule to worry about. 4. OK, this is chicken s**t stuff, but we haven't had a really good QB in a long time, so we gotta figure out a way to score more points without one. It's really sad how we are wasting this defense. 5. Belichick is supposedly great at imparting situational awareness to his players, but I bet even his guys wouldn't be ready for this one. 6. If nothing else, the commotion would be hysterical entertainment, right up there with the Cal/Stanford game where the trombone player got trucked. So run it when we've been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Flame away, but any actual rules input would be appreciated - - especially for (1) the absolute minimum number of offensive players that must be on the field at the snap for a play to be legal, (2) any restrictions on where offensive players must leave the field after the next-to-last play of the first half, and (3) what the referee is required to do if the offense substitutes and there is nobody even around to decide if the defense wants to make an allowed substitution of its own.

1. I always wondered why the punting team didn't tell one of its linemen to intentionally false start, rather than just having the punter stand there without any urgency to get the ball snapped. When the punter just stands there and is obviously not trying to get the ball snapped, everybody in the stadium knows that the punting team wants the 5 yard penalty. If you have an O-lineman false start, look disgusted with himself or better yet point at a D-lineman, and get yelled at by a coach, maybe the receiving team accepts the penalty. 2. I also wonder why coaches don't have the punter commit the obvious delay of game penalty, wait for the receiving team to predictably decline it, and THEN run a fake punt. Seems like it would increase the deception about your intentions to fake the punt with very little chance that the 5 yards would be walked off before the fake.