ICanSleepWhenI'mDead

So what? Either way, we keep the ball for as long as we want, with no time off the game clock, as long as the refs follow the rules by throwing a flag for offsides on the offense and blowing an immediate whistle. And if the refs stop throwing flags, then just don't ever snap the ball. Throw the flag or not, accept or decline the penalty, doesn't matter - - either way we wait until WE want to play.

Hey Beerball, let me 'splain it a different way: As long as our offense jumps offsides or takes a delay of game, we keep the ball for as long as we want, with no time off the game clock. Keep the ball this way for about a day and a half. When we start really playing the game about a day and a half after the opening kick-off, our offense has the ball just outside our own goal line. Then we play for real. I'll take a sleep-deprived random result over what we've gotten for the last decade. We can call it the "Let the Pats********* sleep when they're dead" strategy.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. You want outside the box strategy - - chew on this. Make sure the entire team gets lots, I mean lots, of sleep before the game. When we get the ball the first time, have an O lineman intentionally jump offsides. Do it repeatedly. Put in the second team offense and have them do it. Throw in a delay of game once in a while for a little variety. Send all of the first team offense and defense guys back to the hotel to get a good night's sleep. Long about 3 pm THE NEXT DAY, put the first teamers back in and start actually playing the game. They have won the division repeatedly over the years based on preparation and execution. Let's make them sleep deprived, and see how we do. Even if all we accomplish is making both teams sleep deprived, that will ruin both teams' ability to properly execute, because even the Pats**** are human. If we can make the outcome totally random, that's a far better tactical situation for us than what we usually face. BTW, a version of this making everything random strategy worked for Captain Kirk with a wounded starship in "The Wrath of Khan" - - i.e., "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." Captain Kirk > Belicheat Edit: Here's the actual line from Wrath of Khan: Saavik: Trouble with the nebula, sir. All that static discharge and gas will cloud our visual display. Tactical won't function, and shields will be useless! Spock: Sauce for the goose, Mr Saavik - the odds will be even!

My apologies to Michael Keaton. I think his character in Night Shift was named "Bill," and somehow that became Bill Murray in my head. Maybe when medical ethnicianology advances far enough my brother Darryl can grow me a spare. BTW, would someone please explain to me why a bye-week thread that is clearly Bills-related got moved from the main board to Off-The-Wall? Given the Bills performance in their loss to the Jags, it's not like we couldn't use a little comic relief around here.

You are misinformed. Cyborgs are science fiction. Transplants aren't. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyborg

I have no recollection of reading about any Bills GM doing this, but maybe it got hushed up.

OK, there is actually a point to the obscure Bill Murray movie quote reference in my thread title. Every now and then mankind advances because somebody thinks outside the box and revolutionizes the way we do things. Case in point: the Fosbury Flop. Mocked and laughed at until the guy started winning high jump competitions with his totally unorthodox approach to the sport. Or in Bill Murray's case, his spectacular idea to advance the culinary science of making tuna fish sandwiches by feeding the mayonnaise to the fish, thus totally eliminating the need to spread the stuff on the sandwich bread. Sammy Watkins can't stay healthy, but we have his brother on the practice squad. Big deal, so what, who gives a s**t. Well that's exactly what the other high jumpers said when that Fosbury fella came along and shook things up. Don't anybody tell the Pats************************** this, but to get Sammy on the field, we can use his brother Jaylen for spare parts. Last I checked, human cloning was considered unethical, but transplants have been OK ever since that South African guy (not the one with blades for legs who shot his girlfriend to death in the bathroom - - the one with real legs who did the first heart transplant) started detaching body parts from one guy and hooking them up to somebody else. Other teams can't make this revolutionary leap 'cause you can't just use anybody for spare parts. If people aren't related, there's a high risk that the donor's parts will get rejected when we graft them on to Sammy. But 'cause Jaylen is Sammy's brother, there's DNA overlap, so Sammy's brain won't reject the assimilation of Jaylen's calf. And for all you inside the box thinkers that are gonna say this will never work, Jaylen's got 2 healthy calves to start with. If we was askin' Jaylen to donate a kidney to save Sammy's life, nobody would bat an eye, 'cause Jaylen's walkin' around with a spare. So how is it any different if Jaylen donates one of his 2 calves to save Sammy's football life? Sammy's football life is just about in hospice care. Pretty soon he's gonna be the next Percy Harvin. C'mon people, there's guys getting' face transplants these days - shirley we can get Jaylen to contribute one measly calf muscle to the team effort. It's not like the Bills aren't already payin' Jaylen for basically doin' nothin' anyways. We got 2 Watkins brothers sitting' on the bench, and they got 3 healthy calves between them. Well not literally between them, but connecting their knees to their feet. With one calf muscle or two, Jaylen's still gonna be ridin' the pine. So why not get Sammy back on the field? Too bad Jaylen don't have an extra brain. But maybe someday medical ethnicianology will advance to the point where the authorities will let Sammy grow his own spare. Wouldn't that be a hoot!

Hey Bill - - when you are feeling well enough to share a few thoughts with your daughter about having a stroke, I would abandon the "no particular order" paradigm and put this item at the top of the list! Seriously, though - - get well soon. I hate to suggest a NE Pat**** as a role model, but Tedy Bruschi had a stroke and made it all the way back to play in the NFL. Hang in there.

PETA is suing a photographer on behalf of a monkey named Naruto that used the guy's camera to take a monkey "selfie:" http://www.artlawreport.com/2015/09/22/irony-is-dead-peta-sues-for-copyright-infringement-on-behalf-of-the-animal-in-the-monkey-selfie/ They should have sued whoever named the monkey "Naruto."

We found the guy who did it:

If we really wanted to end racism, we would call them "go darks," rather than "stop lights."

I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once, as I ever was.

So the Bills fan was sober enough to know that he was planning to be offensive, and decided to go ahead and be an a$$hat anyway? And you're proud of THAT?

Apparently, he considered Chan and Fitzgibbons enough of an upgrade to return: http://nypost.com/2015/09/13/fireman-eds-hiatus-is-over-super-fan-returns-to-rally-jets/

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/2000-cases-may-be-overturned-because-police-used-secret-stingray-surveillance/ar-AAdXuBn

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/mexican-app-developers-creating-trumpealo-video-game-n419752

http://www.cnbc.com/2015/08/28/north-dakota-police-can-now-legally-use-taser-drones.html

Darryl says if you weren't in the room then obviously it didn't really happen to you.

Club sharks not sandwiches?

When you make sock puppets do they have to be the same length on each arm? Or is it just a leg thing?

My response to this situation was: "I don't speak Italian. I want a medium. If you can't figure out how to give me a medium, I'll take my business elsewhere." They suddenly were able to figure out which size was "medium."

Tell your friend to zig when everybody else zags. That may sound like a joke, but it ain't.

You got some weird flies in Illinois.

Just when you think you've seen it all: http://deadspin.com/tricky-softball-dude-hits-backwards-home-run-1722674174