Johnny Hammersticks

Nice try pal. They don't have evening services. The poisonous snakes that they use in their rituals are not nocturnal creatures.

Dude! This bird, that he isn't even really dating, told him that he would need to miss the Bills/Jags game (IN OCTOBER) because he would be in church! And she was serious!

F5!!!!

Karlos Williams will have >7 TD's

Yeah, and not even bad in a good way...

I like the fake stuff. Just syrup and butter on pancakes. Syrup, butter, fruit and whipped cream on waffles.

Bills tweets are like crack for the offseason. Now if you were a crack head....would you want a bunch of crack all the time, or just one big crack party every year? I thought so...

Doing his wife while smoking a cig? Now that is comedic genius.

You two have been "dating" for such a short time, and she's already making your plans for a Saturday morning in October? Yeah man, run away as fast as you can. Change your phone number and move to North Dakota. Craaaazzzzeeeee! Oh yeah, she has crazy friends because she is also crazy. Crazy women like to surround themselves with girlfriends who are only slightly more crazy than themselves to make them look better by comparison. It's a fact.

That settles it. TRBJ is Kevin Bacon from Footloose.

Buy airfare to Toronto so you can attend that big cripple orgy.

They're would probably be an uncomfortable period, when you first arrived to the orgy, where you'd have to weed through the really disgusting mongrels until you find something "do-able."

Hire someone to kill your cigarette smoking neighbor, so you don't have to say hi to him anymore.

Shady McCoy. He got paid a handsome sum of money to come to a team that wants him and will give him 25-30 carries a game. He is coming from a team that, seemingly, was tired of his act and did not want him around. Let's see whatcha got, LeSean.

And unlike Antonio Cromartie, he can still name all of his kids when put on the spot. Duh dum tish

I'm worried. Someone should totally call the fed's.

Is there a name for fear of sharting in public?

Definitely going to need a center with DC2's future as uncertain as it is right now. I can't imagine having Chino starting at the 5.

Delightfully predictable in that she has a guy named Cletus in her water aerobics class.

Nice get away sticks.

You make a good point Tom. I am an idiot. The neighborhood is actually rebounding well. The heroin den across the street has long since been vacated, and it is now on the market. We're hoping for some intellectually disabled, satanic cult members to buy the house to spice things up around here. BTW...I learned recently that Shower Boy is in the slammer. Allegedly, he roughed up an elderly person and stole a bunch of their pain medication. I saw him not too long ago outside the local Subutex clinic.

I had a similar experience. I had been dating my then girlfriend for a couple years, and she surprised me with a cruise to the Bahamas for my 30th birthday. Well, the morning after the captain's dinner....steak, lobster tails, a few bottles of champagne and a quart of gin....I woke up and dropped the type of fart that could eat the stitching out of Levis. It was so bad that my (then girlfriend) wife began vomiting violently in the bathroom. Hell, I almost threw up. After she stopped throwing up, we laughed hysterically, and we went up to the pool and had some breakfast and drinks. I asked her to marry me a few months later.

The only way you know it's real is if you blow a stinky fart in her presence, and she sensuously wafts it toward her nose. It's the girlfriend test. If she gags or scoffs at you, it wasn't meant to be.

Yeah, he probably has a thread started on blacklung.com message board. I have a lonely widow neighbor next door to me. She intercepts me almost every day to talk. Usually tells me the same things over and over again b/c she's becoming senile. You're lucky you get off with a few hi's pal.

You don't see too many 6'8" guards out there, do you?